Postnatal visiting AIBU

[Showbel]

Hi I'm currently pregnant with my first, due in a couple of months. I am trying to prepare for a long & complicated labour bc my body is awkward and knowing my luck things will go that way!
My partner will be with me during labour, I've been with him almost 10 years, trust him 100% which is why I don't know why I feel this way, anyway I'll carry on,

We have quite a large family and I imagine a lot of them will want to come and visit after on the postnatal ward, I know there's set visiting times on the ward which is fine. (I think it's open visiting for partners, 2 other visitors during visiting times) I will clarify with MW in a couple of weeks.

I'm getting a bit worried though bc my partner said outside of visiting times for relatives, he will just pick up the baby from the cot, carry her outside in the hospital corridors for family to meet her.

I don't want him to do this. I explained I might not be able to join him depending on how I'm feeling and tbh I don't want to go walking round in cold corridors with our baby. And I want to be there when family are meeting her it's a special moment.

I told him I don't want him just picking up the baby and taking her elsewhere. It's chaotic for a start. I said if I wake up from a nap, for example and the baby isn't there I might panic. I want the baby to stay in the cot but obviously can be taken out of the cot if someone visits us on the ward to hold etc.
He said I'm being unreasonable because it's his baby too.

We can't agree on this. Please feel free to tell me I'm being unreasonable and help me to see sense. Maybe it's just my protective instincts kicking in already? I know I won't feel this way when we go home. But in hospital it just seems right for me and baby to stay together? AIBU?

Check with your midwife
But when I had mine the babies weren’t able to leave the bay let alone the ward unless with nurse to go do the baby check etc

The hospital staff won't allow it, don't worry. Babies need to be in their cots when moved around corridors for one and even when you're discharged a nurse/ midwife will check you have the right baby and walk you to the carpark. Its protocol. Your instincts are good

You may find that you aren't in long enough for this to be a problem. My DM's neighbour had a baby a couple of weeks ago by ECS. Baby was born on Thursday morning and she was home Friday evening.

Agree with the above - he won’t be allowed to do that. Might be a good idea to let him know that asap. I imagine he won’t believe you so you might have to show him this thread - or get a female relative to have a word.
Plenty of time for extended family to visit once baby is home.

When I had my children you couldn't get onto the ward without the midwives letting you in, so no visitors outside permitted times, and also may babies were 'tagged' so if they were removed from the ward an alarm would sound, the tags were removed when we got to the door upon discharge, not a moment before. I believe most hospitals put this or similar in place after the abduction in the 1990s of a baby from QMC in Nottingham.

He won't be allowed to just wander off with baby to show them off, Midwives/the ward security just won't allow it.

Also, I wouldn't commit to visitors yet, you may be in and out so no chance of hospital visits, or you may just not feel up to it, or be happy for a few...just remember you and baby are the priority not everyone else.

As much as the corridors won't be particularly cold, I really don't think he'd be allowed to do that anyway.

Congrats on your pregnancy and I hope all goes smoothly. You may not need to stay in a long time after the birth. The hospital staff won’t allow him to take baby off the ward as all babies need to be accounted for - some hospitals will use security tags to ensure baby is kept safe with you.
visitors can wait a little while before seeing baby they don’t need to all pile into hospital to see baby straight away.

Try and explain to him that you and baby will need to rest and heal after birth and that you need that time to bond with baby

Yes it’s his baby too but he’s not been the one who’s carried them, had that ‘additional’ bond of having grown them and had to be alert to all of their movements and then birthed them (fingers crossed it all goes smoothly for you, but it can as you say be awkward and drawn out!)
When I was in hospital I had to transport them from the birth room to the ward in the cot and the Dr’s came to us to check them.

There’s plenty of time for visitors when you’re home and it can be on your terms, rather than people landing on you in hospital. You need time to recover, bond and establish how new life works with a baby, rather than be pushed and pulled all over by people who just want to see a cute baby. You matter too!

Like others have said, you probably won’t be in long enough for it to be an issue. At my trust, they aim for discharge within 6 hours for a vaginal birth and 24 for a C-section.

I'm normally a bit by some of the newborn threads on here but your DP is off his rocker!

Absolutely you will want to be there when the baby YOU delivered (at whatever cost to your body) meets their family
The baby will be far too new for you to even want to be apart for longer than about a minute!

He (and they) can wait!

Babies are alarmed in my local maternity unit, you can't take them off the ward without setting it off . He most likely won't be tak8ng the baby anywhere

The absolute last thing you (and the other patients) need in a postnatal ward is hordes of visitors. They can wait until you're out of hospital.

Dont think this can happen . I wasn't even allowed to walk holding my baby down the corridor to get lunch . I had to put him in his cot

Absolutely not! What on earth is he thinking?

Firstly, you can save your worry, the midwives will not allow this as it is a huge safety risk.

1. Babies stay with mothers- they will not allow baby to leave without you.
2. Babies are put in cots and you wheel baby in cot- never carry them round like a doll.

You and baby are the priority here and he needs to get with the program.

Yeah remember this from 90s , can't go wandering around with baby as their patient . Apart from the fact you're not married either . Which can cause more problems .

You could be home within 6 hours anyway, there's no reason you'd be in there for days necessarily.
Just tell him the midwife said it's not allowed.

They won’t let him take the baby out of the ward like that; it’s very strict to make sure nothing happens to babies.
I’d get your DP to come to a midwife appointment and have them explain that to him and that you need to be looked after and babies not exposed to infection.

He’s probably hearing you say “I don’t trust you with our child and I am a more important parent than you” so I can see how he seems hurt. BUT as others have said, he’s totally wrong to suggest this - it’s so new for you, the first day or so will be very intense, you’ll just have given birth, and you don’t want anything that can panic you. The baby and you have essentially been the same person for 9 months. And you should certainly be there when your baby is introduced to any relatives. Careful he doesn’t feel pushed away - but this has to be something you do together.

Plus, totally agree there may well not be much time for visits. A day or two is quite common, if all goes well.

As everyone else says, he wouldn't be allowed to take the baby out of the ward, so it isn't going to happen.
Also, it is unusual for people to stay in hospital more than a few hours after giving birth these days, sadly.
However, I think you need to get across to him that it is important in the early days that you are close to your baby and also that you want to be there are 'the first meetings' between baby and Grandparents / Aunts / Uncles, etc.

Baby is not allowed to leave the ward at all ie even with Mum or Dad. You will be out quickly unless you or baby needs more care.

Tell family you will let them know once you are all home and settled

I don't think he can do that. Once you take the baby off the ward that's it. Out.

I can't imagine anyone who's just given birth would like this so it's no wonder you feel worried!
He won't be allowed to take the baby away from you when you're in there, and there'll be a system in place to prevent it. When mine were born they had a tag placed on them, if they were taken out of the maternity ward the tag would set off an alarm. As others have said, I'd let him know that asap.

You are not unreasonable at all, he is being ridiculous. I’m sure it comes from a place of excitement but still ridiculous. Rest assured it won’t be allowed. I would however nip his expectations in the bud early on of what you need to save any hassle when you least need it after giving birth!

Erm, has your partner had much interaction with newborns or people who've just given birth?

As many others have said, if things go well, you'll be turfed out of the hospital within a day, if not a few hours; if not, you'll probably feel too rubbish for loads of visitors. And you can't just walk around with a freshly born baby! They're asleep for most of the first 24 hours, and when they're awake they need to be on you, learning to feed.

Take him to next midwife appt and ask her to describe what to expect after birth.

Not allowed when I gave birth.

It's a baby not a toy.