Are my DC hyper or AIBU as my expectations are warped ?

[coveruplep]

My DC always around and jump off furniture after dinner. Like a circuit. Yes I tell to stop but they start again or go in another room and do it. They are very wired in the evenings. We have a healthy diet mostly home cooked, protein, carbs and vegetables and have exercise, fresh air & down time each day including screen time, but not excessive or super restricted.

The running about is straight after main course, they cannot seem to stay sitting and get down after a few minutes. It’s not a sugar thing like after giving a sweet pudding, although I appreciate all carbs are sugar. It’s daily.

Ages nearly 7 & 4, been trying to sit at table as family for dinner forever. Now I don’t know AIBU the expectation they should be able to sit still for 10 minute dinner or did I start the expectation when too young and now there’s a habit of getting up and not staying seated ? How long should they be able to sit at their ages?

Seems the few people I’ve asked about a comparison on this do not do family sit down at the table dinners. Told that the kids eat in front of Tv or on children’s table or sofa so it’s not so formal or more come to table to collect food, but not sit at it. Have one friend we’ve eaten at table when on a play date, but kids get down quickly too, but not hyper like mine.

I find some like this impossible to know what is “normal” expectations as I grew up in vvvv strict family so you behaved or got beaten, so I find it hard to know what expectation is realistic with my children. No other little children in family.

DH says I’m not strict enough and let them get down from table without asking. Obviously I am maybe too lenient as I try to break the circle. Tonight DH was out and behavior was even looser, but DC seemed more relaxed but it’s the weekend. Is it possibly ADHD instead ? How can you stop it anyway without consequences?

Mine are the same (twins 6, nearly 7) and I’ve wondered if this is normal or not. We also sit down to eat as a family and they’ll often randomly get down to run around during the meal, or they’ll randomly be lying upside on their chair. They fidget so much it’s not rare for one of them to fall of their chair. This happens at school too I’m told (the falling of the chair). And the jumping on the sofa circuits after dinner too are a huge thing. I let them do it though as I think maybe they need to burn of some steam some how? The other evening I sent them for a run around out the front (we live by a green) and they really enjoyed it so think I’m going to start doing that more often! Have also wondered about ADHD tbh

Honestly I am pretty relaxed but mealtimes were non negotiable.Do you sit at the table with them and model good behaviour.

Mine could always sit because mealtimes had a strict routine and this included the one with ADHD. Wash hands, sit. meal served, conversation over meal, first course removed , second course served etc . At the end of each course knife and fork placed together on plate/bowl. They only got down when they asked properly ' thank you for my meal, please may I get down?' They still do this now sometimes as adults it is so ingrained and I am 50 odd and its still there in my head even if i don't say it to my parents! Anyone getting down without permission would not get anything else to eat and jumping on furniture was strictly forbidden, except maybe beds.

Honestly I have three boys and it was often a madhouse but sitting at the table was a pre requisite for eating meals , they did have snacks and things in front of the TV as they got older but mealtimes were sacrosanct. Routine and firmness is key , also I tried to have fun things to talk about over the meal, so games of who am I , planing for activities etc.

independent play is very difficult for 7 year old, 4 year old yes can play for a little, but often will want to sit on your lap to do it or want you in the room, but not necessarily want you involved in game as such. 7 year old can sometimes join in play with 4 year old, but can’t make up own games, is better with a board game or drawing.

Screen time none before school, 90 minutes after and weekends a few hours spread depending on what we are doing. Might watch a movie and then short bit of tv / gaming . Oldest games, youngest not.

Just another thought , at the table the had 100% of my attention , at most split between the three . I think this meant they resisted less becasue they liked the attention . Anyone getting down or misbehaving got as little attention as possible , they definitely did fidget but unless it got really bad I would ignore as long as they stayed at the table.

This is true of us as well. I find eating out works more smoothly for us if we take no toys or colouring. I find that if you provide an activity, you then have to provide a next activity when attention spans wane, and it starts to escalate.

Whereas if we sit and chat to them it seems to be fine.

Consistency is the key to make it the norm and a habit. Combined with the I am taking no-nonsense voice/look 😠. Not quite sure where my no-nonsense voice/look came from as it just developed over time, it probably started with the old 1-2-3 method when very young and I was able to drop the 1-2-3 when they knew what the voice meant.

dc are told they are not allowed to leave the table in a restaurant it is not a playground, so they expect that is the required behaviour. If they do leave the table, zero tolerance, they are brought back/told no. The approach no different to not being allowed to play in the road.

Same at home. We always ate at the table and they where not allowed to leave until everyone was finished and then we all helped take plates back to kitchen/scrapped any leftovers into bin etc, getting more involved as they got older.

Is there any way dinner can be earlier. 6:30pm seems quite late, are they perhaps over tired?

But again, you say they listen to your husband so they clearly are capable of sitting still if they think there are going to be negative consequences?

What does your DH to get them to listen that you don't do?

We shouldn't be thinking up consequences for children who need exercise showing us they need exercise... we should be helping them to move!

You can do both. Yes, increase their exercise time - but at seven and four, they're old enough to be able to sit down at the dinner table and eat a meal with their parents without repeatedly getting up to bounce around on the furniture.

I think there is a difference between needing more exercise and being hyper, but I am taking everything on board and it’s very interesting and useful.

My children walk to and from school, they do run around. They do go to the park and we walk the dog. (Noted that one park visit is not enough week, but I do not see everyone in the park every night so can’t just be us) I agree more activity needed as the formal years of school is too much sitting. But there is some forest school, but 7 year old would benefit from less sitting down. I can probably do better, I will give some changes a go.

Shouts loud, not sure it’s ideal. He’s not here a lot, out working. I do 98% parenting. If I do an earlier dinner he will not be home from work by then so he won’t be home.

This. I think you need to get much firmer here.

No, that's not ideal but neither is having a 7yo who keeps getting up to go and jump off the furniture. If he tried that at school, it wouldn't be acceptable and there would be consequences - especially if he ignored a teacher telling him to stop and sit back down.

A lot of families eat dinner earlier or the children in and then dad eats later. You can’t have them on a late schedule because of dh work hours.

I have 8yo twin boys and a 5yo girl. They all sit for the meal, though how much actual eating is done by my DD is hard to say. It is not unusual for them to have some energetic playing time after dinner, though. When the weather is good, they will go out and jump on the trampoline. When it isn’t, they’ll do dance parties or set up indoor obstacle courses. I won’t let them jump on the furniture, but I think it’s fine for them to get that energy out ahead of bed. I would focus on getting them to sit for ten minutes to eat, ask if they can be finished before getting down, and then have something energetic ready for them to distract from the furniture hopping. Mine love a disco light. My twins also have to clear the table before they can play. Can’t quite trust DD to do that without disaster yet, but giving your 7yo a bit of responsibility might help with the structure of the meal. Realistically, if their behaviour is showing you that they need that release at that time, it’s fine to let them have it. You just need to help them funnel the energy into an outlet that suits you.

My kids are 7 (under assessment for ADHD) and 4. I would allow them to run around my house like this at any time of day. Me and DH are both very strict on certain house rules including not jumping on furniture. I also have a 12 year old with autism and ADHD. He wouldn't have been allowed to do that either. You do need quite set house rules about things like this if you want the kids to adhere to them.

However in saying that kids do need to run, climb and use up there energy or they will become very difficult and run around Duracell bunnies at a certain point in the day. Mine tend to walk to school/school nursery (0.8 miles) and are busy all day there. We do something most days including swimming, soft play, karate, after school club, football and at weekends family days out where they walk a lot or when the weather isn't as good maybe soft play, swimming or the trampoline park. We have annual membership for a few local places which I like.

Wouldn't allow sorry my phone is playing up

My three year old can and does sit at the table for dinner, including multiple courses when we go out or have people round (at least once per week). The one year old gets a bit frustrated, understandably, but is happy sitting on the floor with toys.

Erm 3 toddlers and teens and none do this and if they did they would be told not to. We all sit down to tea at the table and works for us sitting nicely and eating. The only time they may get more energetic is if they haven't been out to play because of the weather but this still won't make them jump on furniture

Wow why didn't I think about telling my kids not to? So many great ideas on here

I think you need to start with disciplining them both but especially 7yr old. It's OK to distinguish between them.

I work in a nursery and all children are capable of sitting for 10 minutes. If they get up they are told to sit back down. Even those that are very hyper can do it but they wriggle and kick and tap etc but that's OK. If your DS are really struggling then a wriggle cushion is brilliant. Another trick I learned too late for DS1 is that a step on the chair can make all the difference. Having legs hanging loose drove him crazy. If you can get a stepped chair (tripp trapped brand is excellent) you can make a step from those exercise elastic band things. They can bounce their legs while keeping the upper body still.

Yes of course I sit at the table and stay sitting, so does DH. We all sit together at a proper table with chair, it’s a sit down dinner every night. I know other people do different things, but this thread would be a bit weird if I roller skater around the table then expect my DC to sit still and then complain about it 😅

My kids are similar in inclination, at 5 and 8. Meals out can be really grim, but also quite pleasant if they are entertained. In contrast my best friend’s 3yr old can quietly sit colouring while we chat in a cafe. I think there are just different temperaments.

But I see a change in the last year or so, that we can all have a chat sometimes, when they are engaged, if I choose a topic like ‘what would be our idea pet’ or suchlike, sometimes these chats can be enjoyable at dinner and keep everyone still.

It’s slow progress and my kids are just active types, I don’t think it’s unusual but agree with pps that you need boundaries on the bits you dislike like the furniture.

we do sit at table but sometimes it is necessary to make an effort to keep my 3.5 year old at the table eg we read books, drawing etc
we also play a game called put your hands up that he really likes.
we don’t do telly as he gets too entranced and doesn’t eat

Will try the cushions, this might help thank you great suggestion