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Original poster

To think partners should consider the Mothers of their children as well as their own Mums?

94 replies

MummaMummaJumma · 27/02/2024 20:36

It’s really all in the question.

What does everyone do for Mother’s Day. Does DH/DP go to his Mums on that day, or does he spend it/celebrate it with you? I know some do both, but what if both parties have different ideas of how they’d like to spend the day?

OP posts:
mysparkleismissing · 27/02/2024 21:04

I'm taking mu mum for lunch. He doesn't necessarily DO mothers day (or much for his parents birthdays) DH is coming with us for lunch.

Seems to be forgotten that I'm a mum too.

mysparkleismissing · 27/02/2024 21:04

I'm taking mu mum for lunch. He doesn't necessarily DO mothers day (or much for his parents birthdays) DH is coming with us for lunch.

Seems to be forgotten that I'm a mum too.

Original poster
MummaMummaJumma · 27/02/2024 21:05

We usually all spend Mother’s Day with partners Mum. Every year, except during Covid. Was happy to this year too but had different ideas of how we wanted to spend it (I just wanted a chilled out one, perhaps a lunch at home instead of meal at restaurant). Partner will be with his Mum now. No fault of partners Mum, she’d likely be mortified if she knew.

OP posts:
LauritaEvita · 27/02/2024 21:05

My husband looks after the kids while I go out with my mum and the other women in our family, wether they’re mums or not. This is very common where I live and the restaurants/ bars tend to just be full of women on that day.

Bubblebait · 27/02/2024 21:10

My DH focuses on Me and we squeeze my DM in on our day / lunch out too. Not a great relationship with his Mum so he will briefly pop round there alone in the Morning.

ColleenDonaghy · 27/02/2024 21:15

Fathers of young DC should be treating the mums so that the children learn. They should also be treating their own mothers assuming there's a vaguely healthy relationship. Treating could mean gifts, time off, time together, a meal out, a home cooked meal etc depending on the relationship.

OP that sucks. Would he at least take the DC so you get a break?

DappledThings · 27/02/2024 21:19

DH and I send cards to our own mothers. DC make cards at school and I get a traditional bunch of daffodils at church.

Never been any conflict because it's never been a big deal or something that involves an event like a lunch or something.

A friend asked my advice one year about whether she should rearrange her DD's birthday party because it was booked on Mother's Day. It didn't cross my mind it was that big a deal or that anyone would not send their child to a party because they were doing something else for Mother's Day. I didn't really realise it was a thing.

PremiumRaa · 27/02/2024 21:33

Mothers Day has sadly become a dirty word in our family because MIL expects the world on a plate and causes hell each year. As a result I don't ask for or expect anything, DD might make a handmade card which is lovely but DH will be expected to spend the day taking MIL to an expensive restaurant and giving her expensive gifts. It's awful really.

StarlightLime · 27/02/2024 21:36

Ponderingwindow · 27/02/2024 20:39

My husband focuses on me. He sends his mother a card and gift.

the ebb and flow of life means the primary focus should be on mothers caring for children. I’ve never seen anyone do anything else in real life. Only online have I ever seen the idea that husbands celebrate their mother’s not their wife’s on Mother’s Day.

Only online have I ever seen the idea that husbands celebrate their mother’s not their wife’s on Mother’s Day
You can't be serious?! The clue is in the name.

Midnightrunners · 27/02/2024 21:42

My husband, together with his brother and sister, always take their mother out for lunch. They lost their father at an early age so she brought them up on her own. That shared experience has forged a strong bond between them as a family.

Original poster
MummaMummaJumma · 27/02/2024 21:44

ColleenDonaghy · 27/02/2024 21:15

Fathers of young DC should be treating the mums so that the children learn. They should also be treating their own mothers assuming there's a vaguely healthy relationship. Treating could mean gifts, time off, time together, a meal out, a home cooked meal etc depending on the relationship.

OP that sucks. Would he at least take the DC so you get a break?

Thank you @ColleenDonaghy. I feel unreasonable, but also believe it’s a day for all Mothers, including myself.

I really want to be with my kids on that day, but hoped we could all be together. I’m planning a break away for me and the kids now to get my spirits up abit. Feel disproportionately emotional for a day that’s made up anyway lol

OP posts:
Thomasina79 · 27/02/2024 21:49

I would expect the younger women to be the focus on the day, though would be hurt if no card was forthcoming for me!

on a separate note just after my own mother died I found it a sad thought that I didn’t have a mother to buy a card for. We were not close, but it did make me a bit melancholy!

Blakessevenrideagain · 27/02/2024 21:53

Never have celebrated it at all, Happy Hallmark Day? Nah, not interested. I get DM a card, but blank and write my own message as the gushy ones aren't 'us' and take flowers round. We don't have that kind of relationship for gushing sentiments. My DC will message me, but I don't want and have never encouraged cards/ presents.
DH never did it either. He didn't have a relationship with his mother.

Mumsanetta · 27/02/2024 21:54

A pub near near me puts up a poster every year just before Mother’s Day saying “Dads, you reap what you sow”. I’m sure it goes over lots of people’s heads but I always wonder how many men see that poster and appreciate that their Father’s Day experience might be intrinsically linked to how much effort they put into their partner’s Mother’s Day experience.

Anyway, DH always makes an effort on Mother’s Day. It’s generally a card signed by DD, bunch of tulips, breakfast in bed and a bottle of champagne. Low effort but high impact. We then usually have separate lunches with my mum and MIL. It’s a busy weekend but all mums are remembered and treated well!

GettingStuffed · 27/02/2024 21:55

I'm the oldest mother in my family. I'm expecting my DD to spend the day with her son. I. Happy with just a message

nimski · 27/02/2024 22:06

Ponderingwindow · 27/02/2024 20:39

My husband focuses on me. He sends his mother a card and gift.

the ebb and flow of life means the primary focus should be on mothers caring for children. I’ve never seen anyone do anything else in real life. Only online have I ever seen the idea that husbands celebrate their mother’s not their wife’s on Mother’s Day.

This.
But then both our mothers are 2 hours plus away so it's a family day for us.

Stompythedinosaur · 27/02/2024 22:08

We spend it all together. Dp gets to cook lunch for me, dmil and dm!

We are all mothers.

Catza · 27/02/2024 22:18

Not an issue here, we make absolutely no effort for any holidays except birthdays and Christmas.
@telestrations there doesn't need to be a special day to celebrate a partner or a parent. I think children do fairly well in households where people appreciate and love each other every day rather than wait for an arbitrary calendar date.

CurlewKate · 27/02/2024 22:21

Why can't they do both? After all, you're not your dp's mother-it seems a bit odd for him to focus on you rather than his actual
Mother. Obviously he should help your kids do something for you if they need it.

OhmygodDont · 27/02/2024 22:26

We take gifts and a card the day before and then we have a relaxed day at home on Mother’s Day.

Februaryismyfavourite · 27/02/2024 22:46

Some families are too spread out to spend the day together.

If my husband wanted to go and see his mother it would involve an overnight stay. To answer your question directly.

More broadly speaking, I haven't given it much thought. I don't feel extra special or need a whole day devoted to me as a mother, a home made card is more than enough. We send our mums a card and a gift each. Possibly see them some years if logistics allow given they are both a long way away!

marathon123 · 27/02/2024 23:15

I’m really surprised that some people would think it more normal for their DH /DP to spend Mother’s Day with their own mother rather than the mother of their own children but that might just reflect that my own family unit is more important to me and my husband than our relationships with our own parents,as well as the distance from them…..is it people who are especially close to their own mums do you think? Or the type of families/ people who never leave the area they were born in?

LizardOfOz · 27/02/2024 23:19

Neither I nor my DH know when Mothers Day is. I doubt his mother does either. He'll get me flowers if he's in the shop on the day and remembers. DC will make a card in school. He'll call his mum and she'll be surprised it's Mother's Day. Mine will know and I'll get my DC to send her a card because I don't really get on with her so don't want to send a "Best Mum in the World" one

If you'd like your DP to prioritize you, talk to him

LizardOfOz · 27/02/2024 23:20

In fact, having read the comment above mine, if my DH did want to see his mum I'd encourage him to go that weekend specifically as I think it would be nice for them

mitogoshi · 27/02/2024 23:22

If I'm lucky I'll get flowers from dc (they don't live with me now so depends on if they remember in time) dsd bought me daffodils last year which is sweet. I'll send flowers to my mum but we lost mil recently so won't visit my mum, not fair on dp

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