Mother’s Day expectations

[TheSillyRaven]

Mother’s Day expectations!
i have asked my husband what we should do on Mother’s Day, given we both have mums and I’m a mum too! He said he is taking his mum out for the day. I thought we could spend the day together, all of us… and feel hurt that he hasn’t considered me in that. He has said I’m acting narcissistic and only thinking about myself! Suggesting I should tell our children what to do if I want them to take me out (2 are adults and 1 teen). Am I being unreasonable to be upset that he wants to take his mum out alone? And I’m left to sort my own Mother’s Day out?

Yes that’s what I was thinking, he has a sister… I dont know what her plans are, but I was thinking perhaps they could just all come to us for lunch or we could go somewhere. Now I’m thinking he should just go do what he wants to, I will be upset I can’t pretend I won’t! X

I hope he realises that he's being inconsiderate! 💐

As your children are adults then I wouldn’t expect your husband to do anything particularly with you.

Are your children particularly thoughtful?

Perhaps you’re right, I can’t help feeling though that it’s ironic that as a mother on Mother’s Day… it’s down to me to organise. I don’t expect a massive deal, one of our children is only 14, so perhaps I still feel in some ways DH should be responsible. I’m kind of feeling like just sacking the whole thing off now lol!

Is it possible, if your mum is hard work as you seem to be suggesting, that his mum has asked to do things separate this year?

It is possible lol! They don’t love seeing each other from their body language!

Tbh you shouldn’t have to remind your adult children or ask them to organise anything. They should do it automatically if they’ve been raised to appreciate their mother. It’s not a case of if they are available. They bloody well should be and they can help the 14 year be there as well.

One of them is 14, the other two are in their 20’s- they are not inconsiderate, just typical boys I guess! I don’t expect more than a card, but to all have lunch together would be nice. I think I’m talking myself out of caring now lol!

Yes YABU! Adult kids! It's not up to your DH to sort you out, he's sorting his Mum. Different if your kids are little.

I think he’s perfectly entitled and reasonable to want to spend the day with his own mother, if I’m being honest.

Its nice that he’s still making the effort with her, and I’m sure she probably would appreciate some 1 on 1 time with her son, instead of it being a shared event.

I’d let it go, and be happy to give them a nice afternoon alone together.

He's delivery leaves a lot to be desired, but I agree with his point. Your children are adults and you're their mother not your DHs, so it's up to them to sort your day and DH to sort his mums.

It’s sad that what is the norm for you on MD is not happening as you were probably expecting and looking forward to it.

Do adult boys live with you? Is 14 year old likely to want to go somewhere special with you?

This. Personally I’ll be happy with a card.

what's changed from last mothers day ?

So I reckon this is to do with his mum putting her foot down on the mass mother's day thing.

I don't see a problem with that..she's his mother, you aren't

Your adult kids and 14 year old should be making the day special for you..don't just shrug it off with the ' But they're boys' nonsense. Your indignation should be aimed at them.

Finally, it's not really that big an occasion to most people so I wouldn't get so fixated on it.

oh your youngest is 14 your husband is right it's on your kids to sort something, I mean your husband is a .male and he is managing to sort his mum out why can't your adult sons?

Me too.

Perhaps you’re right, I can’t help feeling though that it’s ironic that as a mother on Mother’s Day… it’s down to me to organise. I don’t expect a massive deal, one of our children is only 14, so perhaps I still feel in some ways DH should be responsible. I’m kind of feeling like just sacking the whole thing off now lol!

It isn't down to you to organise though. You have adult children. It is down to them to organise something if you have been clear to them that you like to / want to "have something arranged for you" on Mothers Day.
It isn't down to you and it isn't down to your dh.

Yeh, I think perhaps they will organise a card each. And my MIL can have her special day out … not bitter at all 😂

At least your DH is role modelling appropriate MD behaviour to his DSs. Perhaps its too subtle and he needs to have a word with them!

It's (Mothering Sunday) Mother's Day , not wives day - isn't that what your wedding anniversary is for ?

So your responsibility is to your mother, and your children's responsibility is to you.

Are you worried your sons won't step up and do anything so you are looking for your husband to fill the gap? I think now may be the time to make it clear expectations for your sons for things like Mother's Day, your birthday etc. I don't think, other than the first few years, it's on husbands to make Mother's Day special. But equally I wouldn't be going all out for Fathers Day. Again your sons need to step up as adults and take responsibility.

Would you be expecting more of your adult children if they were girls?

We don’t bother with all that here. It’s much easier not to. I can’t think of anything I’d want them to do or buy or anywhere I would want to be taken anyway. My perfect day is when none of them are around to annoy me 🤣 I get two days a week of an empty home ( yes very lucky) and I just take myself to any restaurants or shows I fancy all the time anyway. See also valentines/ birthdays/ Xmas. Not a thing here. We just buy the kids stuff on Xmas and birthdays.

Your kids should be sorting it out. If they can't be arsed then it's them you should be annoyed with

If you want more from your sons you need to have a conversation with them.

I've been able to sort out a bunch of flowers and make a cake for mum since early teens, surely they're o!d enough to have worked that out?