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AIBU?

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Original poster

What is she up to?

807 replies

DontVisitCabotCove · 25/02/2024 16:18

DB, his partner “Jane” & her 2 kids have been staying with me - in my house - after the house they were buying fell through. They had been looking at other properties to buy but have since decided to end their relationship so that’s no longer happening.

Yesterday while my DB and I were out and unbeknownst to me, Jane had an estate agent over to value my house & as he was leaving he told her he’d send her an email with the valuation & they were talking about viewings etc.

Today Jane asked me to give her a letter stating that my brother is living here but wouldn’t tell me why she wanted it & was really unhappy when I said I’d give her a letter saying they were both temporarily staying with me as that’s the actual truth.

What on earth could she be up to? I’m honestly baffled!

Should I tell her that I know about the valuation? Should I tell my DB about all of this?

On one hand I don’t want to get involved in their troubles or make things worse (things are bad enough between them already) but on the other hand I feel I’m being drawn into it as it’s my bloody house she had valued!

OP posts:
Thread gallery
12
BusyMummy001 · 26/02/2024 07:43

NotAgainWilson · 26/02/2024 05:05

No need to waste time in agents, she is not selling your house, just using the valuations to show, at family court, the standard of living your brother enjoys while she is likely to be homeless with children.

If your brother wants to be left with at least some money for a small place of his own where his kids can have their own room to stay overnight, he needs to seek legal advice asap, as she seems to be way ahead of him already.

If you have not told DB about the valuations DO NOW, you would be really making things very difficult for him for years to come. My parents remained silent about something like that, I will never be able to forgive them. 20 years later I am still paying dearly for their bloody discretion! A simple comment would have saved me and their grandchild years from years of financial hardship.

Edited

They are not his kids. They are not married. She has no claim on anything he might one day inherit.

This seems to be a precursor to fraud - hence she/DB needs to identify the EA and find out whether she purported to be OP/the property owner. His evidence is needed to take this to the police.

WillYouPutYourCoatOn · 26/02/2024 07:56

mylovelytulips · 26/02/2024 00:34

i wonder if she was getting a rental value estimate. Then she can say £2000 divided by 4 bedrooms - his ougoings are only £500 he can afford to pay lots for the kids upkkep

But she's not married to the DB.

She can't claim any of his (pretending OPs house is his) assets.

TheFormidableMrsC · 26/02/2024 07:57

IncognitoUsername · 26/02/2024 07:17

Jane is not married to the DB.
The children are not his.

I understand that people don’t want to read the entire thread but at least re all the posts from the OP!

It's utter madness isn't it? Why do people keep coming on with the same comments, the same misunderstanding of the situation and indeed do not read OP's last update which would show them that she's done everything that has been suggested. Frustrating!

Applesonthelawn · 26/02/2024 07:59

It's one of two things.
Either, as PPs have suggested, she is using this to prove that your brother is adequately housed therefore she deserves a greater share in the equity from the house they sold. This is the most likely option.
Or, she has done it out of pure spite to try to upset him. People do all sorts of weird stuff out of spite, wanting to believe it will hurt them more than it actually can. An ex girlfriend of my brother did exactly this many years ago, and started showing people round the house before I discovered this happening (I was staying with him temporarily at the time and was home from work that particular day).

MyGooseisTotallyLoose · 26/02/2024 07:59

People keep saying it because Jane may believe it, given the advice I've seen here! There's a thread going where the non married ex is being told to go for a TOLTA to get him to buy her and dc a house and car so they get the same lifestyle at both houses!

VeganCow · 26/02/2024 08:00

I'd get a clear pic of the estate agent and take it into a big local one. Agents tend to know each other in same area so chances are you can track him down

Mymilkshakebringsallthepapstomycar · 26/02/2024 08:04

@Applesonthelawn they have no equity because they have not sold a property. OP clearly states they have no joint assets and the house that fell through was to have been their first purchase together.

Namechangenamechange321 · 26/02/2024 08:06

Please update us once DB has spoken to
Jane!

Changeusernameseeusernamehistory · 26/02/2024 08:06

TheSnakeCharmer · 25/02/2024 22:09

How do you know they were discussing your house and not rental properties or the valuation of another property?

why would a estate agent visit her there to discuss her rental needs for another property? Never heard of that happening (but then I live in London where EAs treat prospective tenants like the disposable scum we are)

Dearg · 26/02/2024 08:08

NotAgainWilson · 26/02/2024 05:05

No need to waste time in agents, she is not selling your house, just using the valuations to show, at family court, the standard of living your brother enjoys while she is likely to be homeless with children.

If your brother wants to be left with at least some money for a small place of his own where his kids can have their own room to stay overnight, he needs to seek legal advice asap, as she seems to be way ahead of him already.

If you have not told DB about the valuations DO NOW, you would be really making things very difficult for him for years to come. My parents remained silent about something like that, I will never be able to forgive them. 20 years later I am still paying dearly for their bloody discretion! A simple comment would have saved me and their grandchild years from years of financial hardship.

Edited

Of course it’s rude!

Even if the dc were OPs brothers’ , which they are not, the not rude thing to do is ask Op. A guest doesn’t get to invite anyone to OP’s house without asking.

It is not as if Jane is being abandoned with her DC by their father now is it ?

ThePure · 26/02/2024 08:19

One rather horrible possibility is that she may think DB is going to inherit your house OP given you are unwell.

It's still of no possible relevance to her as she has no claim on any assets he may have or may be going to have if they are not married and don't have DC together.

Amy1117 · 26/02/2024 08:24

I would contact the estate agent first and tell them then I would tell my brother and let him deal with her. Including moving out ! Whatever she is up to, it's intrusive!

magentacloud · 26/02/2024 08:32

NotAgainWilson · 26/02/2024 05:05

No need to waste time in agents, she is not selling your house, just using the valuations to show, at family court, the standard of living your brother enjoys while she is likely to be homeless with children.

If your brother wants to be left with at least some money for a small place of his own where his kids can have their own room to stay overnight, he needs to seek legal advice asap, as she seems to be way ahead of him already.

If you have not told DB about the valuations DO NOW, you would be really making things very difficult for him for years to come. My parents remained silent about something like that, I will never be able to forgive them. 20 years later I am still paying dearly for their bloody discretion! A simple comment would have saved me and their grandchild years from years of financial hardship.

Edited

You can't possibly know what she is up to. It's no good, whatever it is.

GRex · 26/02/2024 08:35

You're doing very well with all this OP, good to see your DB is stepping up to locate the agent.

Fraud attempt seems most likely on the evidence, but I also wonder if she will claim a pregnancy as his soon.

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 26/02/2024 08:36

All sounds very weird. I’d spend some time today calling round all the local agents and find out which one it was to let them know it’s not her house, do not set up particulars or viewings.

Abeona · 26/02/2024 08:36

NotAgainWilson · 26/02/2024 05:05

No need to waste time in agents, she is not selling your house, just using the valuations to show, at family court, the standard of living your brother enjoys while she is likely to be homeless with children.

If your brother wants to be left with at least some money for a small place of his own where his kids can have their own room to stay overnight, he needs to seek legal advice asap, as she seems to be way ahead of him already.

If you have not told DB about the valuations DO NOW, you would be really making things very difficult for him for years to come. My parents remained silent about something like that, I will never be able to forgive them. 20 years later I am still paying dearly for their bloody discretion! A simple comment would have saved me and their grandchild years from years of financial hardship.

Edited

How many more times do we need to remind you and others that the DB and Jane aren't married, he's not the father of her children, they have no shared assest and she has absolutely no claim at all on either OP or her DB. If you don't read the thread, at least read all the OP's responses.

chattyness · 26/02/2024 08:54

I would get a clear pic of the estate agent from your ring doorbell footage and email it to all the estate agents in your local area and ask he works for them to see if you can find him and get some answers that way

PrincessDani90 · 26/02/2024 08:56

If she is a worse financial position since her and DB split, could she be saying to EA she's selling house with DB in order to secure a rental if her income is not enough. I would try the EA she is renting from first.

CoraPirbright · 26/02/2024 08:58

Yes, a still from your Ring footage sent to a couple of EA’s is a good idea. It won’t take long to track him down - local agents do tend to know each other…

As an aside FGS how can so many ppl be so hard of thinking? The children are not DB’s.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 26/02/2024 09:00

trekking1 · 26/02/2024 01:00

How on earth can someone sell a property they don't own. That's wild

It has been known to happen, though!

Therealjudgejudy · 26/02/2024 09:13

So bizarre. Definitely don't let her back in your home.

Ariela · 26/02/2024 09:15

@DontVisitCabotCove Sorry you're having to put up with this worry on top of everything else.

You could look on local EA 'About Us' pages - most happily show photos of their people. Or ask your brother to ring round a couple of local EA and ask if they have or know of an EA called 'John' who came to value 123 Red Road on Saturday 10 about 10.30, or if they can direct him to the EA he works for. All local EA will know all the others in the area IME (friend's brother is one and seems to know them all).

Wheresthebeach · 26/02/2024 09:17

Wow...well like others the only thing I can think of is fraud. The letter with your signature would also help that along. What an awful person to do this, but especially when you're so unwell. Sorry you're going through this OP.

Ramalangadingdong · 26/02/2024 09:22

Mombie · 25/02/2024 22:31

Ok she needs to go and so does your brother. He maybe entirely innocent but the circumstances are really odd.
They move in, he stands to inherit and she wants to prove that he has some sort of beneficial right to your property before he has inherited the property and has it valued without your consent so that she can stake a claim to it.
Two things:
Where did you and your brother go when the estate agent was over? Who planned it and how long were you out?
What exactly are the circumstances of their house sale falling through? What do u know about their finances. Do they have the funding/deposit for their new home?

In these circumstances nobody, not even their children should stay with you until you get to the bottom of it. Sit down with your brother and her and if possible another trusted third party and tell them that they need to leave.

Find and contact the estate agent so you know what she said to him about house ownership, why she was getting it valued etc.

This is a great post. The fact that she asked for a letter to prove the brother lives there but not her suggests that you might be on to something. It makes me think of their house purchase falling through in a new light.

This thread is pretty scary.

RoseAndRose · 26/02/2024 09:30

This is probably really bad advice, but I'd supply a letter saying

"My DBro is staying here temporarily on an informal family basis. He has no right to occupy nor any interest in the property"

(Typing name at bottom, not signing)