National Trust visit spoilt by overzealous staff or AIBU?

[Sunshineismyfavourite]

Visited a beautiful NT country house today. Huge 17th century house with Capability Brown landscaped parkland. The house has lots of art by Van Dyck - one of my favourite artists and I was really looking forward to spending a couple of hours with DH wandering around in the beautiful spaces enjoying the peace and quiet. However, every time I stopped to look at a painting one of the staff would come up to me and start talking. This happened several times in every room we wandered into. I totally get the enthusiasm and expertise of the staff but I wasn't really interested in hearing about the Civil War etc., I just wanted to enjoy the paintings in peace. We do visit NT properties occasionally but have never found this to be a problem before.
The staff just seemed to be unable to read my body language as I was trying to walk away or indicate that I didn't want to talk or listen to them by not responding or engaging with them. Short of telling them to shut up it was impossible.
It was a very quiet day with not many visitors so they were probably bored but it was way too much for us.
AIBU by being a miserable bugger (I know I'm quite unsociable at times) or should I be allowed to wander round in peace? Perhaps they should give out 'don't talk to me' badges with the tickets if you want to be left in peace!

Or maybe, as in my case, it’s because I’m an architect and adore the building I will start volunteering in soon and want to ensure it’s preserved. My volunteering means there’s more money for the NT to pay for its preservation.

Most volunteers are NT members that are more than happy to give up their free time to a charity they support.
Thats not to say I don’t disagree with OPs comments though. I absolutely do agree that volunteers should wait to be asked a question

I think the lonely old people comment is rude.

The volunteers are normally a bit more self aware at properties we have visited. But then, I'm with my historian husband who will talk at length to the room stewards and hurrying him up is my main issue!

But it reminds me of taking my mum to a nice Hockney exhibition in the Holburne museum in bath. Someone working there was lecturing everyone who paused for a moment about possible sexual innuendo in the paintings. He clearly was trying to shock the largely older visitors and was making people so uncomfortable. It would have been funny, but he definitely seemed to enjoy upsetting some of the older ladies. It seemed very rude when the visitors clearly were not keen to engage.

It’s a bit weird how often people are telling adults to ‘use their words’ recently. I’m wondering if they lean over and cut up people’s meals in restaurants too.

Yep, but when you need to stop a steward on every room it ends up ruining the visit anyway.

Even better, stick a hijab on and they'll just assume you don't speak English and smile awkwardly at you instead. No one ever tries to talk to me, but if another visitor comes into the room they immediately get 'attacked'!

It would annoy me but I also feel sorry for them - in these roles management always want staff to be seen to be engaging with visitors. They don't want them standing around. Managers dont have to bother doing it so they either don't care or are totally unaware of how intrusive it can be. Sometimes I don't mind chatting. But if I did mind I'd politely make it clear I want to wander around in silence

It’s a bit weird how often people are telling adults to ‘use their words’ recently. I’m wondering if they lean over and cut up people’s meals in restaurants too.

It’s nowhere near as weird as the amount of people who seem incapable of speaking up for themselves. If adults did indeed ‘use their words’, a lot of the threads posted on here wouldn’t exist. Are these people who are so used to communicating via keyboard they’ve forgotten how to interact in real life?

Absolutely this!
It feels like this thread has been taken over by a cabal of nursery teachers.

As for the National Trust, the volunteers have always been like this. I just pretend I’m in a Victoria Wood sketch and try to go with the flow.

But yes, it can be a pain if you just want a bit of peace.

It’s just the phrase is so twee!

Glad I’m not the only one! Great idea of imagining you’re in a Victoria Wood sketch, that could be useful in life in general.

@ThrowMeABonio It definitely is 🤣

^This. Preferably noise cancelling :-)

YABU for whining on here about it instead of politely letting them know you’d like to enjoy some quiet 🙄

Yes, it’s ideal when people pick up more subtle cues like body language, but sometimes we need to use our words like grown ups.

I was going to say, I bet this is Petworth! I’ve been collared there too but actually I loved it and they told me lots of interesting things that I didn’t know and it really brought it to life.
The guide at Uppark was also really good.
However my favourite ones are not at an NT place but at Brooklands where they are so knowledgeable, keen and easy to spot when they have a keen nerd (my son) and when to stop talking and when to talk even more.

I think this is what people don’t always seem to understand: that there are occasions when using your words is rude. Even if the words are polite it’s rude. In theory it’s not a problem. In practice it makes for a very awkward visit thus ruining it anyway.

Totally agree - if I was forced to "use my words" in the way it's being suggested even once, it would probably ruin the trip for me. Being forced to do it multiple times would definitely ruin it for me. We don't all have the personality type to do this without the brain ruminating on it for days afterwards and wondering if we've hurt someone's feelings when they were trying to do something nice.

Training the volunteers to simply ask, “is there anything you’d like to know?” would surely solve this?
Agree on both the headphones and the Victoria Wood tactic!

I have seen ‘use your words’ so often on here. It’s patronising and most often breezes past the social awkwardness of the potential exchange without acknowledging that it can be both tedious and draining to even mildly ‘confront’… and most people smile and nod instead.

"Whining about it on here"? That's a very rude response to someone simply 'using their words' on MN to raise an issue that she thinks (rightly) that others may have experienced too.

I'm surprised at the number of posters who claim not to understand that it is socially difficult to interrupt a volunteer and indicate that you don't welcome their little talk.
Most people find it hard to say anything like "Sorry, but I'd rather enjoy the room in peace" and will spend a lot of time and mental energy giving a polite ear and sending micro-signals of wanting to be left alone before they can bring themselves to say something that could be heard as hurtful.
I'm sure that the OP would, like most of us, be able to use those words eventually, but her point is that it isn't just one or two socially inept (or poorly trained) volunteers that are pushing to that point, It is happening routinely, so that you find yourself pushed towards socially awkward brusqueness again and again.
Completely reasonable to find that a problem and to enquire about others' experiences. The thread indicates that the NT probably should be pitching their volunteer training differently.

Or constructive criticism could be taken on board.

it’s not a visitors job to teach adult volunteers subtle social skills.

You've actually written this? Would you say 'no Engleesh', in ecactly the way you have written it, to a foreigner?

Love the people passive aggressively saying ‘maybe they should pay them and put up the entrance fee’ as if the National Trust’s use of volunteers currently makes it a highly affordable day out 😂

Thing is I am quite capable of using my words, it doesn’t mean I don’t find it a pain in the arse to keep repeating myself every time I go into a new room

Just because you “know” about architecture doesn’t mean I want to speak to you 🤣. I don’t doubt the volunteer knowledge, I do doubt some of their social skills, and the fact most put their own desire for conversation above what visitors obviously want.

I mean I use the word “conversation” in most cases it is very one sided! When someone has listened to you for two or three minutes and hasn’t asked one question, get the message and release the hostage.

Something may be rude and still be true….

Reading this is really really sad.

Annoying AF, yanbu.
My pet hate is printed activities for children like ‘treasure hunts’ that seem to dictate the entire day.