My boyfriend doesn't like I have a male friend

[Laurens96]

Hi just looking for others opinions.
I'm 28 and my friend (29) is male and my boyfriend has a problem with this. We've been friends since we were in school from around the age of 13/14. There's never been anything there other then friendship.
I got with my boyfriend nearly 7 years ago now. He knew about my friend as he's my closest friend and we did do a lot together. He always had a bit of a problem with him but never kicked up too much of a fuss really as I pointed out I'd been friends with him to long to cut him off for a relationship I'd only been in a couple of weeks.
My partner and I have had a lot of trouble in the past with him cheating (apparently its not cheating tho as its just messages and all talk. He's never actually met anyone to sleep with that hrs admitted to). The last time my partner was caught doing this stuff was last Summer. Now all of a sudden he's paranoid I'm the one that's cheating and reckons I'm messaging my friend sexual stuff (he can check if he really wanted to. He knows my phone password and we only talk on text and WhatsApp). He also reckons I'm sleeping with him every chance I get even tho I don't go out much. I barely even see him unless he comes to the cinema with me and my other best friend cuz my partners banned him from the house.
My partner wants me to cut all ties with my friend and never see or talk to him again. I told him no and he's being ridiculous since I've never done anything with my friend. I also pointed our I've never even come remotely close to cheating on him and he's spent most of out relationship messages other women sexual stuff exchanging pictures and arranging to meet them and been on dating sites too.
My partner thinks I'm being unreasonable and that I'm picking my friend over him as I won't give up the friendship.
It's only been the last few months he's gone really paranoid about my friend and has accused me of sleeping with him and he's causing a lot of arguments over it. He's accused me of sleeping with other people too not just my friend.
I just can't help but feel He may be deflecting and all this is because he's up to stuff again.
But am I unreasonable for refusing to cut ties with my friend of around 14 years when I've done absolutely nothing at all with him ever.

@ConflictedCheetah goodness, I hadn't even noticed that it was a friend's parents: that's even worse.

Also, OP, the threat of suicide is bullshit - weapon number one in the abuser's toolkit and just another way to control and manipulate you.

Beautiful first answer!!

Another vote for making the partner an ex. He is quite clearly a cheat and a controlling cheat at that. Sending sexually suggestive texts to other women is cheating, he doesn't have to get his dick wet for it to count!

He's a controlling ar$e

Jesus Christ get some self respect and ditch the loser!

He's abusive, controlling, a cheater... any one of these would have me out the door. You need to prioritise your kids, do you want your children growing up thinking this shit is normal and what they can expect from a relationship? You are failing them by staying with this man. Have some respect for yourself because he has none for you.

Twist and blame.

It is a thing. 'I'm doing it, but I twist it round on you.'

You read it here first. To me, he is cheating on you yet making out you're wrong.

Never stay with someone who doesn't love you and doesn't have integrity. I'd end this and start again.

Plus if I went to my friends my partner would just think he's right and there's something going on and that's why I went there.

So?

Get yourself out. Get on the council list. Get a job. Sort benefits. Get him gone.

YABU for staying with this partner, he cheats but doesn’t think what he’s doing is cheating so that means he will probably do this to you forever! Why would you put up with that?
YANBU for having a male friend

He said he'd kill himself after I came downstairs with a packed bag. Then he cried and grabbed me saying he needed me and he'd kill himself if me and the kids left.
My friend told me it was more then likely just a guilt tactic to try and make me feel guilty for finding out what he'd been up to again. That was wheh he offered to pick me and the kids up and stay at his till I'm sorted.
I don't work at the minute I left when I had my youngest. I've been looking for weekend work but haven't found anything yet.

He said he'd kill himself after I came downstairs with a packed bag. Then he cried and grabbed me saying he needed me and he'd kill himself if me and the kids left.

In that case best call the police telling them he is talking about self harming. Don't let the threats change your intended action. Quite the opposite - you need to get you and the children out of that environment and quickly.

Grabbing you is assault btw...

Is this a joke post? 😂

Leave the bastard. The boyfriend I mean, that’s the relationship you need to ditch, and stick with your long term pal.

Sorry OP…I read your post wrong. Regardless, he’s controlling and abusive (the suicide threats are part of the playbook). You are not responsible for his emotional well being. There are plenty of places he can get help if he’s genuinely suicidal. He’s using it as a way to control you and get you back in line. If you start to pull away he’ll just escalate more. When did he start saying he’d kill himself if you left? If he sees you’re still contemplating leaving he may well start to get angry/violent to keep you in line.

Please look after yourself and please leave.

Loyal school friend , cheating boyfriend should relax and get some time to figure out what’s going on and learn from the mistakes.

He started saying he'd kill himself during the summer after I'd packed and bag to leave and he grabbed me crying. Said he needed me and the kids and he'd kill himself if we left.
Things have been rocky again the past few weeks and that's when he started accusing me of cheating with my best friend.

He's abusive, manipulative and controlling. Please get your children away from him. They deserve better, even if you, for some reason, think you don't. Get away and get therapy to understand why you've accepted this.

Your boyfriend is ABUSIVE.

threats to kill himself and banning your friend from the house are the thicker end of the wedge. It's called coercive control.

He's made it so you don't feel able to go out, he thinks you're trapped so he can escalate to arguing in front of your friends, banning them from the house and controlling you because he knows you are going nowhere.

tell your friends and family you want to leave. Let them help you. They will want you away from this arsehole.

I'm sorry you've wasted 7 years of your life on this wanker but don't waste another 7 minutes

Please leave.
You deserve so much better than this and so do the children.
If he says he's going to kill himself ring the emergency services and tell them. Let them deal with him. He's just manipulating you.

Get yourself a job and leave this loser. You’re another lady of many on here who are in vulnerable positions relying on men who cheat on them and don’t work so have literally no pension, no share of housing etc. All for some idiot who is cheating on you anyway. Wake up and get yourself away from him, it’s the oldest trick in the book threatening to himself. If he does call the police and have them pay him a visit, it’s not on you.

After another post on here today - please tell us that at least the child benefit is in your name and you have therefore been getting pension credits while looking after his children.

Oh it's the oldest trick in the book. My ex has been on borrowed time since 2017 if you believe every time he said he'd kill himself.

He’s trying to control you into staying and trying to remove your support network like your male friend.

Come on, you can see through all this.

I've been looking for weekend work so he can have the kids as he's not at work himself then but had no look. I could only work certain days/hours in the week when my friends not at work as he said he wouldn't mind helping with looking after the kids for me.
I claim the universal credit but not the child tax. My partners son was living with him at the time we had our twins and he just added to them to his existing claim.

Yep