My boyfriend doesn't like I have a male friend

[Laurens96]

Hi just looking for others opinions.
I'm 28 and my friend (29) is male and my boyfriend has a problem with this. We've been friends since we were in school from around the age of 13/14. There's never been anything there other then friendship.
I got with my boyfriend nearly 7 years ago now. He knew about my friend as he's my closest friend and we did do a lot together. He always had a bit of a problem with him but never kicked up too much of a fuss really as I pointed out I'd been friends with him to long to cut him off for a relationship I'd only been in a couple of weeks.
My partner and I have had a lot of trouble in the past with him cheating (apparently its not cheating tho as its just messages and all talk. He's never actually met anyone to sleep with that hrs admitted to). The last time my partner was caught doing this stuff was last Summer. Now all of a sudden he's paranoid I'm the one that's cheating and reckons I'm messaging my friend sexual stuff (he can check if he really wanted to. He knows my phone password and we only talk on text and WhatsApp). He also reckons I'm sleeping with him every chance I get even tho I don't go out much. I barely even see him unless he comes to the cinema with me and my other best friend cuz my partners banned him from the house.
My partner wants me to cut all ties with my friend and never see or talk to him again. I told him no and he's being ridiculous since I've never done anything with my friend. I also pointed our I've never even come remotely close to cheating on him and he's spent most of out relationship messages other women sexual stuff exchanging pictures and arranging to meet them and been on dating sites too.
My partner thinks I'm being unreasonable and that I'm picking my friend over him as I won't give up the friendship.
It's only been the last few months he's gone really paranoid about my friend and has accused me of sleeping with him and he's causing a lot of arguments over it. He's accused me of sleeping with other people too not just my friend.
I just can't help but feel He may be deflecting and all this is because he's up to stuff again.
But am I unreasonable for refusing to cut ties with my friend of around 14 years when I've done absolutely nothing at all with him ever.

Your poor children.

Why do you keep repeating the same info? Not the bit where you corrected pp about whose parents offered you refuge, but the suicide threats etc.

I think what we all want to hear is that you understand you're with a toxic, coercive-controlling man who will never change, and that you should get yourself and your children out asap.

Have a Google of "jealous man found guilty of murdering partner/wife" and you'll find plenty of examples of this kind of behaviour ending in tragedy.

Please say you understand this.

He’s judging you by his own standards. Things won’t get any better, if he’s messaging other woman he’s probably sleeping with them too, or at least trying too, then turning it around on you.

one of me ex’s did this and when I found out he had been cheating he tried to make out he did it because I was cheating on him (I wasn’t, I just have a couple close friends who happen to be male).

Dump your bf.

If it helps, my DW had a very close male friend when we met and it's never been an issue. Your partner should support your friendships and encourage you to keep and strengthen them. I'm sorry to say it, but DW ex made very similar accusations and he turned out to be cheating. From an outside perspective, it sounds like he's projecting.

LTB

We're so sorry to hear you're going through this, OP.

We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged to us we like to link to our web-guides, which we hope may be helpful. If you'd like to, please do feel free to take a look at our Domestic Violence page.

Very best wishes from all at MNHQ.

When you say "child tax" - you need to have child benefit paid to you https://www.gov.uk/government/publications/national-insurance-credits-for-parents-and-carers-cf411a

If that's the one that's paid weekly my partner gets that as he just added our kids to his existing claim for his son at the time.
He said he needs it to put towards the bills which is why he carried on claiming it in his name to his bank after he son went to live with his mom.

OP, what advice would you give to a friend?
Surely you can see how badly he's treating you. Are you prepared to have this for the rest of your life? Being cheated on, then accused? Threats of suicide if things don't go his way?

You've got somewhere to go. You've got a good support circle. You've got three children to think about. If he makes threats, you speak to the police.

I know, how many more of these posts will it take? Posters must know what we will all say - LTB!
Not one living soul will think he’s a catch ffs.

This was him having a tantrum as he was watching his domestic appliance walk out of the door. You are only there because you're being blackmailed by his suicide threats.

You are worth so much more than this.

They've offered before if I needed somewhere to go after seeing my partner start an argument with me while we we're at a party.

Nobody will be suprised if you leave him, they will be delighted. Take them up on the offer and get out of there and start again, honestly, he's vile and he's hoovering up your years and twisting your children's reality.

It's time to cut ties with your boyfriend Op.

Another saying ditch the boyfriend here. No good will come of this and you will wonder where a good portion of your life went.