AIBU to need help managing Gen Z?

[HebburnPokemon]

Age old story: I’m an older millennial (41) managing Gen Z (24) and finding it hard going. At first, I thought this was a simple personality clash, until a friend suggested it’s probably an inter generational clash due to the problems I was describing:

My employee goes AWOL often. We work hybrid so if she’s not online I can’t track her down. This isn’t normally a huge deal unless I need something urgently.

My employee cries a lot. This is normally in response to someone offering constructive criticism.

My employee complains that she’s doing work above her pay grade (she’s not).

My employee complains that she’s stressed with a particular area of work and cries. So I take over the area with her agreement. But when I’m not around she does work on the area and then complains to me afterwards that “she’s been sucked back in” to the stress.

My employee is erratic in her opinions of me. One week I’m the best manager ever and she send me cute gifs and compliments me to others, the next week she’s complaining to others that she’s doing the work of my grade.

My employee complains that she doesn’t know what I do each day (I’m 2 grades above, does she need to know?)

When I google Gen Z in the workplace it describes my employee 100%.

I’m fairly new to management so understand I need tips/suggestions to make this work. I’m far from perfect myself due to inexperience. This is also her first job.

Disclaimer: I’m Autistic, which adds to my feelings of bamboozlement!

Experienced managers of Mumsnet, please advise!

I’m begging you to extend her probation and be clear with her about the behavioural issues. If she starts crying, say “I can see you’re upset and I’m going to leave you alone for a few minutes until you’re feeling more composed”. You’d be amazed how the tears stop when you remove the audience.

@Harvestfestivalknickers “set her some objectives to improve her behaviours all under the guise of preparing her to further her career.”

This is gold advice, thank you!

Shes being manipulative by crying.
One colleage of mine did that to the boss in 2009 and no longer had to do that aspect of the job.
You dont complain about previous bosses etc

The Eisenhower matrix can also be helpful in terms of getting someone to think more proactively about their own work and development.

Your employee needs a disciplinary.
Have you sent her any written warning yet?

Haven't had time read all the response @HebburnPokemon but I manage large teams, with a lot for diversity within them. Often several people who would not define themselves as neurotypical. Couple of things strike me:

(1) Is she up to and performing at the job at the level you would expect her to? How well does she meet the job description and if not, how much is likely to be a development need, skills gap or capability gap? Or do you need to be having a well being conversation with her? This sort of behaviour often signifies an underlying issue of one kind or another and it needs surfacing.
(2) If after that you are none the wiser, the poor or unwarranted behaviour in the workplace is an issue if it is preventing the person - or those around them - from doing the job well. It should absolutely be picked up on and discussed.
(3) How strong and mature is the feedback culture in your workplace? This is an ongoing challenge for many places but building a culture of really reflective open feedback with the intention of building a high performing team is crucial.
(4) If she hasn't passed probation, it is perfectly legitimate to have a conversation about how well you think she is coping with the role (note the wording there, it is not about delivery it is about coping). And that if she hasn't passed probation I would look at either not passing her or extending it until you determine whether she can meet the requirements of the role.

All of this might seem quite harsh, but the reality not all jobs and not all workplaces suit everyone. And that is fine. And it is ok to have a well supported open conversation about this and to help the other person move onto a different job. This individual may thrive in another job elsewhere. But it can be difficult to get people to recognise this themselves though, so speak to HR and get advice asap.

Good luck.

(Ps this isn't a Gen Z/X/Y/Millennial thing, it is just a management/leadership thing - the more management you do, the more you will come across it)

Might not be the best link but you’ll get the gist:
https://asana.com/resources/eisenhower-matrix

Yabu to blame this on a generational thing. I am a millennial managing gen z and have none of this.

Sounds very draining and unfortunately while is a personality thing... in my experience has occurred much more frequently than it ever used to.
Interesting tho that you are trying to sort all of the issues... this is a proffessional paid role... what is the employee looking to do to help herself ? I personaly feel it is often used to remove parts of the role that they dont want to do or avoid any critical feedback.
Setting clear expectations on role is one... when saying she is stressed okay lets look at why? Why do you find this stressfull? Is it reasonable? What coping mechanisms could you put in place?
How would you like us to work together ? What way would you like to recieve feedback? How would you like to raise anyconcerns with me? ( relevant beccause if she is then inappropriate behind your back you have set out how you will work together) if she feels she is overworked /working beyond her grade then reflect back with your boss and then ensure she is aware that there is a concensus that she is not. Clear, documented and consistent. Also complement her on what she does well to ensure balance but manage the behaviours tightly so she knows theres no widggle room. Right now she is not working at full capacity and avoiding key parts of the job while you run around thinking what you need to do differently. Keep to clear boundaries and she'll realise she doesnt have the upper hand

She is handling you like you are a spinning top with all this U-turn.
I would not pass her probation.
Good quality work is half a job done.
Atitude to the job is the other half.

@BadSkiingMum “I always have a structure or simple agenda in place even for a 1-1 meeting.”

What does the typical structure look like? Also, how long are your 1-1s and how often do you have them? Thanks!

How do you know she's not gone on an extended lunch break shopping nearby? She could be taking the piss.

So her work is excellent, the problem is with her crying and complaining about your management style!
In all honesty if you reported the above to me, I would be very concerned it was a problem with you, not her.

I think the easiest and most appropriate to handle the crying is , as a previous poster said, to ignore it and either end the interaction or wait it out.

Some people stress cry when they are angry or frightened and can’t express themselves. Others have learned to cry in difficult settings because it is an effective attachment tool to get others to offer help.

Take a hard look at her crying and try to figure out why she does it. You need to shit it down and for her to retrain herself so this is not her go to behsvior.
The easiest thing to do is:

1. To end the interaction, if you can, when the tears happen. “I see you are upset and I can let you go to compose yourself. But we will not be able to reconvene until X date/time” No quick turn around and the delay should cost her something.

2. If she cries while receiving verbal review switch to written and tell her its to help her regulate her response. If she cries while telling you about her feelings about a review tell her that crying and complaining are making it hard to understand and she needs to write up her complaint/goal in complaining. She may or may not understand that things are either action items (need a response) or unnecessary in a witk setting. Telling her to put it in writing lets her know that she has to think sbout the cost to her of the behavior.

Employee sounds like a lazy bitch.

This seems a bit contradictory tbh.
You are confident everyone else thinks she is fantastic and yet colleagues have been giving her the “shit sandwich” method of “constructive feedback”?
Well which is it? Or is it just you delivering the shit sandwiches?
Because the shit sandwich is, as everyone knows, a horrible way to give feedback. Much better to compliment good work as it happens and criticise anything negative as it happens, in a “ just keep an eye on x for next time” sort of way.
I am managed by someone quite senior to me, I know pretty much what he does all day. He’s very meticulous so sometimes nit picks my work, I don’t mind as it’s straightforward, and not delivered in a formal way (we interact pretty much all day on team or in the office)
Similarly, I manage a person who is great, but the rare occasion I need to critique something it’s fairly casual and no big deal. Most of the time we all rub along and have a very good working dynamic.
I wonder if your management style is too bogged down in “grades” and too formal/ hierarchical?
Incidentally all the gen z I work with are incredibly smart, resilient and funny and I have so much respect for them.

I was about to type this out but @FlabMonsterIsDietingAgain has got there first! Performance isn’t just about what you produce, but how you do it. Behaviour management is just as important, and many managers won’t tackle it. But if you have an able team member who isn’t behaving as expected for the role, it’s worthwhile tackling it, so you get to keep the good outcomes and improve the behaviour.

24 and in her first job? Is that her first permanent, "career-type" job, or her first time in paid employment of any kind?

If she's never had any gap year, part time, temp or holiday job, she's missing 6-8 years of work experience and is lacking workplace skills.

OP, she should not pass probation

Her work can be ok, but she is having a negative impact on your organisation and a very negative one on you. So no, she s not a positive addition to a team or a company, you should see it and act accordingly.

Put everything, her changing expectations, failings (missing for hours? isn t that enough to fail probation, really?), 121, in writing, go talk to your HR.

Your HR dpt will probably understand better than you how a pain in the bottom individual like herself can ruin teams, colleagues and departments (even when the quality of their work is ok) because of the drama they bring.

It is not your job to try to make her understand the basic realities of life. If she is so talented, she'll get another chance somewhere and hopefully she ll have done her reality check inbetween. Your duty of care is to yourself and your company.

Do not even think of sharing with her what you are working on. It s another power play.

Sorry, because I know it’s bad form to nitpick in a non-constructive way- but why do you keep calling her your employee? Unless you own the company she’s not your employee.

Maybe I’m wrong and you do own the company? But I note you mentioned your boss. From your other posts it’s sounds like you’re her line manager and she’s your direct report.

I don’t know why this jars with me so much. It’s in nearly every post of yours- “my employee”. I wonder are you overstating the power dynamic between you and this is coming through in how you manage her. You mention she’s been subject to “constructive criticism” from several colleagues. In what forum is this delivered? If it’s delivered publicly and coming from more than one person I can kind of get why she’s feeling upset.

I started work way back in the 70s and I’ve never had a job that’s allowed me to act out. How do Gen Z’ers do it? I’m almost envious.

I do 1hr weekly 1:1s with my team but it is a specialist role with a wide and varied scope so it's more of a touch base to make sure I know what everyone is working on, any pain points and am able to support any escalations.

If your roles are more consistent and KPIs are easily measurable than monthly 1:1s are probably sufficient.

Agenda

• what has gone well
• what is not going well
• what are key priority activities for upcoming week/month
• any gaps or issues that need to be addressed to enable meeting objectives
• any risks or escalations that need to be flagged
• performance against KPIs
• areas where improvements are needed
• company/team updates that need to be shared down.

I'm gen-z and when things happen in the workplace, I'm very happy to cry in the workplace. I think it actually happens a lot more just in private. I don't mind doing it publicly.
if she's in the office and going AWOL can't you ask someone in the office my guess is she's probably just speaking to people in the office which is good for her to build connections. I personally think we have built this obsession with Microsoft teams with the minute it doesn't appear green. We want to know where people are.

My last manager was annoying if Microsoft teams went amber she would message where are you and sometimes I would be answering the door to the postie or I'd gone to the loo. I think you might have to drop the flexibility on that unless you speak to someone at work and she's leaving.

I think it's pretty normal to want to know what your manager does. I like to know what my manager does. It's also helpful to know in case you aspire to that level.

I think I sit down chat with your concerns and ask her if there's anything you can do to help her in work would be helpful. She might be struggling and just not want to tell you so if you go in there with a positive attitude of wanting to help it might help things.

@pikkumyy77 the tips you have about how to deal with crying are great. I have a similar situation and will try to use what you have suggested so thank you!

Age discrimination works both ways you know. Have a read of your initial post and really ask yourself if it would be acceptable for her to link all of your behaviours to your age like that.

Sure, her work ethic and resilience is a problem but you're out of order for repeatedly bringing up her age in this scenario.