Aibu to wonder why private schools produce more "well rounded" children? Is it the school or the parents?

[Kenthighst]

I know all state schools produce well rounded children eg those kids that are academic, musical, sporty, confident, excel at drama & can try their hand at anything.

But private schools churn out well rounded kids so aibu to wonder if it is the actual school who produce these kids or is it parental input?

I can fully relate to that. Exactly my experience too. Also by not going to school with the other kids in my neighbourhood, we lost a lot of local friends and connections.

I have four kids, all attended private school on almost full burseries. They do not come from a privileged background at all, a lot of addiction issues within the family, several family members in jail, dad not in the picture. I have been very consistent in their life (obviously) I have no issues so they have had one good parent.

They are all well spoken, well educated, confident and well rounded. They fit in without any issues whatsoever, they have lots of friends and are “popular” within their year groups.

I think the most important thing in a child’s life is at least one, motivated, dedicated parent who never lets them down. A child with this, attending state school will do better than a child without that attending private school.

However, there is absolutely no getting away from what small class sizes, dedicated teachers, discipline, clubs, sports and no disruptive children will do for a child.

I do not think my children would be the way they are and have achieved what they have without attending private school.

No, they shouldn't criticise people who are prepared to do a job that they won't do themselves.

That's absurd. So you think it's unreasonable for anyone to point out that anyone in any job is doing their job poorly unless you then immediately quit your own job and go and do theirs instead?

‘Who says they do produce more well-rounded children? I don't even agree with the question.

Sounds like class discrimination talking.’

yup, snobby bullshit. I come from somewhere with almost no private schools, 99% of kids go to state school.
So we supposed to assume than 1.5million people aren’t well rounded or successful?

Was thinking this. And the little charmers at Eton shouting racial, misogynistic abuse at black girls at a lecture.

For balance, my (lovely) husband was privately educated (and my DC will be if he has his own way)…

friends & family whose children are presently at private schools compared with those not I completely concur, the youngsters do seem much happier, more self confident, better conversationally and seem to have much more going on extra-curricularly. I’ve very much sold on the benefit.

I think the most important thing in a child’s life is at least one, motivated, dedicated parent who never lets them down. A child with this, attending state school will do better than a child without that attending private school.

Hear, hear.

Imagine if someone commented that common people mix with other common people so they have no idea how uncouth and ghastly they are 🙄

I suspect you're seeing what you want to see. I know plenty of young people from both state and private schools, including some pretty big name schools.

There can be a veneer of confidence amongst the privately educated ones, I agree, but scratch beneath the surface and you soon find that it is very superficial. On average, I certainly wouldn't say that they're any happier or better conversationally. To be honest, I see no significant difference between any of them, they're just very ordinary teenagers. Perfectly nice kids but nothing out of the ordinary at all.

I understand that private school parents may have all sorts of motivations for sending their kids to independent schools, and many of those reasons are perfectly rational. But parents who believe that private schools are somehow going to make their kids happier and somehow superior to state school kids are frankly delusional. They're wasting their money!

@MrsBennetsPoorNerves that's because I don't know of a single parent who chooses private school to enable their child to be superior to state school children.

Staying young longer was one of the appeals of private for us.

Not in an incompetent way. Ours know from toddler how to do basic household tasks but I value the teens still wanting to do activities, sports, be less bothered about being "cool" being proud to be academic.

I find it appealing to have less street wise adolescents.

Well, I do hope not because they would be wasting their money.

I don't know anyone in RL who would openly admit to sending their kids private for that reason either. Though it's often there in the thinly veiled things that they say.

Posters on here tend to be a bit more open about their motivations, I presume because it's anonymous. So you get posters talking about the perception that privately educated kids are happier, more confident, "more well-rounded", "better conversationally" etc etc. It's pretty transparent.

Family background is a far more significant factor in terms of how kids actually turn out.

Definitely money helps. If you have money and can put your child in an environment that almost promises to ensure that your child is well rounded (not necessarily with values because that starts at home but with knowledge, sports and hobbies and connections), plus not forgetting being in that environment you pick up a culture which you can take with you into the real world which only a few people have access to.

For those of us that don’t send our children to private school, again we invest in our children’s attitude and personality. I personally invest in my DDs hobbies and I’ve noticed a huge difference in confidence and attitude between her friends thar do extracurricular and those that don’t. It really teaches you a level of independence; it teaches perseverance ; and sport is a great teacher of team work. We are lucky that her school encourages every child to pick up extracurricular. They specialise in sport and are investing in their arts and have introduced subjects like Latin - I didn’t think much about it but spoke to an older friend who sent her child to private school and mentioned that it’s all part of being part of “that club”.

Not all state schools can afford to give each child a tailored experience. But what you are describing is more of a culture difference.

I think it's a mistake to discuss all private schools in the same breath. Some are fantastic, some are dreadful. Some cater to specific needs and abilities while others are highly competitive and academic. There are many different reasons for using them and they produce quite different results. Why do people reduce things to an oversimplified hate or love argument?

So why not send them to state school?

They are often more confident

schools that are easier to manage children get more positive attention, non disruptive teaching so higher grades (plus all the extra tutoring) and they are told what high achievers they are, often higher results in exams so this adds to this notion that they are smarter and somewhat special constantly hearing this rubs off and it often borders on entitlement and arrogance

they have the same issues with children having mh issues but they will have access to therapy, children who need more support with their learning get it

but for some odd reason we have to pretend the children are not privileged just super smart who parents put their education before anything

This attitude would last maximum 3 mealtimes in a crisis.

My thoughts exactly

Yes. This is exactly what I mean. It's the exposure. But yet some parents can still do all of the above.

My experience private school kids get more exposure to: art, music, literature, sports, finance, etiquette, food and drink, other cultures, etc. which in my mind makes them more well rounded individuals.

My experience is that people who went to private schools can be just as much philistine bores as anyone else. Just philistine bores with money, which is obviously enough for some people to be convinced they ought to be taken seriously. Particularly if they have an accent others deem to be posh, they can say practically any old shit and be taken to be worldly wise and knowledgeable.

Because all our local state schools are dire. It would cost approx 150K to move to catchment of a good school Vs 75K for private school fees. Absolute no brainer.