My feed
Premium

Please
or
to access all these features

AIBU?

To think partners should consider the Mothers of their children as well as their own Mums?

94 replies

MummaMummaJumma · 27/02/2024 20:36

It’s really all in the question.

What does everyone do for Mother’s Day. Does DH/DP go to his Mums on that day, or does he spend it/celebrate it with you? I know some do both, but what if both parties have different ideas of how they’d like to spend the day?

OP posts:
Report

Am I being unreasonable?

134 votes. Final results.

POLL
You are being unreasonable
46%
You are NOT being unreasonable
54%
Ponderingwindow · 27/02/2024 20:39

My husband focuses on me. He sends his mother a card and gift.

the ebb and flow of life means the primary focus should be on mothers caring for children. I’ve never seen anyone do anything else in real life. Only online have I ever seen the idea that husbands celebrate their mother’s not their wife’s on Mother’s Day.

Report
2chocolateoranges · 27/02/2024 20:40

The morning is my Mother’s Day eg gifts, breakfast, then we visit both our mums for coffee and cake on the day too.
Mil passed away last year so that was dh’s first Mother’s Day without her, we just had a quiet morning and then I went over and saw my mum for an hour.

dd works in hospitality part time so is usually working, we tend to have a takeaway dinner as a treat on that day now.

Report
welshweasel · 27/02/2024 20:40

Mine buys a card and gift for his mum, and also something from the kids for me (and supervises them making/writing cards). No reason they can't do both!

Report
BeakyBlinders · 27/02/2024 20:41

Mine does neither. A card and flowers for his Mum the day before, and by request nothing for me as I think its all just a faff. We do lovely things and meals and flowers when we want rather than when it's overpriced and much busier. But I'm aware that I'll be in a minority feeling that way.

Report
welshweasel · 27/02/2024 20:41

Oh and we don't do anything special - this year he's going to watch the rugby with a friend so I'll be at home with the kids, no drama!

Report
jamswell · 27/02/2024 20:41

I've never had any interest in Mother's Day. A home made card and some daffodils is great, but never interested in meals or a special fuss. Always took the older generation flowers and a card but they weren't bothered either. We aren't a family for big fusses.

Report
Birch101 · 27/02/2024 20:42

I tell my partner that he can pop up and see his mum and take our child with him in the morning so they have a nice moment and I have a nice shower!

I would not spend mothers day with his mother but would spend it with mine, like I wouldn't expect him to spend Father's day with my side of the family

Report
Teamarugula · 27/02/2024 20:42

Most people I know spend it with their mums - so men to their mums and women to their mums with the kids. If one person’s mum is no longer around both usually go to the other partner’s mum. Men sort cards/presents from kids that are too young to do it themselves.

Report
Mum2jenny · 27/02/2024 20:45

Most ppl spend it with their mums, but it’s a total media con aiming to get ppl to spend money they don’t have. I do not support it in any shape or form.

Report
gamerchick · 27/02/2024 20:45

People seriously don't expect their partners to ignore their mothers on mother's day? It is possible to do both if you're that precious about it.

Report
bradpittsbathwater · 27/02/2024 20:47

My DH spends it with me and year old DS. His mum lives miles away and treated him horribly as a child so he has little to do with her.

Report
strugglingnd · 27/02/2024 20:47

When our mothers were alive we would have hem both over for lunch unless another sibling offered.

Report
baileybrosbuildingandloan · 27/02/2024 20:47

I would not expect my married sons, who have children, to spend Mothers Day with me!!
I don't expect anything but always get cards.
I would actively support them being with their lovely wives!

Report
WandaWonder · 27/02/2024 20:52

Mothers day is about my child not my husband

He has a mother, so do i

I am also a grown up who does not need a husband to mother me, nor do I 'father' him on father's day

Report
Thedance · 27/02/2024 20:52

Ponderingwindow · 27/02/2024 20:39

My husband focuses on me. He sends his mother a card and gift.

the ebb and flow of life means the primary focus should be on mothers caring for children. I’ve never seen anyone do anything else in real life. Only online have I ever seen the idea that husbands celebrate their mother’s not their wife’s on Mother’s Day.

Mother's day is for children to show their appreciation of their mother. A mother doesn't stop being a mother because her children are grown up.
I thought the idea was for children to think about and treat their mothers. For a child that can be a home made card and something they might have chosen but paid for by their father or something they have made. I have never seen it as a day for men to celebrate their wives that seems extremely odd to me .

Report
Daisy12Maisie · 27/02/2024 20:55

I get my mum a card and a small gift. Not flowers or chocolates as I have a lot of siblings so she will definitely get one of those things from someone else.
I might get her a voucher for something or cheap theatre tickets. Just being honest because if I said theatre tickets that sounds expensive but I buy them in advance cheap and we go together. Mother's Day is about a token gift in my opinion. I'm a shift worker so rarely free on the actual day.
My sons just say happy Mother's Day to me and make me a cup of tea if they are home. I'm not bothered about a card or a present and never have been so they don't bother. I have pre warned them that it might be important to future partners though so to be considerate and make a fuss if that's what their partner/ mother of their children would want.

Report
Autienotnaughtie · 27/02/2024 20:56

Mother's Day is my day really. We do lay in, pressies etc and spend the day as a family. Sometimes we will visit mil if it suits or see her the day before. Dh always gets her a card and gift tho

Report
EskSmith · 27/02/2024 20:57

"What if both parties have different ideas of how they’d like to spend the day?"
Odd question - then we communicate and compromise like real love adults. It's important to me that DH cares for his mum and makes an effort to make a fuss of her, a good example to our children surely?

Report
Spirallingdownwards · 27/02/2024 20:57

Teamarugula · 27/02/2024 20:42

Most people I know spend it with their mums - so men to their mums and women to their mums with the kids. If one person’s mum is no longer around both usually go to the other partner’s mum. Men sort cards/presents from kids that are too young to do it themselves.

What a strange set up. Noone I know does that at all. Just goes to show its each to their own and no way is the right way or wrong way.

In our family it's the family of the school age kids that celebrate together- husband wife and kids

Mums that are grandmas get cards and flowers sent but they do live a distance away.

Report
Daisy12Maisie · 27/02/2024 20:58

Sorry didn't really answer the question. I think dads of young kids should make sure the mum gets a break or some appreciation on the day eg let her have a lie in, make the kids and her breakfast or lunch. Any more than that isn't for me and I would find it stressful/ over the top but nothing wrong with it if people would like it. So making sure mums of young children feel supported/ appreciated is priority but they should also drop off a card or call their mum or something small to show their appreciation to their own mum.

Report
Ariona · 27/02/2024 20:59

Ponderingwindow · 27/02/2024 20:39

My husband focuses on me. He sends his mother a card and gift.

the ebb and flow of life means the primary focus should be on mothers caring for children. I’ve never seen anyone do anything else in real life. Only online have I ever seen the idea that husbands celebrate their mother’s not their wife’s on Mother’s Day.

This. I don't know anyone who doesn't prioritise their partners/wife. How else will the children have the example?

Report
AhBiscuits · 27/02/2024 21:00

My mum's dead so we usually go out for lunch with MIL and the kids.

Report

Don’t want to miss threads like this?

Weekly

Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!

Log in to update your newsletter preferences.

You've subscribed!

bluesky45 · 27/02/2024 21:02

Usually the morning is spent as an immediate family, celebrating me. Then in the afternoon I will probably do something with my own mum. He usually takes the DC to see his mum at this point, so celebrates her then. The evening is usually back to just the 4 of us, focus on me again.

Report
telestrations · 27/02/2024 21:02

We don't live in the same country as either MIL or DM so a non issue. If we did we'd likely all have lunch together. If in DHs home country along with his siblings and their partners and children for part of the day as they'd also see thier own Mums and MILs.

Up until the child is old enough I think it is the Dads responsibility to make sure it's celebrated. In fact PIL never stopped and they all get a call a weekend beforehand to check up on gifts and plans.

Report
telestrations · 27/02/2024 21:03

Ariona · 27/02/2024 20:59

This. I don't know anyone who doesn't prioritise their partners/wife. How else will the children have the example?

This is a good point. I hate the idea of my child growing up in a home where people go uncelebrated.

Report
Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.