Why don't parents feed children what they eat?

[Gruffallowhydidntyouknow]

Twice this week I have had conversations with people that make me wonder why in the UK we are obsessed with children's food and feeing children bland foods.

One friend told me that they were furious at their mother in law, as they had been for Sunday lunch at the weekend and had had to go to Tesco to get food in for their children (5,7, 10) because it was ridiculous that they were being offered the roast beef dinner.

Another friend was bemoaning cooking two different meals as she had to cook something the children would eat and something separate for her and her wife. She laughed and said she couldn't wait until they were old enough to eat curry (8 year old twins).

I despair at the sight of pub menus as it's always beige and chips for the children or a token tomato pasta unless you are in a really nice place. Is that really how people feed children?

I have literally never made separate foods with the exception of not giving my children steak pre teeth.

I'm genuinely intrigued what makes people feed their children separately. Is it that people really believe that children won't eat normal foods? Do people think you "shouldn't" give children spicey foods, or Game/ an olive / duck / stir fry?

Is it that they were weaned on plain things and are now fussy?

I'm not talking about the tiny portion of additional needs selective eaters.

@tealweasel they can literally pick what they want. I do tend to pick places that serve things I'm not as familiar with, but if they want chicken n chips, they can have it. It's not the law that they must eat something weird.

I think this too.

Plenty of parents also eat beige food, chips, pizza and pasta.

Children naturally prefer bland foods, or very specific foods with a lot of conditions around them. You are lucky that your kids have developed a varied taste early on. Just pipe down as it’s not the norm. Having a battle over Chicken stir fry when they would eat chicken with plain rice and raw vegetables is not worth the hassle for me/ many parents. I prefer my daughter to eat a decent amount rather than pick at something she isn’t familiar with and then snack the rest of the day. She will usually attempt whatever is put in front of her at a friends house but will come home and eat toast. She tries more and more things and will be fine. But this is not the hill I have chosen to die on.

@pontipinemum Yes, even during fussy patches at home, nursery always report that he eats everything (often requesting seconds!) In some respects it's maddening, but on the other hand it's reassuring that nothing's genuinely wrong, he's just boundary testing in a comfortable environment. I think the peer pressure of a nursery lunch table can work wonders for encouraging them to try things!

Mine ate everything under the sun until he was 2, then a switch got flicked and he would only eat beige food. It’s been almost 4 years since he managed to swallow a vegetable but he also won’t touch processed foods. There are three of us in our house and none of us eat the same meals. We all sit down to eat together but we have different stuff.

It is most likely a phase, most toddlers go through this. Keep offering the variety of foods, have a variety of foods on your plate and let him "steal" them from you (works with some toddlers), show enjoyment when you eat these foods.

I've never understood why a children's menu is for those, say, under 12, the difference between what a 4 year old and a 11 year old will get through is vast!

I don’t have an issue with children not liking certain food or textures. What I secretly judge is

• parents saying their children don’t like water (they would if you hadn’t given them sweet drinks)
• parents saying their children can’t eat at a restaurant because it doesn’t have a kids menu
• parents introducing toddlers to ketchup / junk food etc. A few chocolate squares, why not, a whole adult sized bar, why? A few crisps, ok, but toddler un buggy with their own pack, why give them the habit?
• children or adults claiming they don’t like food groups such as ‘vegetables’. There are so many different tastes and textures within that group, how bizarre that you wouldn’t like any!

This is interesting and it is a cultural thing. British Asian and grew up eating everything parents ate including spicy and flavourful food. They wouldn’t have dreamt of cooking separate meals and we pretty much would eat from the usual menu when we ate out as kids. However, I am guilty of the two meals things on occasion and also order from the kids menu for mine. Not sure of the reasons why this started but feels like then norm now. However, kids in our country of origin eat exactly the same as their parents and there are no
kids menus in the same way as here or chicken nuggets etc. no judgment on either of these realities - it’s just a fact.

Not it’s not ‘bad and bland’. This is just something people like to say on the internet.

We ate separate from the kids as they were in bed by 6.30and hubby didn't get home till later

We couldn't be bothered making separate meals but would take portions out for DC before adding in something they didn't like/additional seasoning and we never forced them to eat something they didn't like. We'd not force each other to eat something we didn't like so why push it on our children?

Like many DC we had a fussy phase which we got through by making sure there was something in every meal that DC would eat.

I find the parents who do multiple different meals, rule out 'vegetables' (which is a huge range of textures and flavours) as a group, are glued to pouches and beige, bland food are probably creating a rod for their own back unless there's medical/Sen needs.

My son is actually the tiny portion of additional needs fussy eaters but when it comes to dinner time, he rarely gets a different meal unless it is something he genuinely won't eat (i.e when we have a roast he wont eat the veggies on the side, yorkshire pud or the meat so he will have the potatoes and sausages) but for anything else, chillis, curries, noodle dishes etc he will actually eat them (plus I can sneak veggies in in creative ways and he has no idea), probably 27 out 30/31 days a month we will all have the same meal because its not feasible to be eating different foods all the time. We've found ways that we can all eat the same meals whilst getting veggies in, but I appreciate that there are some children with additional needs who are much fussier and have higher sensory needs around food. But when friends say to me that their children who don't have sensory needs will only eat bland foods, I think that is mostly down to the child. My parents certainly did not feed me or wean me on bland foods, yet I am one of the fussiest adults I know when it comes to food, so I don't think it's necessarily the parents choice.

Ah, it’s another judgy parenting thread dressed up as faux concern. 🥸

Was she ill at all round that time? I have 4, all good eaters until two of them were ill with bad chest infections between 12 and 18 months, they went off food while they were ill and then just started refusing more and more things. It took years to get them back to where they had been. I found not making a fuss and just waiting until they were ready to try something was the only thing that works. My late MIL would make a big fuss and it would set them back so we got to the point where we said it is sad but if you don't stop you can't see them. She did stop then.

From my experience of some but not all parents, they let their DC get away with being fussy, so e.g. if their DD doesn't like tomatoes (so that means sauces etc) then they just don't try her with them, she's still like this aged almost 12. They just gave up after a few dishes. If you don't try to introduce food into certain meals then of course kids won't eat them. For years my NDN/friend's DS would only eat beige food, put on loads of weight, then he had a lightbulb moment, loves salads, veggies, fruit and more varied food, he's on the autistic spectrum, he lost loads of weight.

My DNephew (and I know his DP's are lucky) eats everything - there's hardly anything he doesn't like, but that's because he's been involved in prep from since about 2 or so because he likes it! His DF is also an adventurous cook/eater. Both his 2 cousins are the same, the DF is same as DNephew's DF re adventurous cook/eater. They're also taken out to eat a lot when funds allow.

Have they tried the lemon and asparagus risotto or the rogan josh? My 2nd daughter was fussy as he'll But she didn't eat the nuggets or fish fingers simply because she didn't know they existed. Had a lot of spaghetti mixed with either tomato sauce or pesto. And cubes of cheeses ( Any type) with anything. Still a cheese addict lol

My son loved most fish but again didn't have fish fingers and nuggets was ignorant as to their existence. Adored salmon and prawns as a toddler.

My own children, now 36 and 38 ate what we were having from the age of about a year. Yes, sometimes mashed or cut-up, and sometimes leaving out hot spices. At my place I do the same for my grandchildren (6,5 years, 4,5 years and 1,5 years). Of course I often prepare their favourite foods but that's still what we'll have that day. At their own home the two youngest often have bland&beige but it's no use for me to offer them such because they much prefer our regular meal 😋

@Jellycatspyjamas I'm not being sniffy about kids menus. If you want to go somewhere where they serve standard kids lunches that's fine, and I totally understand why people pick that. I've no issue with it at all.

Well, DS goes to bed at 7.30 so he has dinner between 5 and 6pm. DH and I work until 5pm.
Some days I work from home, other days DH does, so we can collect DS from school and make him tea when we finish. The other parent won't get home until half 6. Which is too late to be serving dinner for DS so he eats by himself midweek.

But he still eats well. Mainly home cooked meals but sometimes beige food. Depends what he wants! He likes to help cook his tea as well so we try and do things he can participate with.

DH and I tend to eat once DS is in bed so around 8pm-9pm.

At the weekends we all eat together and have rather generic, but home cooked things like lasagna, spag bol, a roast, curry etc

I think when mine were small we all ate a lot of cheap / quick / beige food! I remember a fair amount of breaded fish or chicken with chips and beans, tomato pasta, filled baked potatoes, frozen pizza. I’d also do basic stir fries (meat, veg, packet sauce, and rice or noodles) and mild curries (my korma involved a tin of Campbell’s condensed soup!) They all eat a good and varied amount now as adults.
I do agree about kids menus though.. mine would definitely have preferred a small portion of some of the adults dishes, at least by around 8 years old.

I disagree that children naturally prefer bland foods or very specific foods. I also disagree with the oft heard line "children do not like vegetables".

Most children across the world eat all these things, and it's not because they are lucky.

It's definitely a cultural thing, though many parents do have the same food for all members of the family. I noticed years and years back whenever you head to a restaurant the kids menu is almost always the same old junk: chicken nuggets, fish fingers, chips, beans, rather than a smaller version of an adult meal.

I remember when I first stumbled across MN, the thread that made me laugh so much was a poster who had cooked a green bean and feta casserole for her kid and their friend who was over for a playdate. The uproar was hysterical. People accusing her of child abuse! People utterly aghast at how she could do such a thing. The absolute shock at the idea that a child could be fed such a thing. People acting like a bean and feta casserole was the equivalent to serving up a turd on a plate. Honestly it was just brilliant and it really struck me people's attitudes towards food for children and how warped it can be.

I read fairly recently that until they’re about 15, Italian children basically live on pasta and tomato sauce.
How true it is I don’t know.

"feed them what you eat" would be bad advice for me - I have the blandest diet imaginable and my children eat substantially better.