First date AIBU?

[Thalia31]

So I haven't been dated since 2009, as I'm recently separated I'm in my 30’s.

I met a guy online and for our first date he gave me a choice of three activities.

1. Axe throwing
2. Archery
3. Batting cage

I said I didn't find them first-date material, I said I would like to do something where we can talk and get to know each other a bit better he then suggested badminton. I do enjoy the outdoors but I found the choices strange, I ultimately declined AIBU is this a normal first date suggestion.

I think they are fine ideas - but it might tell you that you don’t have much in common if they don’t float your boat. Good activities to bond over and 1-1 so time to chat with some distraction to make it less intense. But your choice to not fancy it too!

They are a bit 'out there' but the woman for him will be the one who leaps at the chance to do something like that on a first meeting.

That's not you, so you weren't wrong to decline.

I don’t think they’re very first date kind of things either, and this would put me off.

He is obviously quite active but wouldn’t a nice countryside walk, nothing too strenuous be nicer?

He

I think they sound fun. Would much prefer a date where the pressure is off, you can talk about the activity, have a laugh etc. just sounds like you’re not compatible so a win-win for both of you, you don’t have to waste time on a date!

I think it's a great idea

He is not wrong for suggesting these first date activists and you are not wrong for declining them. Just sounds like he is up for a quirky ice breaker first meeting and you want a more relaxed approach.

Oh, I think those sound like really fun ideas! I think an activity for a first date would be lovely, many people won't want to do dinner or coffee, might not drink (or want to get drunk with a strange man) so I think those are good suggestions.

But as PP said, if the suggestion of those things puts you off, then you're probably not well matched.

The problem undoubtedly is that dating platforms have plenty of women who want to be “wowed” and “entertained” on their first date. So he’s picking things that are endorphin and Adrenalin inducing , great for Instagram, but you’re not necessarily going to get to know the person

i agree with you OP. Dinner or drinks, or a coffee, and you actually get to know the person in front of you.

I'd love any of those as a first date! Presumably, you'd be going for a drink or something afterwards, so you can talk then.

There are two sides to this. He's probably trying to sound fun and exciting, you're just wanting to get to know him.

But conversely, there will be some women who hate the idea of a coffee or park walk because it is cliché and/or doesn't show much effort.

Each to their own :)

The best part with this is that if a guy 'asks' for suggestions, he'd probably be slammed for not being decisive or 'manly' enough, and many on MN would be completely turned off, claiming he needs mothering or some rubbish.

Having been on a bazzillion first dates, can I recommend a noncommittal cup of tea or coffee? Yes, it's rather uninspired but in my experience a pre-date date was a good way of weeding out the wheat from the chaff without investing too much.

Having said that, from those activities I think I'd conclude that he wasn't for me. He sounds a bit OTT (for me).

I think they sound really fun. A good distraction, gives you something to laugh about, chat about etc. and if it’s going well you can go for a drink/food after to laugh about how silly you looked.
But that’s not for you up and that’s fine. Hopefully you’ll both find someone better suited.

Please don't go on a countryside walk or anything else without other folks around if you've never met in person before. I think these ideas sound quite thoughtful in that they're active and fun, but clearly in a setting with other people there, so you won't be alone together. But if they don't sound like your idea of fun, then you're right not to pretend.

sounds like fun

Oh do go! Having been on so many funking dull dates / this would be one to remember !!

Archery is great fun, and I'd love to try axe throwing. Not so much batting cages or badminton though, don't think I'd want to get all sweaty and red faced on a first date.

But if they're not for you then YANBU as you are clearly not compatible so you've saved yourself some time.

God, I can think of nothing worse. Plus, it's all a bit controlling.

You make the reasonable suggestion of a more relaxed 'getting to know you' date, and he comes up with badminton.

Fuck that, really.

Good grief, NO! Axe throwing🤣 I like a unique person too but these are just too much!

More of a spear chucking kind of girl are we?

I’d quite fancy the archery. Unusual first date material though for sure, mind you me and my OH had a romantic stroll around the graveyard, so…

Yes, totally agree with this.

Not on a first date. I personally only ever meet for a coffee on a first date, at lunchtime on a working day so it’s time limited. You know after the first few minutes if it has potential.

They sound like fun ideas - badminton of the other hand, nope

I would love to go Axe throwing. Send him
My way!