Children growing up too fast!!

[Highflow]

My son is in year 7, soon to be 12 years old.
Went to a small village school, quite a nice area, nice friends.
Since becoming a parent I’ve thought children grow up too quickly, so intentionally I have tried to keep his innocence. In the things he watches, or plays on the PS5, not having a phone till secondary (and still keeping tabs on it) etc.

Now he is at secondary it’s opened his eyes as well as mine!! From checking his phone, the group chat that he is in with his whole form is awful!
The swear words used by 11 year old children, think the worst word ever, the sexual element of the chat is gross, insinuating oral sex, who is dating who.
Videos uploaded of fights on buses. Gifs of animals humping each other. Pictures of them out round the town with clearly no parents.

Im alternating between removing him from the chat, or keeping it so I can keep an eye on what he is being exposed to at school anyway with these new friends.
I know my son isn’t keen on this new world by the fact he is still choosing to be friends with his primary school friends (who are different schools) via playing online and at the weekend.

Am I a prude, is this the reality now? How do you naviagate this at such a young age. They are still such young children. I worry now for my daughter starting secondary in a couple of years.

So make it a condition that phone = controls stay on. It’s not a god given right to have a smartphone.

Take the phone off him. Give him a text only phone. 11 years old and social media, pornography and bullying one social media all at his finger tips. It's too young, way way too young.

smartphonefreechildhood.co.uk

I don't care a jot what the law says. I am the parent, DS the child. What are they going to do, take you to court?

One of the conditions of DS having a phone was me having control over it. That's how it worked in my house. No debating.

@Beezknees well you can't be going to the same city centre as me then - or any of the city centres that I have ever been to as they truly are quite frightening!

So it isn't the law. What that means is that Google shrug their shoulders age 13 and blame the kids if something goes wrong. All the more reason to step up parental control id suggest.

Been to loads. I live in the north midlands so regularly go to Nottingham, Derby, Birmingham, Sheffield and Manchester. Also visit friends in London a lot. Never felt any of them are "frightening" and I'd be a bit concerned if anyone did!

You can't let companies like Google decide what your kids see.
They don't care about the health and well-being of your children, nor does this government.

You have to take the steps to look after your children in every single sphere of their lives.

@Beezkness - you are being ridiculous to say that/walking around with your eyes closed or simply lying. I have been to all of those city centres also and have lived both in Birmingham and Manchester - the amount of crimes I have witnessed around these city centres over the years is shocking!

You sound extremely and unusually anxious.

Well yes, she’s 9. Quite different to a 12 year old.

Are you in the UK? Thousands of children don’t go missing every year.

I think you're the one being ridiculous.

@Beezknees - how on earth am I being ridiculous?? Do you not live in this world?

@LittleBearPad? Why do I sound extremely and unusually anxious because I don't allow my 12 year old DD to go to a major city centre???? I can't imagine any decent parent allowing their 12 year old DD to go to London, Birmingham or Manchester City centres on their own - that is insane - it does not make me extremely and unusually anxious it makes me a bloody good parent for protecting my DD - she is still a child FFS!!

No because your posts are over dramatic and silly as is your response to me. None of London, Birmingham or Manchester City centres is ‘truly frightening’.

My DD is year 8 so she and her friends are all 12/13. They go in to Leeds city centre. It's perfectly normal. We're all decent parents who realise the importance of allowing our children to develop a sense of independence and confidence. At that age I also remember going to the town centre with friends.

I grew up in London and attended school in Zone 2 - children got bus/ tube in from all over london (it was a private school so no catchment) - we would then visit friends ourselves by tube etc - so were going all over london from 11 - this was in the 90s - so we didn't even have mobile phones!

If you live in London it's normal by 12 to be learning how to travel about alone.

I think people are confusing two issues here - online danger and real life danger.

If children were given MORE freedom to be independent in the real world we would have less issue of kids spending too much time online!

The reality is children and young people have increasingly lost their freedom to roam/ play outside in the real world.

The idea that a 12 year old can't go into town, go swimming with mates, get a mcdonalds, go to a park the other side of town etc - is just ludicrous.

It's by doing these things independently that children grow into teenagers and can judge risks/ assess situations/ develop confidence.

And btw I say that living in a south coast city with a lot of deprivation - lots of drunks/ drug users in our town centre - my son has been going into / across town with friends since Year 6 - I encourage him to!

Where I live (middle class type area on edge of a city) - if I don't send my son out to play with friends (park/ town/ other parks further away etc) - the reality is he will want to game online like his friends do for hours.

I encourage him to get out and about - on his bike down on the seafront/ into town/ take a ball to the football cage/ go to subway get lunch etc - because I don't want him on screens all the time.

I do accept children have different levels of responsibility at different ages - but he is year 7 and I can't imagine a single child I know of that age who doens't have similar freedoms - maybe some use that freedom less, still focus weekends on families etc - but it's definitely a normal part of their life.

for starters if you live in a city you will be taking buses etc just getting to and from school.

@LittleBearPad - I am certainly not been overdramatic or silly. My DD is just 12 - I have witnessed awful, awful crimes over the last few years in my city centre including rape and knife attacks to name but a few - why would I put my DD through that - and yes actually it was very terrifying as an adult to see someone knifed and die in front of me - I do not call that being silly!!

Take a look at all the responses. You're very much in the minority.

You see rapes in broad daylight in the middle of a busy city centre? Really?

@Beezknees - if I am in the minority if doesn't mean that I am wrong! And yes I have unfortunately seen more than 1 rape in my city centre - really not nice - consider yourself lucky that you have never witnessed such a thing!!

You've witnessed more than one rape, in the middle of the day, in a city centre full of people and no one did anything about it?

@Beezknees - yes I have, in broad day light. Yes, the police were called. Believe what you like, I have no reason to lie

@Mybusyday that's really awful but 12 year olds still need to develop independence. You can't wrap them up forever. You can make sure they have sensible plans, they stick with friends, they learn the way/ the route they need etc - they know what they might do if they feel worried. That's how they will grow into responsible adults

Did you know that teenagers have been found (by scientists) to be hard wired to take risks - evolution did this to them! this is so they could develop independence - they are literally meant to engage in what we see as risky behaviour

So - if you gvie them small risks to take - like walking through town, their confidence will grow. But in a safe managed way.

Children now have far, far less independence than they used to - that is why the suggestion here that they are 'now' growing up too fast by going out and about is topsy turvy!

It's now that we see kids barely leaving their home except to go to school - that's the change!

@Waterrat - I appreciate what you are trying to say and I certainly don't wrap my DC in cotton wool but I refuse to let them go in to one of the biggest city centres in the country. They have lots of independence in other ways