Why don't parents feed children what they eat?

[Gruffallowhydidntyouknow]

Twice this week I have had conversations with people that make me wonder why in the UK we are obsessed with children's food and feeing children bland foods.

One friend told me that they were furious at their mother in law, as they had been for Sunday lunch at the weekend and had had to go to Tesco to get food in for their children (5,7, 10) because it was ridiculous that they were being offered the roast beef dinner.

Another friend was bemoaning cooking two different meals as she had to cook something the children would eat and something separate for her and her wife. She laughed and said she couldn't wait until they were old enough to eat curry (8 year old twins).

I despair at the sight of pub menus as it's always beige and chips for the children or a token tomato pasta unless you are in a really nice place. Is that really how people feed children?

I have literally never made separate foods with the exception of not giving my children steak pre teeth.

I'm genuinely intrigued what makes people feed their children separately. Is it that people really believe that children won't eat normal foods? Do people think you "shouldn't" give children spicey foods, or Game/ an olive / duck / stir fry?

Is it that they were weaned on plain things and are now fussy?

I'm not talking about the tiny portion of additional needs selective eaters.

I thought this before I had children. But my children are fussy eaters. They won’t eat red meat or gravy and wouldn’t eat mashed or boiled potatoes, green beans . A chicken dinner with carrots and peas would be ok.
Won’t eat minced beef either. Won’t do spicy food . Korma curry is the limit. The 12 year old is now extending his repertoire a little.

There's a prevailing belief that children should always eat SOMETHING, even if the only something they are willing to eat is devoid of any nutritional value. My daughter is naturally quite fussy, but we just serve her what we're eating. If she doesn't choose to eat it, I'm not worried- she eats 3 meals a day + snacks most days at nursery and on the weekend missing one meal won't kill her. I do make some concessions in what I'm serving, for example she hates lemons so if I'm making lemon chicken I'll serve the sauce separately and she will eat the chicken and the rice, if she's feeling very daring she'll try dipping the chicken in the sauce so she can tell me how horrible it is.

Some people don’t grow out of it. I went out with a guy who hadn’t grown out of fussy feeding. He ate beige pasta, pizza and/or chips.

He wasn’t easy cos you couldn’t go out anywhere much - he asked if he could have domino’s delivered to our table at the local, justly famous Indian restaurant.

That level of look-at-my-awf’ly-sensitive-tastebuds isn’t interesting. The poor chefs.

I had a boyfriend in my mid 20s who’d been brought up as a fussy eater and only opted for beige food as an adult. He hadn’t grown out of it by 30 years old and i’d imagine he’s still like that now to this day.

I remember we were on holiday on a Greek island and all he ordered for the entire week was chips. That’s it. Chips. We went to a little family run taverna in the middle of nowhere and they only served traditional greek food. He asked for, yes you guessed right, chips... with tomato ketchup.

I remember sitting opposite him at the table in this beautiful little restaurant and finding him deeply unattractive and thinking to myself ‘this isn’t going to work out’. And it didn’t.

My sister has suggested this could have been a catalyst but honestly can't remember her being very ill around that time. I'm trying so hard to just keep putting stuff in front of her but we aren't really getting anywhere. Hearing from people like you who say it eventually works does help ease my mind though so thank you!

It actually pains me to think back to her first birthday her sat there tucking in to slow cooked beef in tomato sauce, tzatziki, olives, greek salad and more then fast forward to her second birthday she was walking round with a piece of plain baguette because she refused anything else. That about sums up our journey so far!

Or, they already have fussy eaters and don’t want them to starve. My parents had a very strict rule of eat what’s put in front of you or nothing at all. I was a tiny scrawny little child and frequently did eat nothing at all. It also hasn’t made me any less fussy as an adult, because my food preferences/sensory issues couldn’t in fact, be trained out of me

i have two children, both raised on the same range of foods and with the same food rules as each other. One eats pretty much anything, the other not so much. I’m not saying spoilt eaters don’t exist but chances are, as much as you think you’re a parenting genius, there was probably a good amount of luck involved.

Nobody is saying give children food they really do not like. But missing a meal is not a big deal as long as children are a healthy weight.

I never had to make my kids anything separate until they started school. Then they wanted the beige foods they were served there. And they are in these huge cafeterias with other kids saying they don't like x or y food and now your kid won't eat it anymore.
So, do you purchase expensive vegetables and meats that your child refuses to eat and you can't afford to waste, or do you just give them a potato? And I don't know how bad it is in the UK, but in the USA if your kid goes to school and says they didn't eat dinner last night, you get a nice little visit from the authorities. Better hope you have cleaned up and done the dishes when they come or else they are in your life for the next few months until they write up a report saying you aren't starving your kids.
And that doesn't even count the teachers or admin staff that for some reason think that they need to go buy your kids McDonald's because they didn't like the school breakfast and are now crying they are hungry.

What’s the weather like up there on your high horse?

Mom of 5 (soon to be 6) here.. I often make 2 meals at the same time . Not necessarily one for adults, one for children but generally because there's a lot of people in my house and it's very rare that you'll find a meal that 7 people will agree on. I absolutely adore chilli the only other person in the entire house that likes it is my 12 year old.. so should I never have chilli or should I force everyone else to eat it when it's not to their taste?? No! So I'll make the chilli and use some of the meat to make a spaghetti bolognese or meatballs at the same time as i make the chilli.. if we have pasta night, I'll usually make a cheese based sauce and a tomato based sauce.. then everyone has something that they will happily eat.

I grew up in a very poor house where you ate what was put infront of you or went hungry.. the amount of times I recall gagging on my dads home made cottage pie and cabbage while not being allowed to leave any was crazy.. I don't want that for my kids.

I couldn't be bothered to make separate meals. However, would accept that children could pick out the bits that they wouldn't eat. E. G. Mushrooms from a stew. Eating together was important to me. Plus, I was so hungry when children little that I couldn't have waited til after their bedtime to eat.

indont disagree but i know why peoe do it

we do feed our child separately but try to eat together at weekends

we like to eat spice a lot but a roast dinner is easily a child friendly meal

Ive never made seperate meals. We always eat as a family at the table everyday. My 2 year old eats same as us and that includes curry, spag bol, fajita, roast dinners etc and has done since being weaned. My teeangers also eat the same. If they are not keen they will often have a small portion and cook mac and cheese later in evening

Yes, your langauge. You were the only only referring to forcing.

My reply will be similar to many on here. Both of my children were weaned on "normal" foods - pasta dishes, curries, casseroles, stir fry etc.
My eldest, now a teen, eats most things and is willing to try just about anything.

My youngest is fussy and sensory. He doesn't eat: bread, unless toasted (but not a toastie, just toast); any other bread bases product such as rolls or bagels; rice; pasta; potato based products (bar one or two baked potatoes with beans a week); most veg; most sauces (bar ketchup) etc.
He would happily eat plain chicken breast or drumsticks, fish fingers, sausage, bacon or pizza for every meal.

This isn't for want of trying.
It's now easier to serve two meals.

It is acceptable. It’s perfectly fine.

A happy child is a fed child. At home she can eat what she wants and I’ll happily cook different meals for her. At school she eats a full range of meals so why shouldn’t she eat what she wants at home? Pick your battles and to me this is one I don’t want to fight. Eating disorders are not what I want to be dealing with because I made her eat stuff she doesn’t like, I have issues because of what my mother thought was right and my life at restaurants sucks. Once she’s a bit older she can cook the stuff she likes so me and dad can eat together.

Nope, my children were resilient it will remain on the plate. I haven't changed the way I eat. Eventually they grew out of it and now they can eat anything I put in front of them.

I was cooking ox tail stew and I left a scotch bonnet in it and it had broken apart. My middle child could eat it without any complaints.

Was I are you sure about that? 🤔

I suppose that poster felt it was like a battle field trying to get food down them. A little compassion would go a long way rather than judging other posters for how they want to express themselves.

If you don’t want your kids hooked on junk like oven chips and nuggets then don’t introduce them ever. Children get easily hooked on processed foods so better they don’t taste them until much older.

Not necessarily true my children had junk food as well as healthy food growing up. They do watch what they eat now and go to the gym but they won't deprive themselves of a little junk food now and then. It's all about teaching children how to have a healthy relationship with food of all kinds.

This discussion is very much like the one related to tech and social media. Don’t want your kids to get addicted to smart phones, tablets and social media? Don’t buy these devices in the first place! Want your children to eat healthy, diverse food? Don’t buy the junk! Don’t take them to KFC, McDonald’s etc. The main issue is of course that parents pass on their own bad habits to their children, which into some degree is unavoidable. If we want our children to behave in a certain way then we must model this behaviour ourselves, which is not always easy.

Can I ask why you fed them junk food at all? What was the benefit, as there is no nutritional value? Was it because you also enjoyed junk food on occasion? Not judging just curious.

We don’t demonise any food in our house. There are foods we eat often (the healthier things) and foods we eat occasionally - either because of convenience or for fun. Nothing is off limits.

2 kids both very different. Eldest are everything when weaning but when she turned 4 has decided to start refusing things she previously loved. Youngest was terrible to wean just didn’t eat food but since turning 1 is starting to experiment more. Both weaned in the same way, it’s just personality. I don’t judge any parent for wanting their child to eat and if that means a separate meal then so be it