Why don't parents feed children what they eat?

[Gruffallowhydidntyouknow]

Twice this week I have had conversations with people that make me wonder why in the UK we are obsessed with children's food and feeing children bland foods.

One friend told me that they were furious at their mother in law, as they had been for Sunday lunch at the weekend and had had to go to Tesco to get food in for their children (5,7, 10) because it was ridiculous that they were being offered the roast beef dinner.

Another friend was bemoaning cooking two different meals as she had to cook something the children would eat and something separate for her and her wife. She laughed and said she couldn't wait until they were old enough to eat curry (8 year old twins).

I despair at the sight of pub menus as it's always beige and chips for the children or a token tomato pasta unless you are in a really nice place. Is that really how people feed children?

I have literally never made separate foods with the exception of not giving my children steak pre teeth.

I'm genuinely intrigued what makes people feed their children separately. Is it that people really believe that children won't eat normal foods? Do people think you "shouldn't" give children spicey foods, or Game/ an olive / duck / stir fry?

Is it that they were weaned on plain things and are now fussy?

I'm not talking about the tiny portion of additional needs selective eaters.

So how do you explain why my first son ate everything we put in front of him yet my youngest - who was weaned in exactly the same way, exposed to exactly the same foods, and sat round the table with us to eat together every night- refused pretty much everything we gave him? And it certainly wasn’t through lack of trying…we had months of tears at meal times until we finally accepted we had no control over what he liked / didn’t like.

and yes…before I had a child who was a fussy eater, I was just as self-righteous and
judgemental as everyone else on here who seems to think that it’s easy to make a child eat. Trust me - it’s really not!

I'm not saying there are no reasons behind some fussy eating, there are lots of factors that may contribute. But some fussy eaters are definitely created by parents only giving their kids what they want.

I worked in a nursery for two years and regularly had parents bemoan how their kids ate vegetables, chickpeas, soup, curry and etc in nursery but only chicken nuggets at home. They weren't super tasters at home and 'average' at nursery. It was because of the response to the refusal of food.

Mine weren't weaned on plain things. I have one who eats most things, one who is very selective on food and another who copies her sister but really likes totally different things from her. The youngest did have chicken once in recent years and vomited straight after which wasn't ideal.

How often do you cook and eat food you don’t want?

@Withinthesewalls fairly often if you just mean food I do not fancy at that time, rather than food I hate. I cook food to use up ingredients, and meals that the children will like even if I am meh about the meals.

As I said previously, I'm not saying parents have zero influence. I'm saying if you think your child's wider range of tastes is down to your parenting, you just haven't had a super in your life.

Being labelled fussy is such a negative term, don't you think? It kind of feels judgmental, too.

Shall we start calling the super tasters 'supers' and the average tasters 'averages' going forward? And then everyone will know the parents of averages, are, really just doing average parenting. And everyone will know, the parents of supers are actually the ones doing a lot of super parenting, trying to get any veg into their children in a million and one different ways (and usually failing), and having to cook more than one meal every single day, which is so bloody tiring.

Every average parent might then have empathy for every super parent, while knowing their child, like their parenting, is, average.

You initially said it had 'zero' to do with parenting then you said 'most of it' is was not down to parenting. I don't think there is anyway to quantify why some children are fussy eaters, but parents will be a factor.

Personally I have no idea why some children are amazingly adventurous eaters. I was mainly on this thread for tips. I have an increasingly fussy toddler and her dad is a confirmed supertaster so I may well have a 'super' myself. But I strictly identify as an average parent.

My first had never had ice cream, chicken nuggets, baked beans, fish fingers, chocolate or biscuits before she started nursery at 13 months. Unfortunately these were foods her nursery regularly offered. Dreading sending my second who currently eats everything, as my first quickly got picky after starting nursery (though probs a coincidence, but still so unhealthy)

You don't need to look far to understand why some children have a wider taste for food than others, I have already linked the evidence for you. Just scroll up to my previous posts.

I'm guessing you may have an average child already, and have indeed been an average parent, but perhaps you now may also have a super on your hands? Or perhaps you have yourself been average all your life, and come from a family of average people? If so, here's a tip for you - don't refer to supers as fussy, it's lazy and unkind, and will damage your child's sense of worth.

So you have the evidence and probably the best tip for raising your super.

The evidence is not close to as conclusive as you seem to think
Has there been any research on supertaster children or how it impacts their ability to eat a varied diet?
There's also a study showing Asian people are far more likely to be "supertasters" that white people. How does that correlate with all the "ooh my ds can't possibly eat a curry, it's way too spicy"?
There might be some correlation, but it's hardly the get out of jail free card you are implying.

There is definitely a cultural aspect, you just need to look at the children's menus in the restaurants here in the UK versus other places, even as close as France.

Not too sure what the solution is. We have 4 kids. They all ate everything until about 2yrs old. But then it changed. Slowly refusing some food, ups and downs. I guess that's part of the deal and then it's how you respond to it to a degree. We adjusted but not too much and continued to offer 'normal' food in the main. It passed easily apart from my oldest.

My oldest is particularly fussy though she used to be 'better' at nursery/school, peer pressure I guess but that didn't work when she was a bit older like 8. For her we did eventually have to accept we need to do a bit more than just offering normal food as we do want her to eat as she's extremely active.

My 10yrs old and my 7yrs are easy eaters and will eat normal meals though they do tend to have meals separately to us during the week for practical reasons (nanny feeds them).

My youngest is different due to special needs but not fussy with what she can manage.

It's just my 13yrs old who is very sensitive and eats fairly boring food. Hope she grows out of it.

I have lunch at my school every week day, I don't always like it but I always eat it (except for porridge days, because porridge is not a proper lunch, I get hungry again too soon afterwards so I go get sushi instead on those days). At home I sometimes cook curry, which I've always hated, because everyone else in my family likes it, and I eat it because I'm not going to cook myself a separate meal.

Yes, that’s your choice. Children who don’t want the meal they are given don’t have the option to go out for sushi.

About once every 3 months I skip a free lunch to pay for sushi, if I couldn't do that then I would just have the porridge, just like my children just have whatever lunch they get at school and nursery, and whatever dinner they get at home.

I remember in my early parenting days being told “you can’t control what goes into them, and you can’t control what comes out of them so don’t get into battles about food or toiletting”, it’s stood me in good stead for my two.

I pick my battles

Ignore the people who are getting upset about this post. They are taking it all personally...

I have the same thoughts. Why people do it? My sis basically trained her kids to eat 4 beige things and that's it... And now she hoovers over them every time they get something different to their 4 beige meals and says " they won't eat it, it's not a tomato soup", guess what? They will try but won't carry on... Funny enough they eat what Grandma gives them when the mum is not around... They are 8. I understand picky eaters but I don't understand not offering what's already been cooked.... And then providing a very unappealing alternative...

Of course I wouldn't starve a kid and I get there is a lot of drama about food, but there must be a sensible solution?

I am not at this stage yet but when it comes to it I'll always have an alternative but the first choice will be what we have cooked for ourselves (hubby and I are foodies...)... And then some bland option so they get theirs nutrients...u

Our 2 have always been offered pretty much the same as us since about 1 yr old, mild curry’s, roasts etc…this is funny but we recently went out for a curry, the waiter went to give the extra hot to my husband, and when we told him it was for the 10 year old, he said ‘no can’t be’ 🤣 then came back later to ask how she learnt to eat such hot food 😂

I however was a very fussy child and was often given a dinner I would only eat a few small mouthfuls of…

Im not sure why some people don’t offer their children the same foods, not including neurodiverse kids in this who I know will often have a limited selection of what they will eat.

I think the key to children eating a variety of foods is about choice and eating as a family together.
It's about how you present that choice.

As I said upthread, I don't put food on a plate and expect them to eat it all.

I put the food in dishes/ saucepan on the table. I also make sure that there is something on the table for everyone. We often have bread or salad with the main meal as I know DC will eat this.

DC are allowed to choose from the selection available. So if they just want to eat plain pasta, then I let them - their choice. If they decide to have a bit of everything, great! Still their choice.

If they decide to try something they previously disliked, fantastic. But still their choice if they like or dislike the food.

I don't make a fuss or a big tata, there's no seperate alternatives to the food on the dinner table. They learn to eat what's available.

I wouldn't call it superior parenting?? Why is it?

just because a parent wants to make one meal for the family and for all to be encouraged to eat it? Why is that superior??

If so many people are eating the same as their kids I'm not surprised there's an obesity problem in this country. Kids need a totally different nutritional composition to adults, especially adults in sedentary jobs. Kids need heaps of carbs, a bit of protein, quite a bit of fat. Adults should be eating lean protein and vegetables at most meals if they are sitting down all day. My kids would waste away if they ate that.

If so many people are eating the same as their kids I'm not surprised there's an obesity problem in this country. Kids need a totally different nutritional composition to adults, especially adults in sedentary jobs. Kids need heaps of carbs, a bit of protein, quite a bit of fat. Adults should be eating lean protein and vegetables at most meals if they are sitting down all day. My kids would waste away if they ate that.
We all eat the same meals in our family and portion up according to everyone's needs.

It's not hard to serve pasta, salad and garlic bread appropriate to the people who are eating, or a roast dinner, or pie mash and vegetables. I regularly have garlic bread or focaccia as a side for DC.

It's probably easier to do this if you cook largely from scratch though.

I'm inclined to agree about the apple... It probably isn't enough, but tbh, it has probably only reached the "have an apple" stage with DD maybe 3 times. She'll default to cheese sandwich if given the choice between that and an apple.

Cheese is pretty much a "have at it kids" food in our house. I was a bit like DD as a toddler, and existed on a diet of "more cheese!" to the exclusion of all my mums lovely homecooked meals. It drove her bonkers.
I survived on a very cheese-heavy diet and came out alright in the end. So I figure DD probably will as well!

That's a good point.

I think even though I wasn't given them as a kid - that snacky bits like hummus, crackers etc is enough if they won't eat anything else. Apple with e.g. Dairylea triangle or 2 if they like that.

I mean as kids we were fed fairly beige food like sausages and chips and peas/beans but lots of home cooked meals (spag bol, shepherds pie) with veg and my DM baked her own bread and I hate to say it, but we got a balanced diet, didn't snack much apart from the usual odd crisps, sweets, chocolate and didn't overeat either. We were very active though, out all the time.

It's great if you can afford to and if your kids eat fruit and veg but I don't see the big deal in having it if you don't need to or can't afford it. Similar to others, we picked blackberries, DM had a big apple tree and pureed those when they ripened and were kept in Kilner jars for pies, stewed apple etc. We grew runner beans, peas, lettuces, tomatoes as children. Friends who lived further out had rhubarb, plum, pear trees etc and also chickens for eggs. Strawberries and cherry tomatoes were novelties and the first was when in season as were raspberries.

I remember being forced by my parents to eat what they made or go hungry. Often having to sit at the dinner table for an hour or more to pick at cold food that made me gag only to end up being sent to bed hungry and told not to whine about it.

I have yo yo dieted my whole life and have an in healthy relationship with food.

my daughter 11 either eats what I cook or she doesn’t. If she doesn’t like or want it I help her cook something she does like such as plain pasta and frozen veg.

if I’m making something I know she doesn’t like such as curry, il make her a seperate meal.

it’s important to me that she feels valued in her opinions and that she matters enough to us for us to spend an extra five minutes adjusting a meal to suit her taste.

hopefully she will have a much better relationship with food.

she is generally a good eater, but does not like anything spicy or with a complex flavour. I don’t expect her to eat food she doesn’t like and I also don’t want her to starve.