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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To want to read about nice, kind, thoughtful DPs now?

145 replies

notwavingbutdrowning1 · 25/02/2024 19:48

I have just read the 'glass by the dishwasher' thread and am shocked and horrified by the lazy, rude abusive bastards out there. My heart goes out to every woman who has been a victim of one (as indeed I was in my previous relationship). It has made me feel quite down and I thought we needed an antidote - so what has your DP done for you that has made you feel loved and cherished? I'll start: when I came home from hospital after an operation my DP (not the fuckwitted previous one, my lovely current one) brought me my meals in bed. On the first day I wanted just bread, ham and tomato - I was very specific that I didn't want it as a sandwich (operations do weird things to your brain). He brought up a beautifully laid out tray and on the plate was buttered bread covered with ham, all cut out in the shape of a reindeer with a cookie cutter. He had used a cherry tomato as the reindeer nose. It was adorable. He's a keeper.

OP posts:
Moonside · 25/02/2024 22:28

My DH is wonderful. We've moved house recently and it's entailed lots of work at the new house to get it habitable, and now we're in there, lots of work at our previous (rented) house to get it returned to landlord, who is a friend and took no deposit therefore we are repainting etc as it's due to his willingness to rent to us cheaply that we have been able to buy.

ANYWAY for over a month DH has worked his physical manual job everyday then gone and worked on either the new house or old one every evening until late. He's working so hard to make things nice for us. His only complaint? He feels like he hasn't seen the kids and is therefore finding whatever time he can to be with them and planning things for when the current workload reduces. Today me and DCs went to see him to pick up some bits from the old house and I saw him through the window gazing at them approaching with so much love and joy in his eyes that it made my heart sing. Neither my biological or adopted father stuck around for me so I can't explain what it means to know that my kids won't experience that abandonment and in fact has a father who longs to be with them as much as possible.

There's so many other things I could list about him but this is front of my mind tonight.

SquashPenguin · 25/02/2024 22:29

Today mine did the big shop and got me lots of treats, he cleaned the house, did the ironing and finished painting the skirting boards. He took the dog out and then gave my poor swollen feet a rub and cut my toenails because my bump is in the way and I can’t reach anymore 😆

Tisfortired · 25/02/2024 22:32

Yesterday I went to a nearby town (hour on the train) with my mum to try on wedding dresses. He gave me his bank card and said ‘treat your mum to some lunch.’

When I got home kids were fast asleep in bed and everyone fed and watered. He’d tidied up and cleaned the kitchen. I know he is also the parent but to know he is my constant support is so wonderful.

This morning he announced we needed a new microwave. He ordered it, picked it up, plugged it all in then decided all other appliances needed a clean up to match the new microwave, so now I have shining microwave, toaster and kettle 😂 he also scrubbed the kitchen floors (hand and knees with a brush job thanks to the dog!) then played football with DS1 in the garden.

When my mat leave came to an end in November last year and I was dreading going back to my awful job he told me to quit if I wanted and even if it’s tricky financially well make it work for me to spend some time at home with the kids. He looks after us all consistently and I am just so grateful for him.

JennyfromtheBlok · 25/02/2024 22:33

He does lots of little things often when I think about it.

But I am currently planning a 9 day hike (obviously I won’t be at home for this!) and he’s sorted out the 3yr old /nursery/work and is liaising with my exH about my 2 older girls and who will take them to clubs and which house they’ll be at etc..

So I guess I have a decent ExH too. Very lucky.

Icanflyhigh · 25/02/2024 22:35

DH has done ALL the washing this week and line dried as much as he could so it's lovely and fresh - he's still convinced there are extra people living here judging by the amount of washing,but for the first time in forever I have seen the bottom of the wash basket.
He's also dried, folded AND put away the majority, for which I am so grateful and happy!

Username620 · 25/02/2024 22:35

When my DP and I got back to my house last night, I emptied the dishwasher. Things were still a bit wet so he had a poke around the filter and explained to me how it worked with the pump.
He then put 80% vinegar in the dishwasher and ran it overnight. He was rather proud of how shiny it was this morning.
My previous partner never let me touch anything in the house so many appliances got ruined by limescale so it’s nice to learn things now that I live alone.
i would just stick a dishwasher cleaner through every so often and sometimes give the filter a half hearted rinse.
Another time I had a really shitty day at work and I got to his place and he said „I’ve run a bath, here‘s a beer, go and have a soak while I cook dinner“. That was exceptionally appreciated as I don’t have a bath in my house.

JudgeJ · 25/02/2024 22:37

LoobyDop · 25/02/2024 20:17

Mine spent the weekend building a little ladder so the cat can get down from the top of the shed.

How tall's your shed that the cat can't jump down?? I still go cold remembering sitting in the garden I looked up and saw our very young kitten leap out of the bathroom window! He shook himself and ran off, he was fine. Still a lovely thing to do though for your cat.

WildBear · 25/02/2024 22:38

Always puts the children and me first.

Does all the food shopping and cooking as I can't stand cooking.

Does the lions share of housework and laundry unprompted.

Is very thoughtful and does things for me/gets me things he thinks I'd like/find useful.

I know he's always got my back and would go to the ends of the earth for me.

When we do get small amounts of time together without the children, it's like we are back to when we just started dating, the laughing, the butterflies, we fancy the pants off each other. We are both very lucky to have each other.

RhubarbGinForTheWin · 25/02/2024 22:40

He's always put me and the kids before himself, nothing is too good for us in his eyes.
He does more than his fair share of housework and cooking.
He makes sure I get enough rest and sleep and makes sure I eat properly.
I have lipodema, so he took lessons in how to massage my legs and feet properly, so he massages them daily to help with the swelling.
He always has a coffee ready for me when I get home from work ( he gets home around 30 mins before me )
He's put up with me for nearly forty years, I wish I could have another forty with him.

olderbutwiser · 25/02/2024 22:42

I’ve been working long days all weekend and have arrived home knackered and hungry both days. He has made me tea, left me to de stress, sorted supper and cleared up, shown interest in both my days at work, done the ironing, cleared the bathrooms as the plumber is coming to rip out both of them tomorrow. There are some lovely men out there and I am very grateful to have found one of them.

GrumpyMiddleAgedCow · 25/02/2024 22:47

Both DP and I are far from perfect and he absolutely does not pull him weight housework wise but when push comes to shove I’ve previously been seriously ill and he will literally carry me to the toilet, clean up any mess bath me, dress me without so much as a grumble at 2am 4 am or 6am for as long as it took and would do it all again tomorrow (and has never mentioned doing it for me) that’s how I know he loves me regardless

thomasinacat · 25/02/2024 22:56

Wisterical · 25/02/2024 20:11

I am happily single so can't contribute except to say I hope all the women on mumsnet who are in crap relationships read this thread and realise that posters are describing how a relationship should be and raise their standards.

Absolutely, and far better to be single and happy, than with the crap ones who make your life a misery.

My DH is a wonderful man, great father, great partner, always there for us. He does all the cooking and much more because I have ME, made us a beautiful roast dinner today. He makes me think of the Salt and Peppa song.

My ex, well... for example, when I had a flu-like illness, I was really unwell for quite a while, and food ran low in the house. He deliberately worked late several nights in a row as he couldn't be arsed to go grocery shopping, so finally I had to drag myself out to the village shop as there was nothing for me to eat (this was years ago, before online orders).
Drop those losers like hot potatoes ladies, as you can see on here there are plenty of decent, kind men.

Topofthemountain · 25/02/2024 23:03

My dh does my head in at times, I probably do his head in too, but we rub along together nicely and I wouldn't want to be without him.

He cleans my car (well to be fair I drive his car) even though he knows that it will be filthy again by the next day. (Just because of the route I have to take to work)

PandaG · 25/02/2024 23:09

Works ft, I work very pt - my mental health is such that ft work is not really possible.... Yet he does all the laundry, all the dishwashing, some of the cooking - all of it when I am not so well, brings me tea in bed 5 mornings a week, compliments me and still finds me attractive and desirable even though I'm very overweight, but never ever puts any expectationson me but is content to wait for months until I am able to initiate intimacy. Knows what I like - for example when a clothes brand I like goes on sale he will filter the sale items by size and colour, save all the items he knows are my style or colour, then shows them to me and asks me if I'd like any of them. He earns the vast majority of our household income, yet our money is shared and though we confer with each other regarding spending and budgetting I have complete freedom to treat myself (or him or dc) He's sometimes a bit grumpy especially when exhausted, but honestly far less grumpy than I am. He appreciates the housework I do when I am able, and never complains when I've worn myself out in my obligations to work or volunteering, and he gets the worst of me, as I'm too knackered to cook dinner or tidy up my mess. He makes me laugh until I cry.

lorn195 · 25/02/2024 23:10

MotherofPearl · 25/02/2024 20:56

He brings me a cup of coffee in bed every morning.

My DH does this too. I love him to bits.
He's great at doing things around the house, like decorating and painting and can turn his hand to anything.
He's an amazing at making meat and potato pies and his Cornish pasties are amazing 🥰.
Nearly 30 years together and wouldn't change anything about him.

DaisyCat33 · 25/02/2024 23:21

I've been ill for the past 6 months, basically bed bound for a lot of it. My DP has picked up the entire slack without being asked. He does all the cooking, shopping, washing, changing beds, hoovering, sorting out the cats litter trays... Just does it. Ontop of working full time.

He's also very emotionally there for me. We never argue. I struggle with my mental health and he tries his very best to understand and be supportive.

He's wonderful. We're getting married in August.

Onceuponaheartache · 25/02/2024 23:32

My dp does all the ironing which is what I tell everyone eisnthebreason I am marrying him.

However, when I trapped a nerve in my back last year je literally waited on me hand and foot. He dealt with dd (not his) and sorted her meals, washing, activities etc.

I suffer severe neuralgia due to cold so he refuses to allow me to walk the dog at night in winter.

He makes me breakfast in bed every weekend

I almost never drink, but every so often I fancy a few cocktails (like once a year) but he drive me into a city je had never been to before and drove again to pick me up so I could go out and have a drink. The cocktails were crap but he was amazing!

He has his moments of twatery just as I do. But after a series of utter wombles I am keeping this one!!

CumbersomeRobes · 25/02/2024 23:32

There are times when DH and I drive each other round the bend, and things we each do that annoy the other terribly but he is a good good man.

He built me a catheter stand so I could shower more easily after ds was born. He's amazing with our anxious daughter and treats her so gently when she's struggling. He cooks most of our meals and washes up too. He runs our ds here and there for sport, even after a long day at work. He always defrosts my car when it's icy.

He's the biggest softy with our cats and often comes back from shopping with fresh fish or prawns. He supports me so I can work at a career I love part-time. I had a mental health crisis a few years ago and he makes sure I don't take too much on again.

He's a gem and I need to tell him that more often!

Weeteeny · 25/02/2024 23:38

My DP makes me endless cups of tea without asking, buys surprises for me such as my favourite biscuits, tells me I'm his gorgeous girl every other day ( I am in my 50s and we'll past my gorgeous days) today he washed my car and made the best roast potatoes and cauliflower cheese to accompany my roast ham. Then he did all the dishes including pots and pans whilst I played trivial pursuits with DS.
I have never heard a raised voice in the 8 years We have been together, he would never swear at me nor I him. He is a great dad to his DC and a role model for mine.
I love him have never doubted his love for me , as he has never given me cause to doubt him by his behaviour to me.

I had a terrible marriage previously with every negative behaviour possible exhibited by exdh. Getting out was the hardest period of my life but I would say to anyone ,take that first step and look forward. Sometimes I look back and can't comprehend the difference in my life since and happiness now.

CarterBeatsTheDevil · 25/02/2024 23:43

Mine's great. He really makes me laugh, he's so kind and understanding, he's always supportive, he 100% has my back in all situations. I have never felt so safe with anyone. He has always done at least half the housework and has been a superb loving and fully involved parent to our child, including taking 6 months parental leave to be with her full time after I went back to work.

I never have to worry about what would happen if I was ill or died because I see him parenting every day, and I know he's already got everything under control - he knows as much about parenting as I do.

Heather37231 · 25/02/2024 23:49

notwavingbutdrowning1 · 25/02/2024 19:48

I have just read the 'glass by the dishwasher' thread and am shocked and horrified by the lazy, rude abusive bastards out there. My heart goes out to every woman who has been a victim of one (as indeed I was in my previous relationship). It has made me feel quite down and I thought we needed an antidote - so what has your DP done for you that has made you feel loved and cherished? I'll start: when I came home from hospital after an operation my DP (not the fuckwitted previous one, my lovely current one) brought me my meals in bed. On the first day I wanted just bread, ham and tomato - I was very specific that I didn't want it as a sandwich (operations do weird things to your brain). He brought up a beautifully laid out tray and on the plate was buttered bread covered with ham, all cut out in the shape of a reindeer with a cookie cutter. He had used a cherry tomato as the reindeer nose. It was adorable. He's a keeper.

I don’t know why, but I really hope that this all happened in July or something rather than at Christmas time!

notwavingbutdrowning1 · 25/02/2024 23:51

I don’t know why, but I really hope that this all happened in July or something rather than at Christmas time!

@Heather37231 It was August!

OP posts:
Weeteeny · 25/02/2024 23:51

To add, he makes me laugh every day , I make him.laugh, we share the same silly sense of humour and over all he is kind and thoughtful.
I will never forget his support for me and my sister and my mum when my dear mum came home to spend her last weeks at home when terminally ill.

One last thing, he gets out of bed and defrost my car before I head to work at 7am even though he works from home and doesn't start till 9am!

He is a keeper

Jelliclecats · 26/02/2024 00:02

There are so many things, and I appreciate him so much…bear in mind we don’t live together…

When he found out I’d broken down he cancelled what he was doing, drove straight to me, pushed the car to a safer spot and waited with me for hours in cold Highland winter for recovery vehicle.

He turns up with hot cocoa for me, just because.

He walks my dog when he knows I have a busy day.

He digs my garden for me. As well as his own.

He takes me to every medical appointment.

If I’m late back he’ll have brought my coal in and made me a fire to come home to. He also chops enough wood to keep my wood store full throughout winter.

He knows as soon as he sees me if I need a cuddle before anything else.

He sees me.

Aria999 · 26/02/2024 00:06

Lots of things! He does all the cooking (very well!) even though he has a full time job and I am part time freelance.

The other day I was stressed and working late and when I stopped at about 10pm he had run me a bath and brought me a glass of wine to drink in it.

He is lovely, funny, kind, a great listener, very principled, a feminist.