To think partners should consider the Mothers of their children as well as their own Mums?

[MummaMummaJumma]

It’s really all in the question.

What does everyone do for Mother’s Day. Does DH/DP go to his Mums on that day, or does he spend it/celebrate it with you? I know some do both, but what if both parties have different ideas of how they’d like to spend the day?

All I want is a card from DD and coffee in bed. DP makes that happen and I’m happy as can be. Then we go and see his mum. We’re in a different country to mine so I send flowers and FaceTime her.

When ds was too young to do anything I appreciated dh getting a small box chocs/breakfast from ds before we headed out to our own mums. If we are home for dinner he would call a takeaway cook it (not unusual as he does others days)

It was important to me that we modelled us genuinely appreciating our actual mums on Mother’s Day for when ds was old enough and it was my turn. I do not buy into the dh’s having to spoil their dp on the day farce - there are other days they can do that such as anniversaries, mothers days are for your own mum.

ditto for Father’s Day.

Husbands with young children should help them orchestrate something.

mmy DBro and I are taking our mum out on the Saturday as it’s a nice excuse for jt to be just us 3, and his wife’s mum is away for the weekend so he fair enough wants to help his kids (who are 4&6) make a fuss and for her not to do any boring parts of parenting on Mother’s Day itself.

mine are 12&15, I love some flowers and a home made card, anything beyond that is obviously appreciated but not expected.

Notice how the lone parents who never get a break anytime of the year just quietly get on with it.

I wouldnt say quietly

It’s mothers’ day, not wives’ day. Of course men should facilitate their kids celebrating their mum but equally they should also celebrate the woman who gave birth to them and raised them.

In our family, you spend time with your mum and if you have kids then you wait until your kids can give their mum something.

and pwroanally for me none of this OH arranging stuff on behalf of our 1yr old here is xyz. If for a few yrs until they are old enough to understand isn't going to hurt me. I wsnt them to understand it and decide what to get me not my OH. I find that weird.

Mine is likely to be away that weekend seeing his Uni friends as there are precious few occasions when they can all make it.

He's made sure DS has things for me, has a card for his mum and helped DS choose my DM a grandma card.

I will see my DM that day as DS is there overnight so I can fulfil a sporting commitment on Sunday morning

Usually we split the day. Part with my mum part with his. Which I don't typically mind, I love his mum and mine. But for the first time in 7 years since being a mum myself. I have decided I want to do what I want to on Mother's Day.

So, seeing our own mums on the Saturday then going for a hike just the 3 of us on Mother's Day.

The key is for no one to make a big deal of it. A card, a phone call, a bunch of daffodils, or similar is plenty. There’s definitely no need for Mother’s Day Top Trumps.

Who wo ok I no

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I get a lie in with cuppa and pastries.

We go out for lunch with DH family, and go to my mums for tea.

I get fuss in the morning but then he goes to see his mam and I take my DD to see mine. I enjoy spending time with my mam so I'm happy with this arrangement.

My partner focuses slightly more on me, eg will get me flowers/chocs/card from the kids and maybe we’ll go for brunch or breakfast in bed. Then in the afternoon he’ll pop round to see him mum with a card and a little something and I’ll go and see mine. I think even though you are the mother of his children it’s important he acknowledges and appreciates his own mother too. I think I’d be so sad when my DC are grown and I don’t see them.

I’m fairly certain my DH hasn’t even realised it’s Mothers Day next week, and I won’t be reminding him.
Im NC with my own Mum so I don’t have anything to sort but it would be nice for him to sit with the kids and make me a card, I know he won’t so I try to not be too bothered by it - the first year we had my DS I was hurt by his lack of effort but I’ve come to expect it now. He will probably realise in the morning when he sees the usual Facebook posts and rush out for something for his own Mum.

It has struck me that I never consider mothers day for me (I am a mother) only as something for my mother (reformed people pleaser / strained relationship). That's probably something for me to unpick ! My gut reaction was why would your husband do something for you, you aren't his mother - other than facilitate a card and some daffs if children are little but again that depends on your relationship day to day I suppose and whether mothers day is just another example of a partner not putting you first. My husband and his mum weren't very close so he would give a card and would pop round but it didn't detract from me as we wouldn't be doing anything.

It's never actually about the thing you are taking/upset about is it.

My DS has timed his visit back from Australia so he can be with me on Mother's Day.

At least, that's what I'm thinking.

Do anyone see their grandmothers, or do MILs etc go and see their mums if they are still alive. I know MIL goes to her mum's grave to lay flowers if she can (will be visiting DC this year) so may go another day or one of her siblings will go to the grave