Page 3 | To think partners should consider the Mothers of their children as well as their own Mums?

MummaMummaJumma · 2024-02-27T20:36:29+00:00

It’s really all in the question. What does everyone do for Mother’s Day. Does DH/DP go to his Mums on that day, or does he spend it/celebrate it with you? I know some do both, but what if both parties have different ideas of how they’d like to spend the day?

iwiporangi · 27/02/2024 23:24

It's going to be a long 2 weeks on here...

LaWench · 27/02/2024 23:30

It a hallmark holiday and I don't like it, too forced. A card and flowers are pointless, they end up in the bin the week after so the only gain is the shop and florist.
I'll do it for my Mum because it's considered customary but don't really want anything myself other than a hands-on Dad and good kids.

SqueakingMouse · 27/02/2024 23:30

I would be pissed off with my DH if he didn't visit his mum on mother's day with a card and gift.
She's his mum who birthed him and brought him up.

Xmasbaby11 · 27/02/2024 23:30

I just see it as a nice family day - we do something together, the kids enjoy doing cards and maybe a little present.

This year I will cook for Dm who is 86 and is not in good health. Dh will visit mil who is in a nursing home. None are local, so we won’t be spending it as a family. The priority for me is treating dm who will appreciate it a lot. I see my dc every day and hopefully will have many years ahead to enjoy being a mother.

Lovepeaceunderstanding · 27/02/2024 23:38

I’m a grandmother now. I have two sons they spend one year with me on Mother’s Day and one with their mother in laws. When we don’t see them on Mother’s Day they arrange to celebrate with us very close to the date.
I have absolutely lovely daughters in law who are happy to be looked after by their husbands wether they’re with me or their own mums. I do really love them both. I acknowledge, appreciate and treasure that my beautiful daughters in law aren’t in competition with me for my son’s affection, they understand that love expands and I know that they are most important to my boys.

iutiut · 27/02/2024 23:40

DH and the kids spends the day with me, although not always getting presents there is usually a breakfast in bed.

We are not British, mothers day is in May for us. Therefore I get two mothers days here😂 Both our mums live abroad anyway.

SleepingStandingUp · 27/02/2024 23:42

We're going to his mom's for lunch. She's a widow so she comes to us for anything like this and we'd normally go out for lunch but she's been wanting us over and this is the first weekend in ages I'll be free. I'll see my Mom probably Saturday or the Monday

Disneydatknee88 · 27/02/2024 23:45

My DH focuses on me. He buys gifts for me from the kids (that they pick) and asks in advance how i would like to spend the day. My bday often falls on mother's day (it does this year!) And he makes sure I still have separate gifts for mothers day and bday from the children.

Original poster

MummaMummaJumma · 27/02/2024 23:47

Lovepeaceunderstanding · 27/02/2024 23:38

I’m a grandmother now. I have two sons they spend one year with me on Mother’s Day and one with their mother in laws. When we don’t see them on Mother’s Day they arrange to celebrate with us very close to the date.
I have absolutely lovely daughters in law who are happy to be looked after by their husbands wether they’re with me or their own mums. I do really love them both. I acknowledge, appreciate and treasure that my beautiful daughters in law aren’t in competition with me for my son’s affection, they understand that love expands and I know that they are most important to my boys.

You sound like a lovely Mum! 🥰 I love that my DP wants to be with his Mum on Mother’s Day, it’s really sweet, and have supported that every year. I also have a great relationship with my MIL too so it’s a pleasure to be with her. I just wished DP could appreciate that I want some say in how we spend the day too.

To answer the above post, I have spoken to him, explained how I felt, he is really fixed on doing the plan arranged by him and siblings. But I haven’t pushed it anymore than that, I’m just booking a break away for the kids and I.

OP posts:

WandaWonder · 27/02/2024 23:49

Ariona · 27/02/2024 20:59

This. I don't know anyone who doesn't prioritise their partners/wife. How else will the children have the example?

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I am not my husbands mother, the first thing I learnt about my husband was how he treated his parents and this to me is a good thing

I do not have this ''I am wife I win over all other women'' thing that seems popular on here

Lovepeaceunderstanding · 27/02/2024 23:56

MummaMummaJumma · 27/02/2024 23:47

You sound like a lovely Mum! 🥰 I love that my DP wants to be with his Mum on Mother’s Day, it’s really sweet, and have supported that every year. I also have a great relationship with my MIL too so it’s a pleasure to be with her. I just wished DP could appreciate that I want some say in how we spend the day too.

To answer the above post, I have spoken to him, explained how I felt, he is really fixed on doing the plan arranged by him and siblings. But I haven’t pushed it anymore than that, I’m just booking a break away for the kids and I.

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@MummaMummaJumma , I think everyone can feel loved and appreciated in this situation. I am absolutely blessed I have such a lovely relationship with my daughters in law but I do think the key to that is that I know my place and my place is behind my daughter in laws and grandchildren. That said we have a glorious and joyful family dynamic. ☺️

Original poster

MummaMummaJumma · 28/02/2024 00:01

Lovepeaceunderstanding · 27/02/2024 23:56

@MummaMummaJumma , I think everyone can feel loved and appreciated in this situation. I am absolutely blessed I have such a lovely relationship with my daughters in law but I do think the key to that is that I know my place and my place is behind my daughter in laws and grandchildren. That said we have a glorious and joyful family dynamic. ☺️

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Aww, no wonder why you have such a lovely relationship with your DIL’s, you sound so much like my MIL… Is this my MIL I’m speaking to? 😂

I’d be very unhappy with my DP if he didn’t make an effort with his Mum on Mother’s Day, I just wish it could be a bit more balanced so we could both feel appreciated. My kids are too young to do something on their own. I kinda have to rely on DP until kids can do something, then I’ll be sweet and won’t be venting on Mumsnet lol x

OP posts:

Lovepeaceunderstanding · 28/02/2024 00:13

MummaMummaJumma · 28/02/2024 00:01

Aww, no wonder why you have such a lovely relationship with your DIL’s, you sound so much like my MIL… Is this my MIL I’m speaking to? 😂

I’d be very unhappy with my DP if he didn’t make an effort with his Mum on Mother’s Day, I just wish it could be a bit more balanced so we could both feel appreciated. My kids are too young to do something on their own. I kinda have to rely on DP until kids can do something, then I’ll be sweet and won’t be venting on Mumsnet lol x

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@MummaMummaJumma , you really need to sit down with your DP and express how you feel. I would just say please be mindful that your partner has a relationship with his mum that is deeply important to them both. Everyone can be happy. No one needs to feel sad or excluded. I was so worried when my elder son became serious with his now wife. There was no map, no guide book for me. I actually first posted here asking how I could be a good mother in law (my husband’s mother died when he was young).
Live with openness, giving and love with a sprinkling of forgiveness and compassion and that usually works well. Xx

Jeannie88 · 28/02/2024 00:39

Like Fathers' day, showing love for both and it can be done for goodness sake. How lucky to have your parents to celebrate it with and also your DP. My DH lost his Mum and I lost my Dad, what we wouldn't give to be able to spend time with them, give them a gift to show how much we love them. We are all children, like our children and pur parents, there is enough love to share ❤️

Jeannie88 · 28/02/2024 00:43

To add, marking the occasion doesn't have to actually be on the prescribed commercialised date. As everywhere is booked for meals and so value and quality will likely not be the best, doing it a week or even a few days before is our plan this year. Xx

crumblingschools · 28/02/2024 00:47

what happens must also depend where everyone lives. For years DM and MIL lived opposite sides of the country and miles from us too, so no popping over to see both of them in one day. Also had grans to consider. Now DM lives closer so can easily see her on the day and MIL can stay with us if she wants. No grans to consider anymore.

DC at university so first Mothers Day without seeing them

Tarkan · 28/02/2024 01:41

DH works Sundays and DC are 20 and 16 now anyway. My eldest is always away over Mother's Day now it seems (Comic-Con type stuff) so I've started taking my mum out as a treat which is then also a treat for me. DC buy me some small gifts but I've always told them I'm just as happy with supermarket flowers and a cheap card. MIL died before I met DH or I would have treated her too.

Codlingmoths · 28/02/2024 02:28

I expect my Dh to make an effort for me. I am the woman who is mother to his young children every day, 7 days a week, 52 weeks a year and he should value and appreciate that, and model to the dc caring for their mum, or he’d be a pretty crap partner. We try and see both our mums that weekend but depending on how we are feeling don’t twist ourselves into knots to see everyone on mother day.

MaxandMeg · 28/02/2024 10:43

It depends whether you celebrate Mothering Sunday or Mothers' Day. Mothering Sunday was a day when servants or indented workers were given the day off so that they could visit their mothers. The traditional cake was Simnel Cake, now considered an Easter Cake but then produced onMothering Sunday (middle Sunday of Lent). The traditional gift was a bunch of primroses.
Mothers' Day is a manufactured Hallmark thing. Nothing wrong with having a day to put the mothers of young children in the spotlight, but it's a relatively new thing and promoted by the advertising industry.
The 'proper' Mothering Sunday celebrated the mothers of offspring who had left home - so DMs and MILs. It's changed, apparently. Things do change.

gamerchick · 28/02/2024 11:36

Codlingmoths · 28/02/2024 02:28

I expect my Dh to make an effort for me. I am the woman who is mother to his young children every day, 7 days a week, 52 weeks a year and he should value and appreciate that, and model to the dc caring for their mum, or he’d be a pretty crap partner. We try and see both our mums that weekend but depending on how we are feeling don’t twist ourselves into knots to see everyone on mother day.

See the way I see it. If our blokes made the effort and made us feel like we matter the rest of the year, we wouldn't make such a fuss of these invented days where we have to be the centre of attention.

MightyGoldBear · 28/02/2024 12:16

Mine will do a card and gift to his mum, he usually plans a visit around the time, but not actual mothers day necessarily. For me he organises the kids doing presents cards flowers we might go out for the day to a garden centre and have a meal. He focuses more on celebrating me and our family. He isn't overly close with his mother she Has 4 other children and a husband so isn't left all on her own ect.

DappledThings · 28/02/2024 12:50

gamerchick · 28/02/2024 11:36

See the way I see it. If our blokes made the effort and made us feel like we matter the rest of the year, we wouldn't make such a fuss of these invented days where we have to be the centre of attention.

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Totally. I'm entirely unmoved by Mother's Day and any need for fuss because I do feel appreciated every day.

Pickled21 · 28/02/2024 20:45

We live a 10 minute drive away from mil so will pop in on her at some point during the day depending on her plans. Sometimes we visit the day before. On the day I usually get a lovely breakfast and then out for afternoon tea and dinner cooked by my dh. If we are visiting mil in the afternoon or taking her out for lunch we then do dinner out. My children are little though and I hope as they get older they will take over from dh. I don't begrudge dh wanting to see his mum over the weekend because I would be the same if mine lived closer.

I don't think there is a right or wrong way to celebrate just whatever works for you.

DinnaeFashYersel · 28/02/2024 20:49

We send cards from the kids to each of our mothers but don't bother ourselves.

I'm reallly not interested in the Hallmark Holidays

Screamingabdabz · 28/02/2024 20:54

The point is that dads facilitate Mother’s Day for their kids (so take them out shopping for a card etc). Then on the Sunday itself the children present the card and bunch of daffs to mummy but the rest of the day is plenty of time to pop in or have a lunch out with grannies?

Surely there is room for both generations to be cherished?