Why don't parents feed children what they eat?

[Gruffallowhydidntyouknow]

Twice this week I have had conversations with people that make me wonder why in the UK we are obsessed with children's food and feeing children bland foods.

One friend told me that they were furious at their mother in law, as they had been for Sunday lunch at the weekend and had had to go to Tesco to get food in for their children (5,7, 10) because it was ridiculous that they were being offered the roast beef dinner.

Another friend was bemoaning cooking two different meals as she had to cook something the children would eat and something separate for her and her wife. She laughed and said she couldn't wait until they were old enough to eat curry (8 year old twins).

I despair at the sight of pub menus as it's always beige and chips for the children or a token tomato pasta unless you are in a really nice place. Is that really how people feed children?

I have literally never made separate foods with the exception of not giving my children steak pre teeth.

I'm genuinely intrigued what makes people feed their children separately. Is it that people really believe that children won't eat normal foods? Do people think you "shouldn't" give children spicey foods, or Game/ an olive / duck / stir fry?

Is it that they were weaned on plain things and are now fussy?

I'm not talking about the tiny portion of additional needs selective eaters.

Restaurant food would have so much salt in which could damage a baby's kidneys, which is what I'd be worried about.

One tiny meal’s not going to do any harm.

My kids ate everything at that age as well, and i was ever so smug about it. It didn't last though! IME kids always prefer the beige food to the more exciting meals that we adults like. DD was a massive fan of spicy food at age 5, now she can't stand it!

As someone with a fairly selective diet- think only having eaten proper food as an adult, and its taken me until my 30s to get to the point where most people don't realise how fussy I am... was fed beige shit my entire childhood, very few vegetables or fruits were served to us!

I make an effort for the kids to eat what I do. Intact even some of the things I won't eat!
DS 22 months old has always eaten the same as us, chilli too hot? A bit of extra rice and sour cream.
Curry, bit of extra rice and mixed so it looks moreike a biryani.
Steak was one of his first foods, we BLW.
Hummus is a regular in his diet.
He loves fruit, loves an onion bhaji.
Sometimes we will order beige stuff in a restaurant, but he does eat proper food a lot.

Tbh I can't understand people bemoaning their kids can't eat a roast dinner... even for early days of weaning, thats a good choice for kids, isn't it?

But the truth is that all adult food has way too much salt in. Unless people use no salt stock and no soy sauce etc, it will do. So that's why lots of people cook separately for their kids.

Inflammatory language?

The toddler years was hard and you can't force them. When they are babies and they are weaned it's easy stuff the spoon in their mouth. As they start to grow and learn how to keep that Choo Choo train from entering their mouth it becomes hard and you realise you have a fussy eater. They get picky. I have not changed the way I cook but I won't see my child go hungry so what ever it takes until he can eat what we eat.

I am with you. I fed my children what my husband and I were eating- why would you make 2 meals ? I do recall issues with children staying who struggled to eat e.g Sunday lunch of roast meat

I have always thought this my DC’s have always eaten the same as we have. We did BLW straight from the off. They aren’t fussy eaters and never have been, I genuinely don’t know what comes first the fussy eating or the being provided with restricted foods.

I'm from another culture and totally get what you're saying about this being a thing that's more common in UK but people can't really see the sea they swim in, IYSWIM, so you will get a lot of plain denial and/or defensiveness.

I fed my young children homecooked food at every meal, but as they ate much earlier, would always cook for them separately, so they wouldn’t necessarily have exactly what we were eating. Also, I used less salt and spice for their food and DS hated cheese from 0yrs.
But yes, agree OP, I also hate the ‘children’s menu’. I often ended up buying them side plates of vegetables and they were happy with that.

My kids were weaned on olives, sardines and sourdough (I’m exaggerating, slightly, but you get my drift). As they got older, I never made separate meals for them. They ate what we ate. They especially loved spinach and asparagus soup!

Ah, the halcyon days. I was a smug bastard then.

Now they turn their nose up at everything. If I can convince 2 out of 3 to even try it it’s a bloody miracle. They often refuse at the mere smell of it! And if it’s an old fave like spag bol there’s complaints of ‘not this again. It’s so boring’. I can’t win.

Sounds like you've actually suggesting this is acceptable?

If you suddenly found you didn’t have the money to provide menu options, what then?

Will your children go on hunger strike in protest? Or do you think they would be able to force themselves to eat what you had to offer them?

We work full time and don't always have time to adapt spicy meals to dc in the evening before bed.. We are used to high spice content so scotch bonnets, habanero, you can't feed children really spicy food as it can make them ill plus it would be cruel.

So I think yabu in regards to spice (my ds won't touch spice e.g spicy pizza) however we do try to include him in our usual meals so long as they are not spicy. Luckily our son is not a picky eater and has a balanced diet.

Sounds like you've actually suggesting this is acceptable?

I’m not “suggesting” it’s acceptable. For my child it’s perfectly fine, there are good reasons for him being the way he is and I’d rather he gained the social benefit of eating out than have him worry about what he’s eating.

We always ate what my parents were having and have always fed my two same meals as us. I would certainly not cook extra meals.

75% of our meals are shared with DDs but the freezer cuisine, egg and chip, beans on toast nights are reserved for when me and DH have steak, takeaway or fancy random grown up food that's pricey and we don't want to share 😀

Yes, we’ve always sat down together and eaten the same food, only exceptions were when they were babies and had to eat less salt. Then I simply salted the food after taking out the baby’s food. I didn’t make super-hot curries for them as children and obviously I sometimes had to chop things up, such as roast meat.
I’ve always just put a meal on the table and expected them to eat it and they’ve developed likes and dislikes as they’ve got older but that wasn’t a problem when they were younger.

Four children, three of whom are autistic. They got what they wanted if it meant they would eat. Son took the same lunch to school every day, from reception to sixth form.
Dds, similar.

Most 'fussy eaters' seem to grow out of it in their teens or, if they don't, there's a deeper issue at play which means it would be quite frankly inhuman to have forced the issue when they were younger and made food a torment for them.

If you can get them to age 18 relatively healthily, does it really matter that they refused to try aubergine parmagiania at age 8 and you gave them fish fingers and peas instead? Why stress so much over it? Why is it seen as a moral failing on the part of parents. It's an odd thing to get wound up over.

I remember waiting at school until the dinner ladies weren't looking and then scraping my full plate into the bin before anyone could see me so I wouldn't be sent back to sit in front of my food. My DC just doesn't eat their lunch if it's something they dislike - they go hungry, but at least no one shames them and they can go and play if they want.

As an adult, there are very few things I won't eat.

I would LOVE my kids to eat what we do! Although my 9 year old pretty much does now. My 3 year old is very fussy. Both weaned the same, they ate lots of variety but became fussy eaters like a lot of children do when around 1.5/2 years old. I tried only offering what we had..worked to a certain degree with son but my girl simply didn’t eat. She lost weight. Please enlighten me as how I could have avoided that?

Please do not be so judgemental, for some parents it’s not down to lack of trying! Well done you for being lucky enough to not have fussy eaters! Motherhood is hard enough without mums like you bashing others when the majority are trying their damned best!

No offence elm26, but your comment really cracked me up. Introducing food to a 9 month old can definitely be fun! Trying to get a very picky, stubborn 9 year old to eat something they don't want, can be awful!

People may not believe this but you can start off with the best intentions and your child may be initially receptive to lots of food and they still end up being extremely picky. But I'm sure people who have kids who are not truly picky eaters won't believe that it isn't all the parent's fault they turned out that way.

Mine is a dustbin like her father but also has an allergy so sometimes she just can’t have what we’re having or needs a slightly different version. She gives anything a go and if she doesn’t like it she doesn’t eat it. BUT I do recognise I did nothing to achieve this and it’s pure luck that she’s followed her father cos I’m the fussiest eater alive. In fact, she’ll often have something different to me cos I can’t have what she’s having!

I feed them what we are having. They mightn’t eat everything on the plate but that’s no big deal.
Toddlers are a pain though they could live something one day and tell you it’s nice and next time it’s yuk.
Small ones are in childcare so there is a hot meal provided there and always eat everything. My eldest was same when in childcare he used to eat things there he wouldn’t for me. He is autistic and never great with fruit or veg over years ( when at home) but my perseverance paid off and eats most veg now. He was watching me one day cooking and realised that there was onions in a dish he loved. I had to come clean that I had been sneaking vegetables in for years. He accused me of lying to him all these years but ate his dinner.

I just make one meal for everyone whatever it may be, it’s not the hassle of cooking two meal that’s not the problem I just can’t be bothered to each up twice haha!

I own a pub and we do have a “normal” children’s menu like you described BUT we do all our main menu for children if they want it, joys of cooking fresh food and being a freehold! So we have the prawn Thai red curry smaller portions if they want it!
I get so many funny looks when I order my children (2&6) salmon pate and things like that when we go out because people don’t believe they will eat it but they love it!