Do you allow your 17-year-old to…

[Topray]

Have completely unrestricted and unsupervised phone access (so not even having to leave phone downstairs at nighttime)

Work part-time if still at school or college.

Learn to drive (either self-funded from wages or with parental help)

Travel in a car driven by a 17-year-old

Stay overnight at the home of a friend you do not know

Use public transport alone at night

Regulate their own sleep, even if this means getting out of bed at 3pm on a weekend

Stay home alone overnight or for multiple days

Be out and about without you know really knowing exactly where they are at any given moment

Yes to all

Even though it kept me lying awake in bed some nights, but they didn’t know that!

Yes to all.
She tells me a lot though so not much secrecy.
None of her friends are driving yet so not come up about being driven and we live in the middle of a big city so not much need.

Dc1 yes to all.
dc2 is 18 and has quite serious MH issues and so:

Have completely unrestricted and unsupervised phone access (so not even having to leave phone downstairs at nighttime) - no, she has to give us her tech overnight. I don’t monitor what she’s looking at but she has restricted access overnight.

Work part-time if still at school or college. Yes.

Learn to drive (either self-funded from wages or with parental help). Yes she drives and has a car.

Travel in a car driven by a 17-year-old. Yes in theory but not sure if it’s come up.

Stay overnight at the home of a friend you do not know - not something that’s come up.

Use public transport alone at night - in theory yes but she drives.

Regulate their own sleep, even if this means getting out of bed at 3pm on a weekend. No, I have to wake her in the morning so she can take her medication with food and it’s important she keeps a fairly regular sleep pattern including being out and about in daylight hours.

Stay home alone overnight or for multiple days - yes but only for a night at a time if she feels happy for us to do so.

Be out and about without you know really knowing exactly where they are at any given moment - I guess so, she’s gone out tonight to meet some people from work although I suppose she could be meeting anyone!

Not quite there yet but the only thing that stood out to me in that list was being driven by a 17 year old. I have sons, and the statistics for boys in accidents when they have another young person with them in the car are horrific, it has haunted me since the day I read about it, on that basis we are providing our son with a car, insurance, and driving lessons on the basis we can set the rules for the first year. One of which will be no young passengers or being a passenger in another teen's car for the first year. I'm not saying this will be stuck to religiously, a lift to work in our town which is all 30mph is different to driving to a gig an hour away at night, but that will be the general premise.

Yes to most of them except the staying at home alone multiple nights. Not because I don't trust them but I wouldn't want DD to be lonely

No to several of them

Er yes I did of course. At 18 they went to university so they needed to be able to look after themselves before that!

Yes to all of it, although I'd expect them to text me and let me know if they went on a night out and were staying out so I wouldn't be wondering where they were.

Have completely unrestricted and unsupervised phone access (so not even having to leave phone downstairs at nighttime)
yes

Work part-time if still at school or college.
yes

Learn to drive (either self-funded from wages or with parental help)
Yes

Travel in a car driven by a 17-year-old
I’d worry but yes.

Stay overnight at the home of a friend you do not know
probably

Use public transport alone at night

If they were with a friend yes if not I’d rather pick them up / pay taxi

Regulate their own sleep, even if this means getting out of bed at 3pm on a weekend

Yes

Stay home alone overnight or for multiple days
Yes but only for a couple of nights

Be out and about without you know really knowing exactly where they are at any given moment
yes

DS did all those things at 17 although while he lived at home I usually had a fairly good idea where he was most of the time.

Yes to most of it. My DD is 17 works part time Friday and Saturday nights until 1am. Has driving lessons. We remind her to go to sleep before we go to bed- she’s really good at getting up for college and she recognises she needs sleep.
We would leave her alone over night but she hates being alone so we haven’t.
We know where she is and we agree a time to be home and she lets us know if she won’t be home for dinner. We are fairly relaxed but she is sensible and does everything we ask of her.
I am not sure we will be relaxed with our youngest and might need to put firmer rules in place as she can get in trouble in an empty room.

I would allow them but my teen wouldn’t want to do them all eg stay overnight on their own.

Yes to all.

I remember telling my mum at 17 I was going to the seaside for the weekend with my boyfriend (18 - in the same class at school). She was keen to say no but when she realised I was spending my own wages, driving my own car with my own fuel she realised she couldn’t very well say no 😂

Theoretically yes to all. The driving ones haven’t come up yet, thankfully.

Yes my daughter went to university at 17 and stayed in halls. I had no idea what she was up to as only saw her once a month. It's called trust and Op it's hard but it's how they learn

Yes to all although the public transport doesn't really apply I'm not sure I'd be keen for her to be alone on public transport, in a group fine.

Dd is the driver in her group of friends and she is a very safe and careful driver.

Dd knows that all of these freedoms and privileges ( her car, new phone etc) are contingent on her continuing to work hard at school. She is expected to manage her time so that she can fit in her 10 hrs of sports plus 8 hrs of work a week don't interfere with her education. So far she's doing a fab job. As others have said in a few months she'll be 18, I see my job as getting her ready for adult expectations and realities. She cant do that if she is given no freedom.

DD is 16.5 and it’s yes to all of those things except the last one because she has Find My and we inevitably end up collecting her so it’s easier to have it than not.

Public transport is a no because we live in a shitty area for public transport but have no issues at all and she frequently gets Ubers after parties etc.

I have been known to wake her up at lunchtime at the weekend to clean her room but would be happy for her to sleep in otherwise - she’s in the nocturnal stage 🫤

My daughter is 17 and it's a yes to all of those.

A few years back a 17 year old I knew was killed as the passenger in a car driven by his same-aged friend. He was getting a lift home from school and it happened on a slow moving urban street. He wasn't wearing a seat belt and went through the windscreen. I think that's the most potentially harmful situation listed.

No to the phone in the bedroom overnight, we all leave them downstairs!

Yes but I can track her on an app.

No to travelling in a car driven by a 17 year old

Ha ha me too, I did over 100 hours with DD. It actually gave me confidence in her ability rather than the opposite.

Have completely unrestricted and unsupervised phone access (so not even having to leave phone downstairs at nighttime)

Yes - including my 15 year old

Work part-time if still at school or college.

Yes and youngest will get a job when she's 16 her sisters both worked from 16

Learn to drive (either self-funded from wages or with parental help)

Yes

Travel in a car driven by a 17-year-old

Yes
Stay overnight at the home of a friend you do not know

Yes at 17

Use public transport alone at night

Yes

Regulate their own sleep, even if this means getting out of bed at 3pm on a weekend

Yes - from about year 9

Stay home alone overnight or for multiple days

Yes at 17

Be out and about without you know really knowing exactly where they are at any given moment

Yes - 15 year old goes out - I know roughly where she is but not exactly

As others have said - both my older kids are now at Uni - both about 180 miles away in opposite directions! They do what they like and I don;t know where they are of who they are with - 17 is almost an adult

My 15 year old has quite a lot of freedom - it's not worth the constant phone/bedtime battles - equally I do not cover for her if she's late for school or tired! She is great at getting up and out and I totally let her sleep in all weekend because teenagers need that.

I've never known anyone choose not to wear a seat belt on public roads. I think that's sadly more about the decision of the passenger not to use a simple safety device than the age of the driver.