MILs family ski trip

[Distressed2023]

DH's and I have two little girls, aged 3 and 8 months. His mother has invited her whole family including kids, partners and family skiing after xmas 2024 (27 Dec - 2nd Jan ish) offering to pay for flights and accommodation for everyone (very generous, I know). I saw a snippet of the invite email, the baby and I didn't appear to be included (this would not be the first time). DH assured me he wasn't prepared to go without us (4 days ago). However, something has changed. This morning he said he had looked at all the costs and options (we would need to pay for our own ski passes, ski school and gear rental) and couldn't make it work for all of us, so he proposed just he and toddler go. I became pretty upset to say the least. I was so upset that he'd even entertain the idea of leaving me and baby here for 6 days over the Xmas break when we get so little time as a family. I feel so hurt. AIBU?

No. If you can’t afford for the whole family to go, then no-one goes.

I doubt your toddler would ski much anyway, most skischools teach from 4/5 up with younger kids in a kindergarten with snow play and maybe the odd short session with games on skis. Do you normally ski? Is there a reason she wants to do this holiday now?

Hell no, you all go as a family or noone goes. Mil is an arsehole if she has specifically excluded you and gc’s and no her other dils/sils and gcs

Absolutely not. Concerning how he sees nothing wrong with thus and would likely rather upset you than mummy dearest. Also sounds like she's trying to commandeer his time knowing full well your situation. I'd make things very difficult for him at home until he comes to his senses.

I can see why you are hurt.

I’ve been on similar family trips. Not everyone went skiing, but the whole family attended and shared non-ski activities.

im wondering if your DH doesn’t want you to come because if you do, he will have to take turns watching the children so you can ski.

Absolutely not! Why is he happy to spend Christmas away from half of his family? That would be utterly non negotiable for me. And I know my husband would never consider it.

His mother has invited her whole family including kids, partners and family skiing
If the MIL has invited the whole family surely by default you are included in the invite??
However - if as a family unit you cannot afford the extras like ski school etc then none of you go. Your husband is a bit selfish to even suggest he go alone.

There must be some backstory to this, why wouldn’t she invite you?

3 is usually too young for ski school.

Regardless, there is clearly a whole back story here and mil obviously doesn't like you.

Personally I'd suggest he took the toddler and the baby and I fucked off to Mauritius on my own...

Your DH doesn't have your back. I'm sorry.

What haven't you been included in before now? Do you ski? If you could afford it would you fancy it?

Regardless he's unreasonable. Leaving on your own (albeit with toddler) for new years is especially unreasonable.

Why haven't you been included before ?

What changed is he decided to be a wet blanket and submit to his mother's rules rather than stick up for you and your baby. What's the back story? Why doesn't she like you? I'd seriously be reconsidering this relationship if he can't grow a bit of a backbone.

Well my dh would only leave me once in those circumstances.

Is he proposing the 3yo (or will they be 4yo be then?) Spend the whole time in creche, or will another adult be looking after them? If anyone was to go, it would make more sense to take neither child...

But overall, it would be better 2 or 3 years for you all to go together.

I can see why you're upset. However if it's any consolation, we are literally just back from a ski holiday and DC the same age as yours currently are looked to be an absolute logistical nightmare. You may have dodged a bullet!

No, just no. Everyone goes or no one goes. Why should be left home alone especially at that time of year. He will be off living his best life -lots of sympathy as “Steve is parenting on his own” and plenty of babysitting by others family members. Thats before you even get to the expense

YANBU absolutely OP, however just as an aside ski schools in Austria do definitely take children from 3 years old. But you should definitely all go together or none of you go!

This is weird. We do a big annual family ski trip with DH’s family but everyone is always invited and when we mentioned it was tricky bringing kids of similar ages to yours (baby + preschooler) FIL jumped in and said they’d pay for a resort nanny and ski school, for all the children not just ours. Sorry but it sounds like a purposeful thing to exclude you, IDK whether that’s personal or financial but it’s pretty crappy.

This might be husbands next drip feed -he not actually taking any children with him

YABU in the sense that a skiing holiday is not the same thing as a city trip, beach trip or other type of holiday where everyone can relax and join in. If you can't ski, do not enjoy skiing and (obviously) will be tied to taking care of a baby then it's not unreasonable to skip the holiday. Conversely, it's not wholly unreasonable not to invite someone who will be tied up with a baby. Not skiing or just doing childcare on a skiing holiday is boring as fuck.

If it's just about the holiday itself, then you could also look forward to having a few days alone with just one child while the family takes care of the 3 yr old. We live in a country with easy access to ski resorts and it's very common for families to split up ski trips based on those who can and enjoy skiing vs those who need to care for small children or just don't like it. The setup you described would not raise any eyebrows if it's purely related to this one trip.

Obviously it sounds like there's a bigger back story here since you imply you've been left out of other trips as well. Reading between the lines, his family sounds extremely wealthy, both from the fact they can all ski and the willingness to pay for everyone's flight and accommodation. If you and DH cannot afford the passes and gear rental for two adults and a child then that doesn't sound ideal (altogether that would still be cheaper than any basic holiday within the UK). This must play some sort of role in the family dynamics.

I was literally about to say this

Are you sure you're actually not invited? Why would this be, and if so, why is your husband tolerating this?

Is your husband always this tied to his Mothers apron strings OP? Is there a backstory here?
Id be incredibly angry if my H was planning on leaving the our family over the Christmas/New Year Holidays.

Wow wow wow.

This would be an absolute hard no. What is going on in his brain???

separately, your MIL is something else… 😦