Hi all, hoping to get some advice and find out AIBU when it comes to Grandparents and boundaries/ rules for babysitting.
Over the last year or so had a lot of issues with Nanny and rules/ boundaries. Bottom line is she doesn’t respect them and says they are pedantic. Always referring back to how she thinks it should be done and that time at Nanny’s is fun and I need not worry how she cares for them in this time.
Rules are - bedtime stuck to as closely as possible, if having a later night / going away/ adjusting routine ask first, don’t leave them in someone’s else care without asking/ telling us (this has happened), no drinks for 6YO after tea time as he might bed wet. If we impose screen limits / treat limit due to bad behaviour at home etc (which is rare), this follows there.
I personally don’t feel this is a lot to ask. But always, always one of these rules at least will not be followed or will cause a stressful debate prior/ after them going.
This has come to a head as on this occasion she has trimmed our son’s hair, without asking or telling me. I only found this out via my childminder. My son told her it was as I said that I don’t like his hair, this is not categorically not true and is also not the first time something untrue has been said.
Going back/ forth with her to seek understanding / resolution. She has eventually apologised but the apology is alongside explanations as to why it’s ok i.e it wasn’t a lot if anything taken off, I used proper scissors, my mom did it for mine.
To me then she does not see the point and similar will recur. She flat out denies what my son has said she said, again she always does.
It gets to a point whereby now she is dragging up the rules (with exaggerations) i.e we were once unavailable at bedtime so asked her not to nighttime call but we would message once able to check they’d settled. This has now become they are never allowed to call you when with us, erm not true! And then again if I do call her in this time, I’m imposing on their time.
And somehow I am now unreasonable, she is hurt/ upset, she is hard done by. And I find myself sitting here feeling like maybe I’m the one overreacting?? Am I giving her a hard time?? Then the father in law is angry with us that I’ve upset her 🤦♀️
Thanks for your patience if you got this far! Any advice welcome as I’m honestly at the end of my tether here x