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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

First date AIBU?

83 replies

Thalia31 · 22/02/2024 21:58

So I haven't been dated since 2009, as I'm recently separated I'm in my 30’s.

I met a guy online and for our first date he gave me a choice of three activities.

  1. Axe throwing
  2. Archery
  3. Batting cage

I said I didn't find them first-date material, I said I would like to do something where we can talk and get to know each other a bit better he then suggested badminton. I do enjoy the outdoors but I found the choices strange, I ultimately declined AIBU is this a normal first date suggestion.

OP posts:
StringTheory1 · 22/02/2024 22:43

I’d be put off by any bloke who gave me a drop-down list of 3 pre-approved (by him) items from which I was to choose. It’s bizarrely one-sided, and smacks of someone who doesn’t grasp equal collaboration and discourse.

He’d be immediately in the bin for that kind of shit, regardless of what the date activity suggestions were.

2chocolateoranges · 22/02/2024 22:44

I think they sound like a fun first date.

either Eve throwing or archery sounds a good date to have fun, chat and have a laugh.

ThisHonestQuail · 22/02/2024 22:44

Those are all really great first date ideas I think! Although I can appreciate some people prefer more low key “get to know you” coffee type dates.

Firefly1987 · 22/02/2024 22:48

I'm surprised he didn't mention a gun range...wouldn't be my thing at all but then I'm not the most "adventurous" type. I only heard about axe throwing a couple weeks ago on the news. If not for that I would've thought he was joking about taking you axe throwing! If you're into that stuff great, if not it sounds like a non-starter.

ThisHonestQuail · 22/02/2024 22:49

StringTheory1 · 22/02/2024 22:43

I’d be put off by any bloke who gave me a drop-down list of 3 pre-approved (by him) items from which I was to choose. It’s bizarrely one-sided, and smacks of someone who doesn’t grasp equal collaboration and discourse.

He’d be immediately in the bin for that kind of shit, regardless of what the date activity suggestions were.

I feel like it’s normal to suggest dates you enjoy, no? And it’s not like OP has any better ideas!

Ladybyrd · 22/02/2024 22:52

JMSA · 22/02/2024 22:17

God, I can think of nothing worse. Plus, it's all a bit controlling.

You make the reasonable suggestion of a more relaxed 'getting to know you' date, and he comes up with badminton.

Fuck that, really.

Quite.

MyFirstLittlePony · 22/02/2024 22:55

Oh I'd be up for all of that 🤣 much more fun than a contrived supposedly romantic dinner date

usernother · 22/02/2024 22:59

I wouldn't consider the first meeting with anyone from OLD to be a date. I'd always suggest a time limited coffee. Just to be on the safe side. That said, his suggestions do sound fun.

samestyle · 22/02/2024 23:07

Yanbu it's too full on for a first date, besides I wouldn't respond well to it having to be all his choices upfront, he's likely to be bossy and controlling.

SOxon · 22/02/2024 23:10

He is well into The Vikings and interviewing for his own Lagertha

whatsappdoc · 22/02/2024 23:13

Is he just working down the alphabet? 2nd date cricket, croquet or darts etc? Agree with others, a time limited coffee or pub lunch first date then maybe a sports date if you hit it off.

Maddy70 · 22/02/2024 23:13

I would love those. activities. No time for awkward silences but if youre finding them off putting maybe he isnt the one for you

Maddy70 · 22/02/2024 23:13

I would love those. activities. No time for awkward silences but if youre finding them off putting maybe he isnt the one for you

WandaWonder · 22/02/2024 23:17

StringTheory1 · 22/02/2024 22:43

I’d be put off by any bloke who gave me a drop-down list of 3 pre-approved (by him) items from which I was to choose. It’s bizarrely one-sided, and smacks of someone who doesn’t grasp equal collaboration and discourse.

He’d be immediately in the bin for that kind of shit, regardless of what the date activity suggestions were.

Sure people can think of it that way I would think of it is a chance to try something new, get to know each other and I would come up with my own 3 ideas for next time if there was going to be one

but of course it is best to squeeze out of everything a man does as bad and controlling

Terfosaurus · 22/02/2024 23:20

Axe throwing and archery sound fab to me. I have no idea what a batting cage is though.

Send him my way Wink

WandaWonder · 22/02/2024 23:21

Terfosaurus · 22/02/2024 23:20

Axe throwing and archery sound fab to me. I have no idea what a batting cage is though.

Send him my way Wink

I was thinking cricket

Letsgetouttahere2023 · 22/02/2024 23:23

TheNameIsDickDarlington · 22/02/2024 22:05

Oh, I think those sound like really fun ideas! I think an activity for a first date would be lovely, many people won't want to do dinner or coffee, might not drink (or want to get drunk with a strange man) so I think those are good suggestions.

But as PP said, if the suggestion of those things puts you off, then you're probably not well matched.

This.

To me he sounds like he's willing to put effort into it, which I think is respectful

CheeseSandwichRiskAssessment · 22/02/2024 23:24

Neither of you were wrong, you just have different styles. That said I would find his suggestions off-putting.

ancienticecream · 22/02/2024 23:24

Archery and axe throwing sound fun but I guess you'd need a third person to initiate the sessions, which wouldn't be the best. Assuming batting cage means cricket, then that's a strange option (and I like cricket!).

Something like mini-golf would be more first date appropriate. It's an activity, but there's no interference from anyone else.

CharliesAngels81 · 22/02/2024 23:25

Coffee dates are so low key and show no effort no wonder many fail at the first stage.

Go for something and enjoy it

TheCadoganArms · 22/02/2024 23:35

CharliesAngels81 · 22/02/2024 23:25

Coffee dates are so low key and show no effort no wonder many fail at the first stage.

Go for something and enjoy it

OLD is a bit of a numbers game and I am certainly not giving up my weekends for a first date. I would rather a midweek post work drink or lunchtime coffee as a pre date filter before pulling out the stops.

Linlithgow · 22/02/2024 23:36

Awful 😂

Nantescalling · 22/02/2024 23:40

Why don't you suggest something back like bowling or paintballing or just going for a meal??

TheFireflies · 22/02/2024 23:51

JMSA · 22/02/2024 22:17

God, I can think of nothing worse. Plus, it's all a bit controlling.

You make the reasonable suggestion of a more relaxed 'getting to know you' date, and he comes up with badminton.

Fuck that, really.

Controlling 😂

The guy has made some suggestions. If it’s not for you, then fine - make alternative suggestions or just accept you’re into different things and it won’t work.

sweeneytoddsrazor · 23/02/2024 00:05

Batting cage is baseball isn't it? I think they are great ideas. All done in public so safe you can talk whilst you are doing them, although I probably couldn't breath let alone talk if I was chasing around a badminton court. Its really not much different to going bowling and it will be time limited anyway so you can make a get away after an hour or so.