MILs family ski trip

[Distressed2023]

DH's and I have two little girls, aged 3 and 8 months. His mother has invited her whole family including kids, partners and family skiing after xmas 2024 (27 Dec - 2nd Jan ish) offering to pay for flights and accommodation for everyone (very generous, I know). I saw a snippet of the invite email, the baby and I didn't appear to be included (this would not be the first time). DH assured me he wasn't prepared to go without us (4 days ago). However, something has changed. This morning he said he had looked at all the costs and options (we would need to pay for our own ski passes, ski school and gear rental) and couldn't make it work for all of us, so he proposed just he and toddler go. I became pretty upset to say the least. I was so upset that he'd even entertain the idea of leaving me and baby here for 6 days over the Xmas break when we get so little time as a family. I feel so hurt. AIBU?

I would be telling DP that he is more than welcome to go on his own but no way is taking DC - if MIL wants her beloved GC to go then myself and baby go too or she can get stuffed!

How is your DP expecting to ski all day when he has a four year old to look after? Does MIL ski or is she planning on having a lovely week with your DC to herself without you?

I think a ski holiday with your age children would be miserable and better to wait until they are a little older. I think your options are let you DH go alone (although you are then are on your own for a week with two young children at Xmas time) or you all go and take turns skiing - but the cost of ski hire would still come into play or you all decline and say you would love to come in a few years when the kids are old enough.

You’ve married an awful man with an awful family. I’m sorry.

Let him go alone with his selfish family.

And you and the two wee ones stay at home and enjoy the Christmas break.

Don’t let them ruin your plans or your time with your children.

His mum’s a twat and so is he by the sounds of it.

Rental gear and passes for 2 adults and one child isn’t going to be a lot and you could alternate skiing. Ski school for 4 year old would be more, but still not a big cost. I would go but also seems weird that your DH thinks you can’t pay for the smaller costs for one adult additional basically. The 8 month old won’t be on skis by next Christmas!

Skiing with such young children will be a massive hassle. You can only ski if the other one looks after children or if grandparents generously mind them both while you have a little ski together. Even 3 is too young for ski school. Wait 3 more years and then all go together.

Tell him the four of you could spend that money to go on holiday together, so you'd rather do that instead.

Or, maybe he should stay home with the baby while you spend the ski-ing money on a trip for you and the 3 yr old; he can't mind that can he? Whats good for the goose is good for the gander.

But in short, he's a dick and of course he shouldn't go.

Do you know why you’re not invited? I think it’s weird that she would plan the trip and not Include you and would be very hurt in your position.
Given it’s Christmas I don’t think it’s fair for your husband to go and take your older child without you.

So is MIL paying for flights and accommodation for everyone else?
I can't see how it's massively more expensive if you go?
OH and toddler....two seats on plain, potentially share a bed. 2 sets of ski gear, plus childcare needed so OH can ski....or no ski gear, and they go but don't ski?
Alternative you go with baby two...only one extra seat on plane, one extra adult, can share room/bed with OH and toddler? If you ski its one extra set of ski gear but you and OH can share childcare, one skis morning one afternoon. If you don't ski there is no additional cost.

If I was MIL it would be everyone or no one

I’d suggest he go by himself. There’s no way I’d let my partner take my toddler away without me.

Wtf? If my DH would even consider leaving me and our child alone for Xmas I would go ballistic!!! That is not ok. At all.

Why do you think MIL left you out? And is your DH always so spineless?

I don't think DH is asking to go to please his DM. I think he knows full well that he would rather be off on his jollies for the Christmas break without you and a baby. No doubt he would have lots of help from family with the toddler as well. He's a cheeky fucker that doesn't give a shit about your feelings.

It's quite clear your MIL doesn't like you as well. What shitty people. I'm sorry OP.

I can understand your hurt. He sounds really selfish.

Ski passes are usually £350 in the alps. Ski rental around £150.

we took my older 2 skiing when ds was 4. The place we chose (in New Zealand) was one of the very few that allowed ski school for 4 years olds. Most of them start at 5. Younger than that is a daycare/creche type thing, unless you book private lessons. My 4 year old was amazing at skiing and first day loved it and loved his instructor. But next day got a different instructor and cried for the first one. Wasn’t actually that great an experience, lots of trying to convince him to go and him not wanting to. Older ds was 6 and did really well and loved it.

when we went to the snow with my dd when she was 4, we instead went to an alpine village, where the kids could play outside our chalet in the snow and toboggan. Then a couple days my boys and I went to the ski fields. Dh didn’t want to ski that trip so he stayed with dd. I had asked her and she went back and forth to try it and then decided no.

we went again when dd was 7 and she skied and loved it. I personally think that about 6 is a good age to actually ski and any younger better off just letting them toboggan and play in the snow.

You said you only saw a snippet of the invite email. Ask to see the whole thing, then at least you can judge the tone/content.

Then you need to have a word with your DH.

Horrible thing to do.

It sounds to me like DH wants to go alone without you and that has roped MIL in to be the fall guy

YANBU all or none!

Honestly skiing with very young kids is horrible for everyone. Skii hire. passes and lessons do work out very expensive . Probably at least around 500 pounds .

In my house I'd just let dh go as he's a good skier and I'm rubbish so barely saw him anyway as he'd be miles away on black slopes and I'd be on baby slopes snow ploughing around.
It's a poor choice of mil though as a week in Lanzarote would suit all the family and cost far less.

Have some people missed the point that firstly it’s over the Xmas and new year period (who on earth chooses to be away from their kids over Xmas?) and secondly that op isn’t invited. So the dh going along anyway, just shows mil that he thinks it's fine to ditch the wife in favour of spending a week with mummy…

Yes- you’re completely right- I had 1000 in my head because that’s what I paid for 4 x 5 days passes!

MIL did invite you OP.

You haven’t said if you want to go?

@LaPalmaLlama I thought you had been skiing in a super expensive resort!