Performance parents

[Maryquitecontrarymary]

Am I the only one who is irritated like hell around these people?
At airport waiting to board flight. Couple infront with 2 kids who seemed to want everyone to know what fun they are and how much banter they have together as a family. "Oh look at us, look how fun we are, look how great we get on with our kids".
Try to ignore but it's impossible as they are so loud and they are constantly looking around as though to see who is watching and listening, so you have to make sure you don't look their way or make eye contact.
Oh and guess where they happen to be sitting? Yep you guessed it, right behind us. I swear the whole flight could hear them and only them. The woman had a gob like a foghorn and seemed to swing between being performance banter mum and having a go at her husband. Even ear plugs couldn't drown them out.
I'm surprised these people don't exhaust themselves with their performances

But you can do this at a normal volume that is not intrusive to others. It’s the performative reading of stories, playing eye spy etc that’s annoying - not the activities/conversations themselves.

I'm just curious because, as we all know, these threads are ten a penny on Mumsnet (and yes I shouldn't get suckered in but here I am 😂), and every time someone asks for an example it's always about Tarquin having quinoa in Tuscany. It does make it sound like the people criticising have a chip on their shoulder about class or social mobility or whatever you want to call it.

So it's okay to read stories or play I Spy as long as it's at a normal volume?

So the problem there is....people being loud. Not performance parents?

Trying to get it. 😂

Because in my experience with the parents in the nursery I work in, that's a standard meal/holiday. We don't have any Tarquins though.

Yes but they are deliberately loud because they want an audience

Exactly.

Okay, but isn't it possible that they're just talking to their child the way they would normally go about their daily lives, and you just happened to hear it?

I get that very loud people are sometimes annoying. Totally with you on that. I just don't know where it crosses over into a performance as such.

If they're looking around to check if people are looking, that strikes me as more likely to be about self consciousness or lack of confidence than actively seeking an audience.

I could imagine saying most of the paragraph I posted when picking my child up. Probably not the bit about "tell me about our last holiday" because I'm usually in a rush out the door but definitely the rest of it (can you find your peg, we're going to Grandma's now, can you put your hat on by yourself etc) - that's just normal conversation with a young child, surely? I genuinely could not care less if anyone can hear me or not.

To be fair, you've just assumed this. You don't know why they're loud.

You still haven't given an example of what the airport family were saying/doing.

If you see it you know it. It’s being loud and showing off via your child. If you don’t do that then it’s not you is it?!

About 10 years ago I was in the Co op in Hebden Bridge and there was this tiresome man taking his 2 year old round saying "So Milo, are we going to be having yummy homemade humous. What do we need Milo?" and looking round checking everyone could see his inspirational parenting. He got the the pita breads and was wittering on about how Milo only ate home made bread and the local drunk sidled up to him and hissed "You're giving the little lad a headache, just shut your trap" 😂😂

My 19 month old is partially deaf, as is her dad.

She's only just started talking, as she can't hear the words I speak properly.

They both have no clue how loudly they can communicate, as they can't hear themselves, because they are deaf.

I'd rather talk a tad louder than is considered appropriate for you and help my child actually learn to talk, than be judged by parents like you because she can't talk yet.

Honestly the judgey nastiness that comes from other mums is just depressing tbh.

I actually think sometimes that what some can perceive as performance parenting can be stressed (often ND) parents feeling very self conscious and concerned that their (also potentially ND) child might throw a tantrum.

Seen it a few times while travelling and once with a friend of mine who I know is autistic.

It's annoying but makes me see it in a different light.

What a disgusting way to behave.

The Tarquin stuff also always betrays the fact that the story is largely made up.

Haha. Amazing.

See PP a lot at work. There is a massive difference between that and naturally loud people. A woman who comes in every day with her twin girls is quite loud, but sheis just parenting. She talks to them "ooh who can find the beans first" etc, which I am sure on here some would find annoying but frankly her DD's are a handful, she looks knackered and I think she is doing it to keep them amused and stop them running riot. They are about 4 and are a lot less full on than they were a year ago so I hope that the end is in sight for her!

However......there are more than a couple of parents that make a HUGE fuss about what they are buying and why (always something pretentious, but oddly bought with chicken dippers or similar at the same time), having conversations with, or maybe monologues AT, the kid that the kid is clearly not interested in to big up their parental credentials. And then, this is how I know it is PP, you get the expectant look or the pointed comment where they clearly expect me to say how impressed or wonderful they are and laugh at their wonderful antics. Sadly I am not allowed to ignore them as I am a lowly till monkey, so I always lie and say I dont really know much about children as I dont have any. I actually have 6 but I really cant be arsed to be an audience member to the film of their life.

Nope. Not a chance you’d say to a couple in a queue talking loudly to their children to “use their inside voices” .

That is your mumsnet advice

but not a chance your RL advice

very common on mumsnet

Like those people on trains who just love to have a conversation way louder than necessary because they think they sound oh so important or funny. No one is impressed and no one cares to hear it.
Agree with you.

Most people: (quiet voice) hi, yes I'm on the train. We'll be in around 7.

Billy Big Boots: (loud voice) Hi Dave, yeah I'm on the train. Got to get to that meeting with Tom and Tim to discuss that Swibbleydook contract. Haha. Yeah tell me about it. Get Paula to send me those documents (continues to drone on in a loud voice like he's the big man of the office).

The whole carriage doesn't need a performance. Nobody is impressed Billy. Turn the volume down or shut up.

Same for performance parenting. Most parents talk to their children and engage them in activities. There's no need for the loud showing off behaviour.

Why does it matter?!

Oh god flashback to train journey where I was surrounded by mums on a girls trip then one challenged another on her dds mean behaviour. Omg it was excruciating to watch. They weren’t performance parenting to be fair but this thread reminded me of it!

the idea of the Op stewing on this memory for days / weeks / months

and day before op started this thread, op started another thread about being pissed off about a different aspect of parenting

I wouldn’t be surprised if these pissed off threads about various incidences indicate the Op generally isn’t in a great place

😂I do wonder who this advert is targeting. It's very clever advertising, whatever it is, to annoy yet communicate the brand so successfully!

You again? Why do you feel the need to keep going on and on about it.
I think this suggests it's your life that's lacking.

My thought exactly. This person seems absolutely desperate to know when this happened and whether it was on way out or way home. I reckon they are desperate to find out if it's them I'm talking about. I think we have our performance parent right here. No wonder they feel the need to keep throwing insults at me

sometimes an OP piques one’s interest

and the idea of you stewing on this memory and then the day before starting a different pissed off thread… i suppose sort of tickled and intrigued me!