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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To want to read about nice, kind, thoughtful DPs now?

145 replies

notwavingbutdrowning1 · 25/02/2024 19:48

I have just read the 'glass by the dishwasher' thread and am shocked and horrified by the lazy, rude abusive bastards out there. My heart goes out to every woman who has been a victim of one (as indeed I was in my previous relationship). It has made me feel quite down and I thought we needed an antidote - so what has your DP done for you that has made you feel loved and cherished? I'll start: when I came home from hospital after an operation my DP (not the fuckwitted previous one, my lovely current one) brought me my meals in bed. On the first day I wanted just bread, ham and tomato - I was very specific that I didn't want it as a sandwich (operations do weird things to your brain). He brought up a beautifully laid out tray and on the plate was buttered bread covered with ham, all cut out in the shape of a reindeer with a cookie cutter. He had used a cherry tomato as the reindeer nose. It was adorable. He's a keeper.

OP posts:
notwavingbutdrowning1 · 25/02/2024 21:23

He gets up when the cat miaows at 5 am because she’s done a poo and scoops the litter tray.

That sounds like the world's most demanding cat, @Renamed! (And well done to your DP for dealing with it.) Does she insist on a clean litter tray at all times?

OP posts:
Ciri · 25/02/2024 21:27

My DH disappeared upstairs last weekend and I was getting a bit grumpy about it but he was making me a mix tape.

FrangipaniBlue · 25/02/2024 21:32

DH does things that drive me up the wall, but equally I know there are things I do that drive him scatty. But I think the key is that really, we love each other's quirks and wouldn't change them (would be boring right?!)

But he has been there holding my hand through the darkest most difficult times of my life, including losing my mum at 21.

He has enabled me to pursue my career and was primary carer for DS for 5 years while I worked away during the week. I know thousands of women do this for their husbands every day but in my experience the men willing to do it for their wives are a rare breed.

I do a competitive sport and he is my no1 supporter. He follows me to events, carries my kit and is always there waiting at the finish cheering me on.

I know that in both my career and sport he is incredibly proud of me because he tells anyone who will listen. I meet people for the first time and they say things like "ooh it's so nice to finally meet you, we've heard all about you!!"

and he tells me he loves me several times a day Smile

Renamed · 25/02/2024 21:32

Yes @notwavingbutdrowning1 - she’s only been using the tray for a year or so, she used to go outside (in our backyard not anyone else’s) but she’s getting on a bit. She hates it though so will only go in the early hours, but needs it to disappear! We prefer it not to sit there for hours to be fair.

Luckyducky123 · 25/02/2024 21:35

Makes me a cup of tea every morning. Gets up
with the kids on a weekend so I can lay in that little bit longer. Anytime I have to take time off work for DC illnesses, he’ll hand me my loss of earnings and a little extra. I just know he’ll always be there, especially for our kids. It’s a nice feeling when I had an absent Dad, I definitely broke the cycle finding not only an amazing partner, but a forever Dad that will always be there for his DC xx

MsSquiz · 25/02/2024 21:42

He does the jobs he knows I hate, without question - taking the rubbish out, emptying the dishwasher among other things.

He always gets me something if he goes to a shop or petrol station, even if I say I don't want anything.

He is the best dad to our girls. He actually enjoys going to soft play with them and is always willing to play the clown for them, wherever we are

And while he always leaves his clothes next to the washing machine, that's fine because he knows I'd rather he did that than put a wash on for jeans and a shirt!

Confusedmeanderings · 25/02/2024 21:50

When I was having chemotherapy and couldn't really face food, my DH made all my favourite soups from scratch. He put a lot of thought into making them as healthy as possible and full of things that would be good for me. Then he froze them in single portions so that If I couldn't manage a proper meal I could have some soup and know I was getting a good dose of the nutrients I needed.

Luckyducky123 · 25/02/2024 21:55

Confusedmeanderings · 25/02/2024 21:50

When I was having chemotherapy and couldn't really face food, my DH made all my favourite soups from scratch. He put a lot of thought into making them as healthy as possible and full of things that would be good for me. Then he froze them in single portions so that If I couldn't manage a proper meal I could have some soup and know I was getting a good dose of the nutrients I needed.

❤️❤️

FredWinnie · 25/02/2024 22:01

I get coffee in bed every morning, car lifts here there and everywhere (I do drive but sometimes want company), and thoughtful little treats from the shops, just because

Once, some years ago, I really fancied some marmalade. He went and fetched marmalade. It was 1 am.
He had to drive for quite a while to get to a shop that was still open

Waystation · 25/02/2024 22:02

When DD was five I was really sick - spent 3 months in hospital then six further months recovering - DH just picked everything up - without any complaints never asked me how to do anything just did it - all while working full time.

If he sees something that needs doing he does it - and he never says no or later if I ask him to do something.

On the other hand - he stuffs his socks down the back of the sofa (yuck) and he leaves empty coke cans under the sofa! Drives me insane!

Meagainreincarnated · 25/02/2024 22:10

23 years ago he travelled East to North London 3 changes on the tube with a fish tank on his lap. My keeper.

blackcatsyeah · 25/02/2024 22:10

Sometimes I have to go to the office when DH is WFH, and he gets up at 6.15am just to drive me to the station. He does all the online food shopping and meal planning and most of the cooking. And he’s incredibly patient with my elderly parents and listens to my dad telling him the same stories 500 times without ever complaining.

MiltonNorthern · 25/02/2024 22:14

My DH is the polar opposite of my previous emotionally abusive H. Mine worked away all last week and did 80 hours because he's got overtime available and wants to take us all on holiday. He drove 4.5 hours home on Friday then drove us another 200 miles to my parents and then drove us back again today. I tried to take us a short cut and gave him an extra 20 miles to drive and even then he didn't get grumpy with me. He's so kind and loving and literally never gets cross. He's off tomorrow for another 80 hour week and he has just told me he will miss me. I can't believe how lucky I am.

Dymaxion · 25/02/2024 22:14

This thread is lovely. Also depressing because it makes me realise how little DH does or cares.

Itsallabouttea · 25/02/2024 22:18

DH is awesome. He makes me tea every morning, gives me massages when my back hurts and tells me I'm beautiful when I'm slobbing around in my dressing gown. I know he's 100% got my back in everything I do

Fabulousfeb · 25/02/2024 22:19

My dh had to work today, he leaves me tea and tea in a flask by the bed incase I don't wake up for the first one.
He got in the door at 4pm and certainly without me dreaming of aksing him he got straight into baking with dd and then again without me asking brought me up a cup of tea.

FilthyforFirth · 25/02/2024 22:19

My DH is awesome. I work full time in a quite stressful job, we have two small kids and I am knackered all the time. He is so supportive and encouraging of me having time off. He often suggests I sleep over at my dads to get a break, or go out with my friends or away for the weekend.

He does 90% of the cooking (I do a mean roast so Sundays are my day!) and when my mood is low will take on all of the housework (I am depressed).

He is excellent at gift giving and really gives a lot of thought for my birthday and Christmas.

He makes me laugh everyday, is the best father and my best friend.

He isn't perfect but that's not what this thread is for!

Fabulousfeb · 25/02/2024 22:20

@MiltonNorthern 😂😂2
20 extra miles and he didn't get grumpy 😂he's a saint

theyongs · 25/02/2024 22:21

What a beautiful thread. Some day my ship will come in 🙏

thatneverhappened · 25/02/2024 22:22

My DP is the best one of all these stories. Sertiously the kindest loveliest man ever. I e had a dishwasher guy of the worst type

Patrickiscrazy · 25/02/2024 22:25

Thank you, OP, for the thread and others for sharing!
Wish there would be more partners/husbands like these! ☕🍩

noodlesfortea · 25/02/2024 22:27

They are out there!

Mine was up half the night with the baby, still did the early childcare shift this morning so I could have a lie in (we alternate days), made me a cup of tea & breakfast when I got up, and did more solo parenting this afternoon so I could have a nap despite us both being poorly.

He has always been a good one, but particularly stepped it up since DD was born. We're both lucky to have him.

Wishthiswasntmypost · 25/02/2024 22:27

Cooks nearly every night. Sorts everything car wise for me. Sorts plumbing, carpentry, and DIY for me and my children (not his). Listens to me and buys something as a surprise if he hears me mention it. Tells me he loves me before we fall asleep. I trust him, can rely on him and feel lucky to have met him

Ihatebuswankers · 25/02/2024 22:27

Mine spends his days off tidying our kids’ room, or trying to make improvements in the house. He always cooks for me when he is at home and I’ve been in the office. He never whinges about me going out. If it’s his turn to listen out for baby, he gets up in the night quickly to try and avoid waking me up. He stacks the dishwasher, hoovers, does laundry. Makes me a tea most mornings (unless I make him one first). He goes shopping. Just normal partner behaviour really. I mentioned I felt like the mental load of birthday admin fell on me, and he’s tried to take on more of that. This should be the minimum you expect of a partner!!

Sophia89 · 25/02/2024 22:28

When I was in hospital he visited me every visiting time and stayed the whole of it, at first all I did was sleep and he just sat in the chair next to me. He came every day and was there online in between to give words of encouragement.
He's the one who makes coffee in a morning and brings it to me. I return the favour but he still does it more than I do.
He will do his exercise after I have done mine. Always lets me go first.
He would go without things so me and the kids can have what we need.
This is nice to think of good things for a change.