Why don't parents feed children what they eat?

[Gruffallowhydidntyouknow]

Twice this week I have had conversations with people that make me wonder why in the UK we are obsessed with children's food and feeing children bland foods.

One friend told me that they were furious at their mother in law, as they had been for Sunday lunch at the weekend and had had to go to Tesco to get food in for their children (5,7, 10) because it was ridiculous that they were being offered the roast beef dinner.

Another friend was bemoaning cooking two different meals as she had to cook something the children would eat and something separate for her and her wife. She laughed and said she couldn't wait until they were old enough to eat curry (8 year old twins).

I despair at the sight of pub menus as it's always beige and chips for the children or a token tomato pasta unless you are in a really nice place. Is that really how people feed children?

I have literally never made separate foods with the exception of not giving my children steak pre teeth.

I'm genuinely intrigued what makes people feed their children separately. Is it that people really believe that children won't eat normal foods? Do people think you "shouldn't" give children spicey foods, or Game/ an olive / duck / stir fry?

Is it that they were weaned on plain things and are now fussy?

I'm not talking about the tiny portion of additional needs selective eaters.

Mostly we did eat all the same things when they were younger because it is vastly easier. But they were still learning and trying new things- my own palate at age 5 or 11 was not the same as it was at 21 or even 25 and I eat almost everything. You don't have to like everything at once as soon as you are weaned onto regular food, and even adults have food preferences or allergies.

Sometimes DH and I wanted something with strong or spicy flavours that they were not into (yet) so would have something different.

Even now, people are allowed their own likes and dislikes, and DDs are 18 and 15 now. No-one in the house likes mushrooms except for me. DH and DD1 hate eggs and milk.

Sometimes I do make myself a mushroom omelette instead of what everyone else is having for dinner!

poster who had cooked a green bean and feta casserole for her kid and their friend who was over for a playdate.

A friend accused me of torturing my kids because I fed them okra. I don't feed it to kids over for playdates. Okra is an everyday dish for us. It's not a wanky middle class thing outside the UK.

Some kids are fussy whatever you do. I'm the eldest of 4, three of us weren't fussy as children, the fourth was so fussy they only ate 5 foods. DM was a war baby and hated waste, all the things that she had done to us (none of which would be recommended now!) like make us sit at the table until we'd finished didn't work on my fussy sibling, Mum gave up trying when he made himself vomit so he didn't have to eat a meal. She ended up cooking him separate food from the rest of us and e.g. made her own burgers so she knew they weren't filled with junk. He is NT, and as a adult is a great cook with no food issues.

I have 3DC. I BF, did BLW with all 3, was quite relaxed about volumes of food eaten. My eldest wasn't fussy, my middle child was a bit fussy when younger but gradually added more things and is quite the foody now at 14. My youngest is 11 and is still very fussy. FWIW he'd definitely never eat a chicken nugget. DH was fussy as a child so I'm assuming he'll grow out of it.

Amusingly, I misunderstood the title of the post ("Why don't parents feed children what they eat?") to mean why don't parents feed children food they (the children) like/eat, so the first few posts were hard to understand! In my experience many children grow out of this. DD was most unadventurous as a young child, but now (17 yrs) loves spicy food, sushi, Mexican - all sorts.

We had the same approach! They weren’t aware that a lot of things existed and that they could have had fries instead of a side of
broccoli.
A big classic for picnics was prawns and brussel sprouts (great finger food!)

There is definitely a school of thought that children should have bland stuff because ‘won’t like’ any thing with flavour. Fussy eaters can absolutely be created. And it’s not just British phenomenon.

We are staying with friends in an EU country right now (apparently where the kids are unfussy and eat everything….) and my toddler was presented with plain pasta with a smear of butter and some grated white cheese for dinner last night. No sauce because it was too rich and there was lots of pepper and herbs?

Their kids don’t eat veg and they have been moaning about it.…No bloody wonder because there is no oil and salt or seasoning on it. I wouldn’t eat veg like that, so why on earth would an 8 year old? But the herbs are too ‘spicy’ and salt is bad.

even on this thread- people have been saying they eat separately because their toddler can’t have spice and salt. Salt in cooking is FINE as long as adequate hydration is provided. I wouldn’t give a tot a curry with something like scotch bonnets slice in, but they can absolutely have something like a chicken tikka masala curry, or a tex mex chilli, or a medium spiced daal.

we enjoy some beige matter and chips in this house. But we also eat a variety of seasoned, non processed foods with spice and herbs. Everything in moderation and all that, but life is too short for just bland food.

We broadly eat the same meals but you can't force a child to eat.

At every meal I put a small platter in the middle of the table that has a few different things on that I know DD will have some of e.g. carrot sticks, cashew nuts, a few cheese cubes, sliced up ham, tomatoes and sliced fruit. Thats for everyone to dip into / pick on as they wish. Then the main meal is for example a roast dinner and DD would just eat the meat and potatoes / gravy plus whatever she chose off the platter, whereas we'd have other veg sides and stuffing etc.

In other words, I always give her what we're having but with the option of other additions to her plate that I know she likes. She is more likely to try the main meal if she knows she has well-known liked foods on the table that she can choose from too.

Oh, I think that's fine. I've sometimes said to my kid that if she doesn't want X or Y she can have cereal or peanut butter on toast. Or whatever. I just think "eat this chilli or go hungry" would be extreme.

@HandsomeGreige there's definitely a bit of a myth in the UK that every child in Italy, France, Spain etc eats every single food put in front of them with no consideration given by parents to child-appropriate tastes/textures/portions etc. From what I've seen, this is not the case across the.board, not by a long shot! I remember an 18-mth old toddler I nannied for in France years ago being fed literally nothing but pureed veg soup three times a day, it was very odd. Actually that's not true - she was occasionally given a tiny bit of steak haché (burger) or takeaway pizza (which the family served with nothing but mash 😱).

Having said all that, I think primary school meals in France are generally more interesting and vegetable-heavy than those in British primary schools. To my mind that's more important than worrying about what individual families are doing - if we served more fresh veg and interesting flavours and textures in schools, that'd be a step in the right direction.

I am amazed ta the Sunday dinner anecdote. If dinner is served up family style then there are things there nearly all children would eat.
Lots of parents seem to give desserts if children reject meals. And yoghurt is a dessert. No wonder children prefer it.

For us it's mostly a timing issue - the children (3 and 1) are starving when they come home from nursery at 5:30, whereas we would prefer to eat at 7ish after they're in bed.
About 1/2 - 2/3 of the time they still eat the same food as us, as DH mostly batch cooks it, so it'll be meatballs, bolognaise, curry, soups, pasta, fish etc... The rest of the time it's something easy like eggy bread, fishcakes, sausages, and occasionally freezer meals like fish fingers or frozen pizza.
Fish fingers etc is generally once a week ish.

I also wouldn't offer an alternate meal if they didn't like what was on offer, but would make sure there was a part they liked. Eg my daughter loves rice but sometimes isn't sure about curry, so sometimes she's had a meal of "curry" which actually means she ate loads of rice, a bit of veg, and licked the curry then left it.

tbh I totally get bland unchallenging food on a pub kids menu - people are out for a nice time and part of that involves putting food in front of the kids that they'll definitely eat. There were exactly the same kids menus in pubs when I was a child in the 90s. Not much has changed really. If the child likes the food on the main menu they can order that instead. It's what I used to do.

We do a mix, just like many of the replies. My four-year-old is far from being alone in being much pickier now than she was at 1. When she was a toddler she ate pretty much anything we had, as long as not spicy or salty, and ate everything, 80% of it with enthusiasm. Her nursery also had a great menu with all kinds of interesting recipes and ingredients. She has been exposed to a huge range of foods, she's just more conservative now than she was when she was younger and I assume it's a pretty normal phase.

On a school night I do like to feed her an early dinner of simple dead certs because she's hungry and tired and the most important thing is to get food into her rather than have her wait to eat a late grown-up dinner with us. When we eat as a family she has the same as us and can eat what she wants off her plate. I don't offer alternatives but I do make sure there's some kind of food on the table that she definitely likes. I think you're overreacting tbh.

I weaned both DC on adult food and kept that up for a good couple of years . DS2 though is that child that barely eats anything and will wait till the next meal rather than eat something he doesn’t like . I take the view that fed is best . I often make 3 variations of a meal to accommodate DS2 and the vegetarian and meat eaters in the house too . My freezer is always full of batch cooked protein sources !

We were the only brits in an Italian hotel last year full of Italian families. The Italian kids ate pasta pomodoro and Milanese chicken and chips most nights 🤷🏿‍♂️

I will not make 2 meals. But I also do not think it is a big deal if a child misses a meal or eats very little at a meal. I am like that sometimes as well. We all have less hungry times.

My parents have 21 Grandchildren, not one is a fussy eater. Of the 30+ Great Grandchildren not one is fussy, of the 10+ Great great Grandchildren all but 3 are very fussy eaters.

I find it so fascinating why people have different food tastes... I wonder how it has evolved and what shapes your preference. DB and me had the same food growing up... But I adored vegetables,, he loved sugar. He ate meat and potatoes and veg grudgingly but never wanted more, whereas I ate all my veggies first. Even really stupid animals have taste preferences. My lovely bunnies ate different things... One adored fruit, one preferred veg.

I suppose in our case it helped that there wasn't a bastard nugget to be found in our house. I have no idea how Mrs. Mother pulled it off but we didn't know that nuggets and burgers and stuff could be a "home food" IYSWIM when we were little.

This 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

I agree that different people have different food tastes. But since you mentioned pets - my bunnies when I got them had been fed a junk food nugget mix. I transitioned them to a healthy one. They preferred the junk food one, but after a few weeks ate up all the healthy one. Similarly an elderly relative swore her dog would not eat dog food without fresh chicken being placed on top. My dog never knew that was an option.

I think even if you try to feed children all your grown up meals, there’s such a lot of poking and sniffing and complaining it’s a bit depressing after all that effort.
And sometimes you ask kids what they want to eat and it’s beans on toast, or tomato pasta, or burgers and chips and people can just want everybody to be happy sometimes.
I made my kids a bowl of Heinz spaghetti hoops when they were really little and I was on the verge of losing my mind, they ate them all up in perfect silence and then both said thank you mummy that was the best. I thought eff making casserole ever again, it’s not worth it.
its highly unlikely they leave home at 18 only eating tomato pasta, they’ll be embarrassed in front of their friends!

my bunnies when I got them had been fed a junk food nugget mix. I transitioned them to a healthy one. They preferred the junk food one, but after a few weeks ate up all the healthy one

Bunnies are junk food addicts just like people 😁
When I used to bring them strawberries, he ate the leaves and she ate the berries. I miss them!

@HangingOver they are lovely animals. I swear they sulked at first when I transitioned them off a junk food mix. They loved that mix.

Every parent has different reasons for cooking different food for their kids,
my 12 year old will sometimes eat what I do but she has emetephobia and severe anxiety, and sometimes I fancy something I know she won’t eat (she’d rather starve) so I’ll make her something different.
what I don’t get it why it offends others so much considering it doesn’t affect your life in any way shape or form what other parents do for their kids??

You should see the tantrum my cat throws when he is fed (fancy) cat food and not a diet consisting of only chocolate cake, custard, mint cornettos and kirspycreme.