To ask, why do people say marriage is hard?

[chickpea1982]

Just as the title says really. I was just watching something on TV and someone said, "marriage is hard", and I wondered, "how is it hard?" So I thought I would ask for opinions!

I think it's hard when you or your spouse is going through something tough (illness, depression, disability, job loss) - that doesn't mean that marriage itself is hard, just that life has hard bits in it and it can be tough to get through those bits and still be kind and loving to your spouse.

Most people are happily married I think, but most people also go through tough times at some point.

Because you're different people and people change

This is exactly how I feel.

I know I'm fickle though and in a good patch I'd definitely answer that I couldn't imagine life without him, he is my family and makes my life better every day.

Today, he's getting on my wick.

I hope my son grows up to be like your husband! :-)

Haha exactly this!
I do wonder if the other half in these “perfect marriages” finds it so easy.

Nah. My life is a million times better for being married. I’ve the best husband ever. The biggest tip for marriage id say is to be kind to each other

I don't think it's hard if you're with the right person!

I’ve just checked with my husband and he doesn’t think marriage is hard either btw

Do you really think so?

My first marriage was hard. Because ex DH was an immature arsehole who could not compromise. I had to do ALL the compromise, ALL the effort.

My second marriage, now much longer than the first, is absolute bliss. Never felt hard.

One thing I found hard was being a parent when my son was younger (particularly during lockdown). Both of us working full time while trying to home school a 4 /5 year old wasn’t fun. But I’m so glad that it was with my husband

Well it's life, some people get an easy life, others get a hard life, then combine 2 people together and their joy, issues, health problems, family politics, etc. It's obviously harder for some and easier for others, I don't understand how can that be confusing...

Because they turn into grumpy middle aged men and you didn't marry a grumpy middle aged man.
Because menopause.
Because you can hear them eat and breathe, when no one needs to make a noise eating and breathing.

This made me smile - my MIL converted a spare room in her house into an extra bathroom for her second husband so she didn't have to share! 🤣

It can be hard- especially the compromise part. There are things in life you don’t expect to have certain opinions on until they’re a reality . We are both very opinionated and when our opinions differ, it can be hard to find a compromise and not think ‘ when it was just me I could just go and get this done this way and not have to consult anyone’

At first it's the most natural thing in world and then you see each other's worst habits and it takes a lot of compromise and understanding to get used to it. Sharing your space with someone is hard, no matter how much you love them, unless you are completely compatible and it's a joy. Throw kids into the mix and life becomes stressful, that's why it's important in an ideal world to live together and know you can both rely on each other. As a couple you adapt and change as you get older. Married 25 years and lots of ups and downs, as with family I guess. Got to ride the waves...

Well maybe you haven’t experienced any of the following yet;
Bereavement, redundancy, infidelity, ill health, financial ruin etc etc
In which case I’m very happy for you !

Nearly 10 years in. Being married isn't hard if you're with the person you both want to be with. I adore my husband and him me. It's never been hard but the things thrown at us is hard. Death in family, health issues, etc. We've just always been there for each other and held each other up. He's my bestest friend in the whole wide world and I'm his. No ifs or buts.

I've always wondered that. Obviously people go through hard times like deaths etc but i can't say it's hard otherwise.

I could have written this. We’ve been married 25 years and I feel just like that. Even the single mil.

However there have been hard days. Especially when kids were small and love had many demands. I would say a short memory and a poor sense of smell but a good sense of humour make it easier. 😁

I think it can be hard in the way life can be hard eg stresses, health issues, deaths etc. And I also think you have to respect and work on your relationship eg compromise, not take the other person for granted etc. That can be hard as people can be quite selfish.

Because other people are extremely annoying, no matter how much you love them and how great they are. They're forever doing things that drive you mad even in very minor ways and sometimes that is very hard. Why is the TV remote missing? Who has turned the heating up to volcanic temperatures? Why is this person talking about the world's most boring topic? Etc. And you have to live with them all of the time. There is no escape. Unless they run off with their teenage secretary.

Of course there are benefits too...!

I think it's because you never know what life is going to throw at you and you have to navigate that together and sometimes that's easy, and sometimes it's harder. You need to love support compromise through decades and decades of life which will probably include one or other of you getting sick, will more than likely include both of you having your heads turned and developing crushes on other people, will definitely involve arguments, disagreements and annoyances and the rollercoaster ride of hormones disrupting libidos in both directions at the most inconvenient times. If it's a good marriage through the love and laughter and fun times and shared experiences will more than make up for the 'hard' bits. Mostly it's fun, sometimes a bit less so but the commitment is to put each other first, stay when they're sick, through the tough times and not just turn around and say ' I'm not feeling it anymore' at the first sign of discord. It doesn't mean you overlook red lines crossed but you do learn to compromise turn a blind eye, pick your battles and let your spouse know you love and appreciate them every day.

I love my husband and if I had my choice again I’d chose him. He’s a good, funny, kind man and the best dad and I genuinely prefer him to pretty much everyone else.

I still find it hard. Being an ‘us’ and not just a ‘me’. I think maybe I wasn’t meant for it, but we make it work.

@ZsaZsaTheCat Aside from infidelity and your spouse being the cause of financial ruin ( through a gambling addiction perhaps), all of the above are difficult life experiences that we could experiences regardless of whether we were married or not.

Sometimes these experiences are easier with a spouse, sometimes they’re harder. It’s so individual.