Why don't parents feed children what they eat?

[Gruffallowhydidntyouknow]

Twice this week I have had conversations with people that make me wonder why in the UK we are obsessed with children's food and feeing children bland foods.

One friend told me that they were furious at their mother in law, as they had been for Sunday lunch at the weekend and had had to go to Tesco to get food in for their children (5,7, 10) because it was ridiculous that they were being offered the roast beef dinner.

Another friend was bemoaning cooking two different meals as she had to cook something the children would eat and something separate for her and her wife. She laughed and said she couldn't wait until they were old enough to eat curry (8 year old twins).

I despair at the sight of pub menus as it's always beige and chips for the children or a token tomato pasta unless you are in a really nice place. Is that really how people feed children?

I have literally never made separate foods with the exception of not giving my children steak pre teeth.

I'm genuinely intrigued what makes people feed their children separately. Is it that people really believe that children won't eat normal foods? Do people think you "shouldn't" give children spicey foods, or Game/ an olive / duck / stir fry?

Is it that they were weaned on plain things and are now fussy?

I'm not talking about the tiny portion of additional needs selective eaters.

Dear parents of children who eat a wide variety of foods.
It's nothing to do with your parenting. Be grateful you got lucky.

Dear parents of children who will not eat a wide variety of foods.
It's nothing to do with your parenting. Don't beat yourself up, there will be plenty of parents from the first category to do that.

This is what is referred to as “cope”. But keep telling yourself this if it makes you feel better.

A huge part of your role as a parent is to ensure your children eat healthy and nutritious food so they can grow strong and hardy and not suffer from food related health conditions. A wide variety of food is not in terms of exotic or fancy food but means a variety of fruit, vegetables, carbohydrates, fats and proteins. You can absolutely ensure that your children get food from all these food groups while still catering to fussy eaters with simple palates.

DH and I both flex our hours which means that he's never in nursery past 4pm. He has dinner at 5, bath at 6 and bed at 7.

Of course, if we couldn't flex our hours for whatever reason then he'd have to manage but it wouldn't be ideal.

Ok so I’m half Spanish and also have spent a lot of time in France and Italy so I’m speaking from experience here. While there are exceptions the children in these countries are on the whole far less fussy than British children. Mainly because good food is super important to these cultures and eating certain foods is simply non negotiable. For example in Spain small children are introduced to a wide variety of seafood that most British parents would never dream of even trying to give their kids( things like white anchovies in vinegar, baby octopus, mussels and prawns with the heads on etc). In Italy the first baby food is often baby cereal cooked in a meat or vegetable broth, topped with Parmesan and olive oil. In France, babies are often given vegetable broth mixed into milk to get them used the flavour. So there is this understanding that kids can be fussy do you have to get them used to the food you want them to eat when they are little. And generally this approach works. But it’s also reinforced by grandparents who are even more traditional when it comes to food culture and also at nurseries and schools where traditional, healthy food is the norm.

Grazing is very bad for your teeth. Dentists in my country make it clear that you should not let your children eat more than 5 times a day, with a decent gap between each time so the teeth have a chance to recover from the food acids.

It's not "nothing to do with parenting". You're kidding yourself if you think anything that kids do is "nothing to do with parenting". With exceptions for SEN, good eating habits need to be taught, just like everything else.

@Borntrippy I tried that but in our case our son became 'fussy' anyway. Up until two he would eat fried rice, stir fries, paella, noodles, dumplings, cottage pie... all of the home cooked foods we eat regularly. Once he turned two he randomly started refusing to eat them 😑

Babies going to bed at 7 I can kind of understand but children? It’s overkill, they don’t need 12 hours throughout childhood.

And yes naps are normal in infant school in Spain but not at school age. We used to nap at my British primary school, it’s something that should be brought back if it doesn’t happen anymore.

Yes toddlers get fussy because they know what they like and don’t like. A battle is inevitable but you can always cook blander food that is still healthy. Examples:

pasta with butter and cheese
vegetables with a cheese sauce on top
roast chicken
mashed potatoes
porridge

My British grandmother was very good at getting me to eat things I didn’t like but making them creamy or buttery and most kids like this type of food. You can also make homemade versions of things like chicken nuggets and fish and chips.

Naps aren't a thing at schools in England and I highly doubt they ever will be again considering specific required teaching hours, higher academic demands from Ofsted, lack of funds etc.

My DS is currently still young at 15 months so I know he won't need 12 hours forever but as long as he continues to need it then a 7pm bedtime it will be, even if that means during the first few years of school.

Babies going to bed at 7 I can kind of understand but children? It’s overkill, they don’t need 12 hours throughout childhood.

My DS needed a good 12 hours up until he was 8/9, in P1 he would be falling asleep at the table at 6.30, especially towards the end of the week. He still needs 10 hours aged 11.

Probably because as we get older, our taste buds become less sensitive so we tend to add more salt, sugar etc to make food taste better. I tend to give my toddler the same food but, if I do mash for example, I will put her a portion out before adding additional salt, butter etc. Often adult meals can contain far too much sodium and/or sugar for little ones.

I don't think it's luck. It's how you approach food and meal times.
It's also about your own relationship with food.
Children learn by copying their parents.

They also use food as a means to control their environment.
Again, it's down to how you parent your child around meal times.

And yes, it's absolutely fine if a child does not like a particular food.

I hate onions, I have learnt from early on to just pick them out to the side of my plate.
Unfortunately, or luckily, I didn't get a Cheese & Tomato pizza instead of Beef stew riddled with the fuckers.

What time do you think they should go to bed?

What they like and don’t like is entirely down to their taste buds, you can’t control that.

Mine won’t eat eggs for example. We eat eggs regularly, he ate eggs as a baby and toddler- then suddenly at 3 1/2 he said he doesn’t like them and that’s that- he hasn’t eaten them since. Same thing with milk, yogurt, hummus and sardines. Ate them fine for years, then suddenly didn’t like them and never eats them, even though we continue to eat them as normal.

People have different tastes, and children are people.

I agree, if you eat together, eat the same meals and aren’t faddy yourself they tend to eat what is put in front of them when they’re small. Obviously they may develop preferences later and if they learn that being difficult about food results in lots of attention they may like this too, a lot of people are manipulative around food.
We have four adult children who like most foods and we learnt early on to avoid confrontation of any kind at mealtimes

I think it should depend on each child and each family but ours go to bed around 9pm as we like to eat together and spend that quality time in the evening together as a family.

My oldest hates onions unless it's finely chopped and she can't see them then she will eat it. My children hate tomatoes but love tomato ketchup. They will wipe the plate clean when they have spaghetti with passata and tomato puree in it but they hate tomatoes???

3 year old need 11.5 hours sleep a night. So either he goes to bed at 7.30 or he's late for nursery.

My two have always eaten what we eat. As they have got older we’ve had clubs they need to be at so once a week we do “freezer tea”. We have always said try once, if you dont like then never again and so far they have tried a bonkers range of foods. my eldest hates chips so pub food is nightmare. Still don’t get why every child’s menu is full of chips 🙈

The reality us that lots of families have two working parents who are totally knackered and skint and convenience bland food fills everyone up and is quick. Can keep in freezer and doesn't spoil. Then next generation does same thing.
Some lucky parents have time energy and knowhow to cook from scratch, buy fresh veg , run a freezer to allow batch cooking.

But lots of families work loads of hours and have limited resources

@Carpediemmakeitcount I think that's quite a common one. My husband and dad both love tomato sauces but not real tomatoes. I love real tomatoes but can't do tomato sauce 😂

By that logic you could say all parenting has zero influence on children, and everything comes down to luck. Which we know is not true.

I'm not one to judge any parent but if you only ever feed your child what they want you are limiting their exposure to different foods and it is reinforcing the behavior.

That's because you have had luck on your side.

Being a supertaster (or not) is genetic, and that is nothing at all to do with anyone's parenting.

Be grateful for your average tasters, it's so much harder feeding the supers.

Super-Tasters and Non-Tasters: Is it Better to Be Average? | The Nutrition Source | Harvard T.H. Chan School of Public Health

I refer you to my previous post.

Of course I'm not saying parents have zero influence, I think anyone with any sense understands that. I'm pointing out most if it is not down to parenting, and people should not feel bad if their children won't eat a wider variety of foods. I know that's a bitter pill to swallow for the 'aren't I a fabulous parent and aren't you a shit parent because my child eats a wider variety of food than yours brigade'.

As I said it's harder to be a parent of a super kid, and if your kids are all average, you just won't get it.