WIBU not to go to MIL's bday gathering?

[OddSockChaser]

MIL's birthday is on Easter weekend. She's just invited us to her house with DHs siblings and their families to celebrate. It's a lovely idea.

But my adult DC can't come as he has an event the night before and will be sleeping in a different town, it's a 5-hour drive to MIL's and we wouldn't be able to get us all there in time.

We could go without him, but I don't want to spend Easter without him and lose family time with my own family unit.

Her birthday and the following day are the only time over the Easter holidays that me, DH, our adult and teen DC are all free at the same time to have family time and we'd planned a big roast, family games etc, which we would have given up to go to her birthday if we could all go together.

WIBU to suggest that a smaller number of us go down the following weekend?

She would like to get all her children together.
You would like to do the same.
You can't do both on the date she prefers. See her another time.

I am guessing her chances to get all her children together are a lot less than yours. Surely your roast could be another weekend?

Could you phone her and explain?
It's a lovely invitation & sounds like it will be fun but in all honesty I would prioritise time with my kids.

Agree with this

Can your adult DC travel separately and meet the rest of you there? Or at least get to somewhere you can pick them up en route?

This is exactly the part I'm struggling with!

It's tough because I feel we should go, but I'm torn because I hardly see my adult DC, DH and I work long hours in quite gruelling full-time jobs and are both fed up, and we were looking forward to spending Easter with our children.

Are your adult DC that bothered about a roast and 'games' though?

What are their thoughts?

Surely a day with your immediate family overrides a day with your ils?

Leave it to dh to make the decision, his mum, his kids

They love it! We're lucky that we're a v close family on the rare times we can get us all together. DC are mix of uni / teenage so only 1 young adult.

Why couldn't your adult DC give up the event the night before so he can attend his Grandmother's birthday with you and the rest of his extended family?

I think your suggestion sounds sensible! It's a shame she didn't invite you before your adult DC made plans the night before.
I wouldn't cancel the only time you can spend time as a family over the Easter holidays to go see MIL without your adult DC, I'm sure your MIL wouldn't expect you to either

He's such a people pleaser he never dares say no to anyone, and rarely chooses the route which is right for him personally, which is one of the reasons I posted, to get some outside perspective.

It'll be a hard call for him if his mum is trying to persuade him to go there and I'm trying to persuade him to stay here. It'll stress him out.

Alas not willing, he's had it booked in since November.

Depends what the event is, surely? Sounds like it’s a bit more than a random night out - I wouldn’t give up something I’ve booked and am looking forward to for a meal with the family. I’d just go and see my grandmother separately.

Presumably he could also visit grandmother on many other weekends and wouldn't be able to rearrange this event

What about this?

This

But the grandmother will have lots less time overall and it's her birthday?!?

It would in my house!

@OddSockChaser so why put that pressure on him and just go with the flow for one weekend for your husband and rearrange your event?

Surely not if it's MIL's birthday?

Do all your dc live with you op?

It's her birthday. It's once a year. I think YABU.

Yes but this is mumsnet.... an odd little corner of the internet which seems to hate the MIL population ... regardless of what they do/say they are automatically in the wrong

Same with men. Men are hated