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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

National Trust visit spoilt by overzealous staff or AIBU?

415 replies

Sunshineismyfavourite · 20/02/2024 21:16

Visited a beautiful NT country house today. Huge 17th century house with Capability Brown landscaped parkland. The house has lots of art by Van Dyck - one of my favourite artists and I was really looking forward to spending a couple of hours with DH wandering around in the beautiful spaces enjoying the peace and quiet. However, every time I stopped to look at a painting one of the staff would come up to me and start talking. This happened several times in every room we wandered into. I totally get the enthusiasm and expertise of the staff but I wasn't really interested in hearing about the Civil War etc., I just wanted to enjoy the paintings in peace. We do visit NT properties occasionally but have never found this to be a problem before.
The staff just seemed to be unable to read my body language as I was trying to walk away or indicate that I didn't want to talk or listen to them by not responding or engaging with them. Short of telling them to shut up it was impossible.
It was a very quiet day with not many visitors so they were probably bored but it was way too much for us.
AIBU by being a miserable bugger (I know I'm quite unsociable at times) or should I be allowed to wander round in peace? Perhaps they should give out 'don't talk to me' badges with the tickets if you want to be left in peace!

OP posts:
PickledPurplePickle · 20/02/2024 21:18

Why didn't you just ask them politely to let you look at the paintings in silence?

Wbeezer · 20/02/2024 21:21

I had this happen recently, I ended up leaving polite DH to listen while I scurried off. It's my job to read all the labels and then tell DH all the interesting facts I've discovered, if someone else does it it spoils my fun!

1smallhamsterfoot · 20/02/2024 21:21

Act like an adult use your words and say something?!?

sharptoothlemonshark · 20/02/2024 21:23

"Im fine, thank you - I am just enjoying the peace and quiet to look on my own"

SomethingDifferentt · 20/02/2024 21:23

Yanbu.

We recently had similar at a NT property.

Ours was a two hour guided tour. So you'd go to a room/area, they'd give you a 5 minute talk about it and some of the key history and pieces in the room (great). Then they give you a few minutes to look around.

Except every time, it seemed that we were set upon during the 'quiet time' by someone eager to explain or give more background into whatever we looked at.

By the end I was nervous to even so much as pause in front of a painting for fear of having it explained to me.

Aquamarine1029 · 20/02/2024 21:26

sharptoothlemonshark · 20/02/2024 21:23

"Im fine, thank you - I am just enjoying the peace and quiet to look on my own"

I would have said pretty much exactly this. If you don't advocate for yourself, no one else will.

SomethingDifferentt · 20/02/2024 21:30

"Im fine, thank you - I am just enjoying the peace and quiet to look on my own"

Ah...see, the thing is this is more the response you'd give if someone approaches you in a shop and asks if they can help. No problem in declining there.

This is so much more difficult to rebuff though. No ones asking you if they can help. They just wander up and look at what you're viewing and say 'Oh it's fascinating isn't it? So detailed, hard to imagine someone carving away for years to get this completed! I don't know if you noticed but just down here on the right hand side...'

And off they go. I'm not the shy and retiring type but it really is so awkward and difficult to stop without being horrendously rude!

TheCountessofFitzdotterel · 20/02/2024 21:34

NT room stewards are the absolute worst for this and ime it is something people can be trained better on, so it is worth feeding back to the house managers.

LordSnot · 20/02/2024 21:35

It's not their fault you refused to use your words instead of expecting them to read body language.

SecondHandFurniture · 20/02/2024 21:36

SomethingDifferentt · 20/02/2024 21:30

"Im fine, thank you - I am just enjoying the peace and quiet to look on my own"

Ah...see, the thing is this is more the response you'd give if someone approaches you in a shop and asks if they can help. No problem in declining there.

This is so much more difficult to rebuff though. No ones asking you if they can help. They just wander up and look at what you're viewing and say 'Oh it's fascinating isn't it? So detailed, hard to imagine someone carving away for years to get this completed! I don't know if you noticed but just down here on the right hand side...'

And off they go. I'm not the shy and retiring type but it really is so awkward and difficult to stop without being horrendously rude!

Yes, exactly. They don't ask if you would like to hear more. They just go for it!

PennysLane · 20/02/2024 21:36

Wear headphones. With no music. People leave you alone. It’s awesome.

MintTwirl · 20/02/2024 21:36

It sounds like my local NT place!

saltinesandcoffeecups · 20/02/2024 21:38

SecondHandFurniture · 20/02/2024 21:36

Yes, exactly. They don't ask if you would like to hear more. They just go for it!

It doesn’t mean you can’t still use the phrase. If you’re that worried drop the “I’m fine”.

WimpoleHat · 20/02/2024 21:43

My DD loves - and is incredibly knowledgeable about - history. She dreads going to any of the NT properties because some undoubtedly well meaning volunteer will try to press children’s trails upon her, or ask if she’s counted mice and just talk to her like she’s about seven. They mean well (and, to be fair, many of these places wouldn’t be open without them), but they can be bloody irritating at times! If it helps, I’ve found the best strategy is to buy a guidebook and read it to my kids in performative fashion, which tends to put off any of the enquiries about dressing up etc! Harder if you’re on your own though!

Mistralli · 20/02/2024 21:44

Have had this issue, but other times have been told really interesting information and anecdotes.

I find volunteers can be hard work in general though as they don't have a customer focus. When visiting properties now, with a pushchair, I obviously don't expect to be able to push it all a house with potentially fragile floors. But I don't expect volunteers to insist I leave it outside in the rain because they can't possibly have a folded pushchair temporarily left on the veranda of their ticket she'd, or tucked inside an entrance hall. Oh no! That space is for ... well ... they had to really think about it ... people to stand and wait!?

(Wait while they faff about, is that.)

It's really putting me off days out at NT places with the baby, to be honest.

RawBloomers · 20/02/2024 21:45

I have had this at some NT sites and museums. I was flummoxed ant first but now I interrupt and say “Thank you, but I prefer to look by myself.” Which is a bit on the brusque side but clear.

It’s still annoying to have to do it in every room you go into, but overall it’s better than feeling like you’ve been run over at the end of a visit.

I agree with a previous poster that reading people’s body language and giving space for a polite decline is something that room stewards or docents could (and should) be trained on.

Stillnormal · 20/02/2024 21:48

Don’t talk to me badges (or ear defenders?) are an excellent idea for places like this - some people love to hear all about it and need welcoming into spaces like this I think and made to feel at ease that way, others completely the opposite. Hard for volunteers to know I guess - badges would stop people having to be rude or awkward.

SarahAndQuack · 20/02/2024 21:49

It is tricky. I think @TheCountessofFitzdotterel is right about giving feedback.

I recently went to an historic building - not NT - where the woman who came to talk to us was absolutely brilliant. She knew all sorts of details about the rooms, and she understood how to engage with my six-year-old daughter, and she was bursting over with suggestions about what else we should look for as we went through the building. But, the one thing she didn't know was how to suss when people wanted to move on. I kept trying to hint, gently, that we could go now; several parties of people moved through and moved on. She really, really wanted to tell us absolutely everything she knew! No amount of 'ooh how fascinating, we're moving on now' stopped her.

TheCountessofFitzdotterel · 20/02/2024 21:50

The visitor shouldn’t have to ask to be left alone- imo (and I have room stewarded, not for NT) the onus should be on room steward to use their basic social skills to respond to the visitor’s cues. It’s really not hard!
When the visitor comes in you can make some minor comment about the room which serves as a signal you are there and happy to chat. Then either they respond monosyllabically which clearly signals they don’t want to have a conversation, in which case you smile and leave them the fuck alone, or they respond further, maybe with a question, and a conversation develops.

coldcallerbaiter · 20/02/2024 21:52

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PSEnny · 20/02/2024 21:53

I’ve had this, just trying to look around in peace and they just start talking! It feels rude to stop them mid sentence! I get that they are knowledgeable and want to pass this on but some places I’ve been to loads and have heard it before. I wish they would just say ‘If you’d like information about anything in the room please ask’ and then wait to be asked!

TheCountessofFitzdotterel · 20/02/2024 21:53

Mistralli · 20/02/2024 21:44

Have had this issue, but other times have been told really interesting information and anecdotes.

I find volunteers can be hard work in general though as they don't have a customer focus. When visiting properties now, with a pushchair, I obviously don't expect to be able to push it all a house with potentially fragile floors. But I don't expect volunteers to insist I leave it outside in the rain because they can't possibly have a folded pushchair temporarily left on the veranda of their ticket she'd, or tucked inside an entrance hall. Oh no! That space is for ... well ... they had to really think about it ... people to stand and wait!?

(Wait while they faff about, is that.)

It's really putting me off days out at NT places with the baby, to be honest.

That’s not the volunteers’ fault! They don’t set policy on pushchairs.

WimpoleHat · 20/02/2024 21:53

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🤣🤣🤣🤣

VickyEadieofThigh · 20/02/2024 21:54

My partner and I were once pursued by a very annoying volunteer at the 'prison' bit of York's Castle museum. We kept moving away and he kept following us, around ea h room and from room to room, totally spoiling our enjoyment. In the end, we just legged it.

Floralnomad · 20/02/2024 21:54

That’s what the volunteers are for , all you needed to do was ask them to leave you alone .

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