First date AIBU?

[Thalia31]

So I haven't been dated since 2009, as I'm recently separated I'm in my 30’s.

I met a guy online and for our first date he gave me a choice of three activities.

1. Axe throwing
2. Archery
3. Batting cage

I said I didn't find them first-date material, I said I would like to do something where we can talk and get to know each other a bit better he then suggested badminton. I do enjoy the outdoors but I found the choices strange, I ultimately declined AIBU is this a normal first date suggestion.

If you're 65 or in a pandemic again.

Did you actually suggest something more specific you'd like to do at any point, or did you just reject his first three ideas, be a bit vague, and somehow expect him to come up with a fourth you'd like?

You're coming across as super high maintenance. Do you even know if you don't like the activities or is it just you don't like the idea of them? Presumably they would also all include time getting to know each other, it just means you're doing something other than sipping drinks for three hours straight.

Controlling?! 😅
Have a day off

Oh god these all sound nightmarish, not to mention boring! I hate "activity"/"active" dates and prefer drinks/coffee as 1) I like to dress up and keep my hair and makeup in place and 2) I need to be able to make my excuses and get away from the bloke ASAP if he's unattractive/boring IRL! This malarkey that activity dates help you to get to know the guy better and give him more of a chance wouldn't work with me.

These are fun ideas and geared to relaxing and laughing together.

Yawn

I'd give the axe throwing a go.

Sounds good to me! I think a dinner etc. is a bit too ínstense for a first date so I'd rather have some fun and keep busy!

Axe throwing
• Archery
• Batting cage

Sounds awful
Not sure what a batting cage is

Go for a drink instead

How long do people think these activities last. Axe throwing is an hour with 2 people, our closest batting cage is booked for 30 minute sessions , archery is usually an hour session.

All the choices sound really boring. Like a reality show cringey date activity, and he watched a show and got ideas from that.

YANBU Those particular activities all sound shit. I think an activity for 2nd or 3rd date is good. But for the 1st date, it should just be coffee so you can chat a bit and make your excuses early if needed.

It sounds like he's maybe been on so many dates, he's bored to tears. Or has no idea how to date and is intimidated by the prospect of meeting you. Either way, don't bother.

I wonder why you read a gender element into it? My thoughts weren’t based on male / female dynamics. They were based on my thoughts about reasonable, healthy & effective two-way human interaction.

I think he sounds fun!!! I did axe throwing on a first date. It was a blast.

I think they are much better ideas for a date than a meal. You get a much better picture of what he's really like.

The person who came up with the idea on the original post was male I believe

He's making it clear from the start that this is the kind of thing he's into.
Would you feel the same if someone said
Pub
Cinema
Cafe

I'm no big fan of 'dating' as in a series of meetings in order get to know a perfect stranger, and agree with PP that a 30min coffee in a public place is plenty for an initial meet up.

Are these suggestions for the very first time you meet each other or have you had an initial 'screening' low key meet up (or might you know each other already as friends or acquaintances ) and are looking to actually have a first date.

That would change things massively for me.

Yup. I prefer to have discursive conversation which goes along the lines of:

“what kind of thing are you into, for first dates?”

“I prefer x/y/z”

”Oh I prefer a/b/c”

”Haha, we seem to be liking different things here!”

”Well shall we compromise and say L?”

”Or how about M/N/O?”

”M sounds a great compromise - see you on Weds at 6pm”

I'd think he's trying to weed out fat/unhealthy women.

Is there any reason why you were sitting back letting him choose instead of making a suggestion yourself?

Nothing wrong with him showing you who he is as soon as possible. It's more interesting than the generic coffee/pub (which surely everyone on OLD is sick to death of anyway). Those activities are fairly standard, it's OK to be into them and it's OK not to be into them. If they're a total turn-off to you then neither of you have to waste time on each other - result. Personally they're not up my street but I'm not averse to trying something new and if I liked the look of him I'd go for the axe throwing, anything that gets frustration out is a good thing. Archery would be out as I'm too competitive but I'd also be terrible at it, so I'd end up sulking. Never heard of batting cages before and they look boring.

Not sure how much conversation or discussion took place before he suggested them (ie was the ball obviously in his court to make a suggestion, or did he come out with these activities without giving you a chance to make suggestions of your own) but if his vibe was a bit bossy, that's another good thing to know upfront.

Perfectly normal first date ideas. He’s trying to switch it up from just going for a drink or dinner and it’s quite usual.

Best rule for dating is to not commit a lot of time and effort and money to a first date to someone you've never met.

Drinks or a coffee is perfect first date material because if you don't fancy him or click, there's an easy out and bit hours of some activity you're stuck doing with a person you don't like.

You did the right thing. I feel people who want to do activities with a stranger the first time they meet them are people who are quite naive OR struggle with connection OR just lonely and want something to do more than meet someone.

That's why first round job interviews are a short informal chat not a full on 3 hour assessment centre or interview.

There’s a place near us that has all of those indoors (plus more) and there’s a bar, food etc too. I think his suggestions are fine, it’ll be a laugh and break the ice. Equally if it’s not your bag that’s fine too…just tell him.