Child free event - assume or specify?

[PickledWotsit]

If you were throwing a daytime party (birthday, baby shower, bbq on a summers day or whatever - that sort of thing) do you think you need to explicitly say that it's child free or should people assume it is unless they have received an explicit invitation for their children?

Random vote:

YABU - it's up to the party planner to specify its child free otherwise you should expect children to come with parents

YANBU - Guests should assume child free unless they are told otherwise.

I think the fact that the friend has children is key here. Friends without children I would never assume my children were invited even if it was a day time non drinking event.
Friends with kids who invite to a day time non drinking event I would usually assume is children invited

You should specify then I probably wouldn't come.

There's a thread on here at the moment asking what triggers our MN rage. This current thread is a classic example. So many people have picked holes in OPs posts about totally irrelevant things...it's so tedious!

Back to you OP. Given everything you've said, she was very unwelcoming and I understand why you didn't just leave, but I certainly hope you do next time!

That’s a bit rubbish tbh, on your friends part. I was a lone parent so any invite I ever got to anything ever meant my child would go with me. I’d only take him to things appropriate obviously like a late afternoon BBQ or a tea and cake sort of thing. I had my son as a teen and none of my friends had children until a lot later on so I’d get all these unpleasant remarks etc from friends of friends at the events all the time. I used to think to myself it’s OK as the host invited both of us plus one day those other people may have kids of their own and then they will realise.

Exactly this. Unless it says the kids names or 'and family' or is just addressed to 'the smuths' then I'd assume kids weren't invited.

Prepare for people to ask though.

When it's a casual text inviting you to a daytime birthday party in a house with primary aged DC?

For a garden party, BBQ or similar I would definitely think children were also welcome unless definitely told they weren't. If it was a baby shower for the mother to be abs and her friends I wouldn't expect children to be invited but it all depends on the type of event.

Then I would definitely expect children to be included.

i’d still go back and say

“sounds lovely, count me in. Thanks ps kids too? or just the pleasure of my company y?! x”

I honestly don't think I would for a casual daytime thing with good friends or family. Not in a house with DC.

I'm with you @Nofilteritwonthelp
It sort of implies a 'looking forward the the safe arrival of a baby' would include other 'safely arrived babies' (and those that have grown into toddlers and children, doesn't it ?
Weird that everyone is saying obviously not a baby shower.

If there are names on the invitation, then just the named people.

If there aren’t it depends on the event.

A BBQ I’d assume included all the family.

A baby shower would definitely be assumed child free.

Why are baby showers child free? That’s the tradition.

Also it’s usually women only, not spouses or partners of those women. So they would be looking after any kids.

It sometimes involves games that aren’t for kids.

It’s seen as a peaceful event generally - something calm for the Mum to be, and often a chance for all concerned to have peace from any existing children.

Why do you keep hammering questions at OP like you’re interrogating her?

Especially as you can’t even be bothered to read OP’s posts properly.

Agreed

I think really she should have specified, but at the same time you should have checked.

it may have slipped her mind that your dh works at the weekend.

Given all the info, if it didn’t say “Op, DH and child” (names) i think I’d assume it was just for you.- or “DH’s and DC welcome”, I would either have assuming invitees only (so no kids) or at least checked.

But it’s a bit of an “everyone is responsible for the misunderstanding”. I don’t think they should have made you feel shit though. Misunderstandings happen!

Day drinking in the city- I'd assume no kids!
Afternoon bbq at my mates- I'd assume kids and tbh not go if they weren't invited. Working long hours all week, I wouldn't have wanted to not be with them at the weekend.