National Trust visit spoilt by overzealous staff or AIBU?

[Sunshineismyfavourite]

Visited a beautiful NT country house today. Huge 17th century house with Capability Brown landscaped parkland. The house has lots of art by Van Dyck - one of my favourite artists and I was really looking forward to spending a couple of hours with DH wandering around in the beautiful spaces enjoying the peace and quiet. However, every time I stopped to look at a painting one of the staff would come up to me and start talking. This happened several times in every room we wandered into. I totally get the enthusiasm and expertise of the staff but I wasn't really interested in hearing about the Civil War etc., I just wanted to enjoy the paintings in peace. We do visit NT properties occasionally but have never found this to be a problem before.
The staff just seemed to be unable to read my body language as I was trying to walk away or indicate that I didn't want to talk or listen to them by not responding or engaging with them. Short of telling them to shut up it was impossible.
It was a very quiet day with not many visitors so they were probably bored but it was way too much for us.
AIBU by being a miserable bugger (I know I'm quite unsociable at times) or should I be allowed to wander round in peace? Perhaps they should give out 'don't talk to me' badges with the tickets if you want to be left in peace!

My grandma was - until recently - a NT volunteer for years. The description of trying to get her to shut up makes me laugh. I adore her, she is a unique and fascinating woman but she don't half like talking! Even her family struggle to stop her mid flow so heaven knows how a stranger would

It's not just NT of course. I was at Hever last summer with a friend and when l looked around for her, a steward was talking at her about how aliens built the pyramids!

And yes, the phrase 'use your words' is - imo - used in an attempt to belittle someone by making them feel about three years old and so I often suspect the user is probably more keen to appear mean than actually help.

I think the NT should have two boxes of badges at the entrance to stately homes. In one box, the badges could say something like "Yes place, room guys, I'm up for heritage chat", and in the other box something like "Let me enjoy the dead in peace".
There could be a small charge to cover the cost.
Eventually the leave-me-the-fuck-alone badges would become cult objects that people paid £££ for on eBay. The NT could start selling William Morris adorned decorative versions of them in its gift shops, which would be a real money spinner for them.

Is it the new Mumsnet favourite phrase? Never read it so much and I’m picturing very snippy people with cats bum mouths saying it 😂

I think lanyards are a great idea. But it’s totally fine to interrupt and say ‘I’d prefer to look around on my own, thank you’ - but the lanyards would stop you having to say it to multiple people or would help people who have anxiety etc.

Even if I really was three, I would find "use your words" idiotic and patronising. People who want to be scathing on MN need to find a better catchphrase.

I've said YABU because I think there are polite ways of actually asking someone to leave you to it rather than expecting them to read body language. However it does sound a bit much. Although I'd personally like it! (not the point of course)

That wouk
ld irk me. It will be because they're all volunteers, so are really keen and want to talk about their subject. I work at a heritage destination that isn't NT so has paid employees, and they watch to see if people seem to want to ask a question, or approach them and ask a question.
Telling each member of staff in each room that you're just looking and don't want to chat woukd be tiresome and enough to ruin a trip too.YANBU.

Seriously you're an adult, just tell them politely?! They've probably had a complaint from someone else that they weren't attentive enough. Nobody can do right anymore in this blame and complain culture...

It's so simple. The volunteers should be trained to start with "Would you like some more information?" Before launching into it. That would solve all of the problems on this thread.

Chawton House is good but I’ve just checked and it’s not NT. Volunteers are lovely and helpful, and whisked me off to the best spot in the house to feed three-week-old DS. Left people well alone unless you actively sought them out with a question (or a small whinging baby).

Great idea!

Yes this. It's so patronising.

It’s patronising. I can’t imagine anyone using the phrase in real life except to a toddler, or is it the new MN buzz phrase that the cool girls use who try to fit in 😂

Some houses are worse than others, but this is definitely something we’ve experienced too. It’s worse when you have small children with you and they still do it, while ignoring the small child who’s desperate to move on. We once had an actual screaming toddler we were trying to evacuate and a lady came over to tell us about the paintings. I really did have to “use my words” for that one!

Gave up on NT properties a while ago due to the hard sell on membership every time we went. The obsession with restoring every property regardless of cost does not sit well with me.

It is exactly the latter. Same way as a few years back people were always going ‘Are you on glue?’ because they thought it was funny.
It might be that due to lockdowns and the rise of screen time causing deteriorating social skills people are having more issues than previously that could be solved by speaking up, but that’s not always the answer and snide, patronising catchphrases aren’t going to help.

One single person up thread used ‘use your words’ and then the OP got offended and repeated it - then about 10 people went off on one about it saying how loads of people keep saying it 😂 it’s hardly a mumsnet epidemic is it.

most other people legitimately said the OP should politely tell the volunteer to leave them alone. That isn’t infantilising or whatever, it’s true.

And I suspect people who say ‘use your words’ are either too used to saying it to their children (I thinks it’s a patronising phrase actually - even to kids) or are trying to be rude like pp suggested.

Exactly, why don’t they just say let me know if you want any information. You get cornered in what’s sometimes a very small room . It’s worse as they are usually volunteers I think so that would make saying no more rude.

🤣🤣🤣

We love the gardens of NT properties, and generally have a lower tolerance for the houses. We went into one house last weekend, and we enjoyed having a look around, but at one point we were about to go into a small room with a hovering volunteer - we turned around instead 😳.

I think it can be great to be given more info when you want it, but it needs to be offered, rather than just given no matter what.

Exactly. Volunteering is a two way street, the volunteer gets something out of it as does the organisation , it’s not totally altruistic.

I appreciate being given information by the guides, but I can see it's not for everyone. Perhaps you could suggest introducing a badge visitors could wear if they don't want this, something like "Just soaking up the atmosphere".

This.

"Thank you - I appreciate you're wanting to be helpful, but this is my favourite painter and I just want to look and enjoy. But can I come back to you later if there's anything I think of that I'd like a bit of background to?"

My SIL was one of those. I'll pass on your feedback

I've been on retreat before and adopted a similar idea that I saw other people use; a notice saying "I am in silence. Thank you". People then don't approach to chat.