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Original poster

My boyfriend doesn't like I have a male friend

89 replies

Laurens96 · 27/02/2024 08:47

Hi just looking for others opinions.
I'm 28 and my friend (29) is male and my boyfriend has a problem with this. We've been friends since we were in school from around the age of 13/14. There's never been anything there other then friendship.
I got with my boyfriend nearly 7 years ago now. He knew about my friend as he's my closest friend and we did do a lot together. He always had a bit of a problem with him but never kicked up too much of a fuss really as I pointed out I'd been friends with him to long to cut him off for a relationship I'd only been in a couple of weeks.
My partner and I have had a lot of trouble in the past with him cheating (apparently its not cheating tho as its just messages and all talk. He's never actually met anyone to sleep with that hrs admitted to). The last time my partner was caught doing this stuff was last Summer. Now all of a sudden he's paranoid I'm the one that's cheating and reckons I'm messaging my friend sexual stuff (he can check if he really wanted to. He knows my phone password and we only talk on text and WhatsApp). He also reckons I'm sleeping with him every chance I get even tho I don't go out much. I barely even see him unless he comes to the cinema with me and my other best friend cuz my partners banned him from the house.
My partner wants me to cut all ties with my friend and never see or talk to him again. I told him no and he's being ridiculous since I've never done anything with my friend. I also pointed our I've never even come remotely close to cheating on him and he's spent most of out relationship messages other women sexual stuff exchanging pictures and arranging to meet them and been on dating sites too.
My partner thinks I'm being unreasonable and that I'm picking my friend over him as I won't give up the friendship.
It's only been the last few months he's gone really paranoid about my friend and has accused me of sleeping with him and he's causing a lot of arguments over it. He's accused me of sleeping with other people too not just my friend.
I just can't help but feel He may be deflecting and all this is because he's up to stuff again.
But am I unreasonable for refusing to cut ties with my friend of around 14 years when I've done absolutely nothing at all with him ever.

OP posts:
BustyMcgoober · 27/02/2024 08:49

Surely you mean ex partner?

Come on love. Chuck this one back.

He is 100% actively cheating on you, you know this.

SlumberDearMaid · 27/02/2024 08:49

FGS, ditch the cheating partner and keep the friend.

You don’t really need advice on this, do you?

Shoxfordian · 27/02/2024 08:49

Why have you still got this partner in your life when he's been continually messaging other women and cheating on you? He has some nerve to accuse you of cheating when that's exactly what he's done throughout your relationship

Get some self respect, dump the partner not the friend

JC89 · 27/02/2024 08:50

Why exactly are you still with this guy?

SameSameButDeliverance · 27/02/2024 08:51

I spent 10 years with a someone who was just like yours. All the accusations, blame, sulking and cheating. Then the physical violence started.

Leave him, it will only get worse. Don't be me.

BeakyBlinders · 27/02/2024 08:52

Can't even read posts like this, do women really set the bar this low?

WimpoleHat · 27/02/2024 08:52

Keep the friend, ditch the partner!

StrictlyAFemaleFemale · 27/02/2024 08:53

He is cheating on you. It's projection.

Original poster
Laurens96 · 27/02/2024 08:55

We had 3 kids together and things have been gradually going downhill and getting even worse since I had my youngest worse nearly 2.
He's had a problem with the fact one of my best friends is male since the beginning of the relationship. But he's never caused much of a problem about it until now. I don't even see him as much as I used to as I don't really go out as much as I used to as I always have the kids with me.

OP posts:
Buffypaws · 27/02/2024 09:01

Jesus woman.

please dump him while you’re young.

fruitbrewhaha · 27/02/2024 09:03

He cheats on you and treats you badly. LTB

iwiporangi · 27/02/2024 09:12

Ladies, wtf do you get yourselves into such situations?
The fact that he's never liked you having a male friend yet has cheated on you numerous times...
And you had 3 kids with him...
Sometimes I think the 21st century hasn't actually happened in terms of women and the shit they put up with from men

anyolddinosaur · 27/02/2024 09:12

Often projection when they are cheating on you, sometimes low self esteem and jealousy. Cheating sounds most likely with this one.

Start finding all the financial information you'll need when you separate - and dont have any more children with him.

Original poster
Laurens96 · 27/02/2024 09:27

Well my partner reckons he's not cheated as he hasn't physically slept with anyone that he's admitted too. Although he did kiss and arrange to meet a now ex friend of mine just after I had my twins 3 and a half years ago.
It's just gone a bit of a whinge about one of my best friends being male to I'm sleeping with him and need to cut all contact all of a sudden out of no where.
Financially the only ties I have to the house we live I'm is council tax. Tgats the only bill with my name on the account. My name was never added to the rent book so if I decided I'd had enough I didn't get the house as its in his name only.

OP posts:
Kelly51 · 27/02/2024 09:31

Jesus wept, please stop having babies with him and sex with him full stop.
Why are you even posting all this about your friend when he is a lying cheat??
I'm mystified why women tolerate this crap and continue to bring kids into it.

iwiporangi · 27/02/2024 09:32

Please leave
Don't be that woman

ErrolTheDragon · 27/02/2024 09:34

Appalling double standards and controlling behaviour...he's not a 'partner', he doesn't treat you as an equal person.
You need to work out how to get free of him, he's likely to get worse not better.

Keep the friend. I think my one real regret in life is not maintaining old friendships.

Timetogohome2 · 27/02/2024 09:35

Yet another thread where we get a “I am staying for the kids” answer, where showing your kids you don’t stand for disrespect is being a much better parent than staying with someone who cheats on you (maybe not in his eyes but he did)

Stick with the person who has been there for you since you were a teen and not someone who thinks it’s ok to message another woman while in a relationship

lifeisfunandflowersbloomintherain · 27/02/2024 09:36

Cheating partner and awkward friend yes maybe it's time to ditch the relationship and find someone that's more in your level , it's an awful situation for that good friend that stayed 14 years .

try and bang their heads together and make sure they find common ground, at least in the short team and if they annoy each other maybe find another thing like video games or practical things that they can talk about calmly face to face.

They must have a hobby they both enjoy doing in the summer and at least he gets to the cinema so maybe get him to do a boys night out maybe he needs that .

NoCloudsAllowed · 27/02/2024 09:37

Hmn, who is a better man:

  1. loyal schoolfriend who has been there for you for decades
  2. cheating husband who is controlling and accuses you of stuff he did himself

Don't let your kids see you accept this kind of treatment, it's worse for them than having to cope with being in dodgy accommodation etc for a while

Michellebops · 27/02/2024 09:42

In my experience a guy accuses you of cheating because he is cheating and trying to deflect the attention away from him.

If you're able to, get rid of him.
With 3 kids this might be difficult but honestly they deserve better than a toxic home

Original poster
Laurens96 · 27/02/2024 09:47

I wouldn't have anywhere to go other then my friends parents house as no one else has enough room for me and the kids. They've offered before if I needed somewhere to go after seeing my partner start an argument with me while we we're at a party.
My friend never actually had a problem with my partner until I stopped going out as much and he realised its because I couldn't (don't go out with female best friebd much either she comes to my house). My friend tried asking him what games he played as they both have an xbox and could play together and my partner has just never been interested.

OP posts:
Queenconsult · 27/02/2024 10:10

Jesus wept

your poor children

SallyWD · 27/02/2024 10:13

It's his guilty conscience. He can't be mates with a woman without wanting to shag her so he thinks you're the same. He sounds awful. I don't usually say "leave the bastard" but honestly I'd rather be single than share my life with someone like him.

AllProperTeaIsTheft · 27/02/2024 10:15

he's spent most of out relationship messages other women sexual stuff exchanging pictures and arranging to meet them and been on dating sites too.

Wtf? What on earth are you still doing with this man? I get that leaving him will be hard with 3 kids, but the only alternative is to spend the rest of your life with a controlling, hypocritical cheat. That sounds harder. As they say in the dieting industry 'Choose your hard'.