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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To want to read about nice, kind, thoughtful DPs now?

145 replies

notwavingbutdrowning1 · 25/02/2024 19:48

I have just read the 'glass by the dishwasher' thread and am shocked and horrified by the lazy, rude abusive bastards out there. My heart goes out to every woman who has been a victim of one (as indeed I was in my previous relationship). It has made me feel quite down and I thought we needed an antidote - so what has your DP done for you that has made you feel loved and cherished? I'll start: when I came home from hospital after an operation my DP (not the fuckwitted previous one, my lovely current one) brought me my meals in bed. On the first day I wanted just bread, ham and tomato - I was very specific that I didn't want it as a sandwich (operations do weird things to your brain). He brought up a beautifully laid out tray and on the plate was buttered bread covered with ham, all cut out in the shape of a reindeer with a cookie cutter. He had used a cherry tomato as the reindeer nose. It was adorable. He's a keeper.

OP posts:
Andnowshesatoddler · 25/02/2024 20:11

My husband will probably leave a glass near the dish washer from time to time but I've never cleaned the bathroom never changed the bad linen I never worry about money and he holds my hand when I'm sad in my sleep (I am going through quite a bit mental health wise) amongst other things.
He's the best dad in the world too

Cas112 · 25/02/2024 20:12

My dp cleaned my car for me today, then made me a Sunday roast and I even got a cheeky foot rub.

CloseYourMouthLynn · 25/02/2024 20:15

My husband whittled me a wooden bird for our 5th wedding anniversary. It took him forever and he cut himself a lot in the process 😂. On a more serious note, when my brother died a couple of years ago, he did absolutely everything childcare and house wise for weeks when I was in the dark, early days of grief.
We are 50/50 in absolutely everything and I'm very lucky. I hope my son and daughter both grow up realising that's how relationships should be.

DontGoGran · 25/02/2024 20:15

We have a new baby and a toddler (stupid idiots that we are 😂), he knew I'd had a hard day whilst he's been at work so he's brought home a prawn bhuna (which he hates) and a creme egg (which he also hates) for me to have for my tea.

LoobyDop · 25/02/2024 20:17

Mine spent the weekend building a little ladder so the cat can get down from the top of the shed.

CryptoFascist · 25/02/2024 20:18

DBF (doesn't live with us) comes over and takes out DS regularly for a walk or an activity. DS is not his son but is very fond of him. He also always brings us food, drinks, thoughtful things he has seen, he plans things for us to do together.
He washes up my dishes if they are in the sink when he comes over, even if he didn't eat with us. Like me, he's very far from perfect but he can be thoughtful and kind.

NewYearNewJob2024 · 25/02/2024 20:20

It's so lovely to read about loving and helpful DP/DH!

My DH makes my lunch for me every single day. Even when he's in the office snd I'm at home, he'll grt it all ready and leave it in the fridge as he knows I probably won't get a chance with DC! He'll often do the ironing, does his fair share of the housework and cooking. And is an amazing father- nothing is too much trouble for him. He is so patient and kind. He also tells me every day that I'm the best wife and mum...I'd never want to be with anyone else!

BeyondMyWits · 25/02/2024 20:21

My DH is lovely. I have a heart condition and work mornings only. Work is 7 min walk from my house. If it is wet or cold at all my DH turns up just before 1 as he's "just picking up something from home on his lunchbreak". I always say "you didn't need to you know", he always says "I know". He's lovely.

Everydayimhuffling · 25/02/2024 20:21

He makes dinner for us all most days. He also copes when I have to make dinner and confess that it's been a difficult day and, while I've fed the kids (pizza), I haven't actually come up with any food for us. I am useful in other ways, before people feel that he should leave me!

Above all, he's just always a team with me no matter what. He steps in with the kids when I need a break (as I do for him) and works through problems with me. He's awesome.

Catza · 25/02/2024 20:21

My favourite thing about my partner is him saying “Don’t stress, I’ll take care of it”. My ex was doing half of housework and brought me tea in bed every morning but… every big decision was on me and if I didn’t initiate anything, things wouldn’t happen (moving house, changing jobs, building work, saving money, overpaying mortgage, booking holidays, Christmas presents for his family, you name it). I don’t have to do any of it now. The minute things get difficult, my man says the magic words “don’t stress, babe…” and I feel safe right away.
He does his bit around the house too, I don’t think it is anything out of ordinary that is even worth mentioning but I would happily do it all myself in return for all the stress he took out of my life.

suafa · 25/02/2024 20:21

My DH is genuinely my DH. After 20 years together, I am still certain (and thankful) that I found a very good man.

Rabbee · 25/02/2024 20:22

I've had Long Covid for just over a year of which around 6 months of that I've only been able to work and do nothing else (as I need to keep my job).

He is doing all the cooking, all the driving, all the cleaning, all the organising and all the thinking as my brain fog stops me even contributing. He's never complained once.

This weekend I'm feeling marginally better for the first time in a year and he's insisted I carry on resting as he doesn't want my recovery to be jeopardised.

CloseYourMouthLynn · 25/02/2024 20:23

LoobyDop · 25/02/2024 20:17

Mine spent the weekend building a little ladder so the cat can get down from the top of the shed.

Love this!

BrendaBrown · 25/02/2024 20:24

My DP is the nicest guy. He would do anything for anyone. He always thinks about me and does little things all the time. Makes my PJ’s warm in the dryer. He buys all the things to eat and drink he knows are my favourites if he goes to the shop. He always asks about my day and is never too busy to listen to me. He also tells me I am beautiful every single day. He is lovely

MumMumMumMumMumMumMum · 25/02/2024 20:25

When my baby was 2 or 3 weeks old I was hospitalised and my husband looked after this brand new baby everyday by himself, bringing her to see me, feeding all through the night, keeping on top of the house all while dealing with his own physical disability. He's just wonderful generally, caring, kind, thoughtful, empathetic, the best father and husband.

notwavingbutdrowning1 · 25/02/2024 20:28

Some of these are bringing a tear to my eye! In the best possible way.

If you're reading this and your DP is not like this, remember you totally deserve one who is.

OP posts:
LovelyTheresa · 25/02/2024 20:29

notwavingbutdrowning1 · 25/02/2024 19:48

I have just read the 'glass by the dishwasher' thread and am shocked and horrified by the lazy, rude abusive bastards out there. My heart goes out to every woman who has been a victim of one (as indeed I was in my previous relationship). It has made me feel quite down and I thought we needed an antidote - so what has your DP done for you that has made you feel loved and cherished? I'll start: when I came home from hospital after an operation my DP (not the fuckwitted previous one, my lovely current one) brought me my meals in bed. On the first day I wanted just bread, ham and tomato - I was very specific that I didn't want it as a sandwich (operations do weird things to your brain). He brought up a beautifully laid out tray and on the plate was buttered bread covered with ham, all cut out in the shape of a reindeer with a cookie cutter. He had used a cherry tomato as the reindeer nose. It was adorable. He's a keeper.

Great idea for a thread, the other one was so dispiriting!

I have an example from this very evening: I was making dinner and I managed to cut my finger and bleed all over everything. I don't like asking for help, just because I am the sort of person who prides themselves on their competence. He came in to find me spurting blood everwhere, and immediately tended to my finger and finished dinner. It is a small example, but very indicative of his character.

Iloveraccoons · 25/02/2024 20:30

Recently injured myself and was incapacited for almost a week, he did everything round the house, cooked my favourite meals, brought me all my favourite snacks all without complaint and booked me a special treat for when I was recovered. He's a good egg mostly (but does leave cups by the dishwasher...)

WickWood · 25/02/2024 20:30

I'm pregnant, only early days, but I am so unwell. My OH is doing everything, today he sorted out the animals, made me breakfast in bed, cleaned the entire downstairs and made me lunch. He is now making tea while I bathe. He's been amazing during my pregnancy, getting up early before work every morning to sort everything, not expecting anything from me, and thanks me every day for growing our baby. When I'm sick or heaving he breathes with me and rubs my back, as he knows that helps me. He's also reading a hypnobirthing book to know how to support me in labour.

I am so lucky, I've not always been this lucky, but there are absolutely good ones out there, you just have to find them!

MotherofWomen · 25/02/2024 20:32

I’m 37 weeks pregnant. We also have a just two year old.

My DH gets up with toddler in the night, every night, and gets up with her every single morning, does quite literally everything around the house at the moment, including all meals and absolutely all cleaning, makes my hot water bottle every night, and is always sympathetic to my pregnancy complaints and endlessly positive and cheerful.

He did loose his coat twice recently though 🤣

ImTheOnlyUpsyOne · 25/02/2024 20:32

This weekend I've had family over and it's been really hectic.

Dh brought me coffee in bed...which is rare because im usually the first up.

He cooked all our guests bbq (in the drizzle) because he knew i was a bit overwhelmed with cooking but also felt really embarrassed not to be providing a cooked meal.

He kept the kids occupied with toys and games and told jokes to them while i was chatting with the adults

He has also bathed and done bedtime tonight (which he does every weekend) but I am particularly grateful because I'm behind on my usual Sunday chores

He is an amazing dad and very loving hubby.

He DOES also leave dishes on the side and towel on the floor etc. I feel like most people have great qualities and poor qualities, love is deciding the good outweighs the bad and being patient with each other.

This is a nice thread, thanks OP

7catsisnotenough · 25/02/2024 20:33

Mine has made me believe again that there are good men. Coffee in the mornings, washes up if I haven't (we work overlapping shifts), takes the bins and recycling out... I cook, shop, do the laundry, it all works out pretty fairly but he's always so thoughtful, love him to pieces!

ecology1989 · 25/02/2024 20:34

I divorced “dishwasher” guy on the other thread. And met my wonderful DP. He brings me tea and porridge each morning in bed, but more than that, he just gets things done. We know what we each need to do in the house to give each other a simple and happy life. There’s no need for nagging or lists, if one of us sees something that needs doing, it just happens. It ebbs and flows, if one of us has a tougher work week, the other picks up the slack at home and vice versa. As a result I have far more energy, and no longer recognised the exhausted, drained women I was in my 20s when I was working full time and being a martyr for glass by the dishwasher man!

Wednesdayonline · 25/02/2024 20:35

My DH cooks all my meals, including making my lunch for work. He lets me fall asleep first every single night so that I sleep better. He always tells me I look lovely. He tells me he loves me daily if not more often. He is endlessly patient!! He is so selfless when it comes to our relationship. I am grateful for him every day and I try my best to make sure he knows it.

MoiraMoira · 25/02/2024 20:35

Mine just sat with me for our weekly Sunday chat where we look at our work diaries and split up the childcare/domestic tasks equally for the week ahead. We started this as a way to share the mental load.