Toilet training before school

[jackass232]

I saw a piece on the news last night about how there's been a big rise in the number of children starting school not fully toilet trained. I think the figures were something like 13% of kids in any reception class are not fully trained and that teachers are on average spending 2.5 hours per day dealing with toileting accidents and issues.

Obviously this is quite shocking (I expected to see a MN post about it actually, sorry if I missed one) but I can sympathise as my ds started reception with issues surrounding pooing - mostly holding onto it, becoming constipated and having leaks. I remember always packing spare pants for him and I know the TA had to help him change a lot. This wasn't anything to do with laziness on my part. He was just hard to toilet train and continued with these issues for quite some years. The school was always lovey about it but I felt very embarrassed and upset on behalf of my son.

I feel the general narrative behind this story is that parents just can't be arsed to toilet train their kids and are happily sending them in and letting teachers deal with them. But that's not always the case. I know it's a big drain on schools but what's the answer? And why has there been such a rise?

Weren’t = were at

That's absolutely awful

Why is it not their responsibility?

There have always been a small percentage of children with continence problems aged 5 the issue is the very large number coming through suddenly with no medical or developmental needs and parents saying it's not their job or they wont waste holiday on it...
.neither is it about training at 3 it's not trying at all.

I was a Reception teacher. My friend is still a Reception teacher. There are many parents who don't toilet train because school should do it. Schools should also apparently remove dummies and help the child to walk for longer periods because, until day 1 in September, they have been taken everywhere in a push chair, with a dummy permanently in their mouth, because it's quicker and the child is quieter. We should also apparently train children to sit properly on a chair and remain on the chair to eat their lunch.We have to start from scratch with sitting still and listening . If children have been to nursery these things have generally been addressed. If the children have never been in a structured setting or the parents haven't addressed it at home then the behaviours and habits you might think are obvious just won't be there.

And many of these children regress at times of stress like siblings and school. There is no need to wee catch a child who cannot stay dry for up to an hour or to make them sit every 15 minutes for months on end. You also have to ask why so many 60s children now need senna and similar sitting in an open bowel position for excessive periods of time and even being fed on the potty was common.

My dgd was toilet trained at 2 quite recently and dd used reusable nappies. She wears a pull up at night My DD works and nursery were supportive

I used disposables and they were expensive, couldn't wait to toilet train mine.

Yd was showing interest at 18 months and copied her ES

I'd be so embarrassed if my DC had started reception age 4 and didn't know how to go to the toilet because I haven't bothered to teach them

Both of my DC used a potty by age 2 and half and moved on to using a toilet

It's shockingly bad parenting if your DC can't use a toilet by age 3

DS did take longer than DD though

Mine used pull ups less than a month each and that was only at night

Routine diagnosis?! <Hollow laugh>. Mine had potty training issues for years while we waited for a diagnosis.

I put in vast effort but unfortunately the child who started withholding poo as a literal baby and probably only became fully independent and using the toilet mostly normally at age 7 just couldn’t do it. We started at 2.5 and again at 3. He tried his best, I tried, he was on laxatives, we had input from paediatrics, preschool tried, we tried lots of strategies and it just took him growing up. I can’t control his bowels for him no matter if I “push a bit harder”.

By the absolute skin of his teeth and by virtue of being nearly the oldest in the class he was dry by starting school and mostly clean (still using nappies for poo and needing help in the toilet at home). He had the odd accident well into year 2 but his teachers were great and school very supportive. His peers and their parents mostly had no idea he was even autistic much less the massive toileting struggles.

I cried about it almost daily for years and he was pretty unhappy about it at points too. I know a number of parents with similar stories. Get lost with the judgement - it’s vastly more effort in some cases than with a NT child and combined with all the other things that are vastly more difficult parenting a ND preschooler, I won’t condemn parents over it.

At 18 months you literally say here's a potty here's some normal big boy cotton underwear crack on

It's really not that hard

Some of these posts are awful, and like I’ve said, it’s a load of bollocks. The tabloids have been shrieking about this for two decades. Many of the original children not toilet trained by school will be parents themselves by now.

Agree.
You expect 4/5 year olds to have the odd accident, especially in a new school setting. But it is unbelievable how many show up in Reception in September and it is so obvious that little to no attempt has been made to toilet train them.

We followed the NHS advice, which is to wait until the child is ready! So that might be a factor!
www.nhs.uk/conditions/baby/babys-development/potty-training-and-bedwetting/how-to-potty-train/

We potty trained in a day or two at just after 3 years after waiting for the signs of readiness, it was very quick and simple. There was no need to take any annual leave, nursery supported what we were doing. No accidents.

Health Visitors were pretty much non-existent in my area, along with children's centres, so the only sources of advice were nursery and the NHS child development emails.

In contrast I was potty trained at 18 months, except I don't think I genuinely was, my mum just plonked me on the toilet at very regular intervals and started bad habits like insisting on 'trying' before leaving the house. Whereas it's better for continence not to go just in case.

From observation, friends who did potty train much earlier by around two then dealt with at least a year of accidents and a lot more washing.

Disposables are £3.50 from Aldi for a big pack.

Im a reception teacher and typical skills we have to teach children in the first few weeks are:
• how to hold/turn pages in a book
• how to explain what they want/need (usually just lots of pointing/noises)
• how to listen to a simple instruction
• how to sit for a short period of time
• how to turn take without resorting to pushing/hitting/crying without waiting their turn

I am very patient with all children and parents but I have a lot more understanding for parents who are trying, rather than expecting school to do it all.

We used reusable nappies and both our Dc’s were potty trained at 2yrs and 2yrs 3mnths. I do think it makes a difference. We didn’t make a big deal of it, they were both trained within a week. We were both working, nursery were happy to to use reusable nappies and support us with the training. One disposable nappy takes 500 years to decompose. Just think about all the disposable nappies we’re throwing away and if children now are potty trained a year later then previously then that’s millions of extra nappies in landfill, it’s heartbreaking. There‘s a lot of posts on here where parents are having a real struggle potty training but their children are between 3 and 4 and people are saying maybe they’re not ready! That’s crazy, the earlier you start the easier it is and better for the environment.

I’m sure they didn’t, it is obvious which parents are struggling with something and trying their best and those that can’t be bothered.

Same! I have started introducing it but he doesn't have a clue what I'm talking about. I have no idea how people used to manage it at 18 months.

I don't think DC would have been able to pull his trousers down at that age? He's only just working that out 6 months later.

We use cloth nappies, our son was four and about four weeks ofd starting school when he was finally reliable enough to have short trips out without wearing a nappy. Our daughter has been reliable enough not to need one when out since just before she turned two.

I honestly don't think he'd understand what I was talking about!

I had several days of my youngest lobbing the potty through the door saying it was not fun. They still came round to it after accepting that it wasn't going anywhere and this is the way we were doing things now. It can take more time with some of them.