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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My mum told my sister about my c-section

102 replies

Strawberry06 · 20/02/2024 14:13

I'm heavily overdue pregnant and on Monday after several emotional hours in hospital I made a tough decision to go for an elective c-section which is booked for tomorrow.

Me & DH made a decision not to tell anyone except I said I wanted to tell my mum so we agreed this. Not because it's a big secret and I don't want anyone knowing, just because it's tomorrow and I wanted time to process etc and not having people messaging me.

Anyway I found out today that my mum has told my sister because she keeps asking about me apparently.

For context I don't have a good relationship with my sister. She has mental problems and is insanely jealous of me and not once while I've been pregnant has she bothered to check in and ask how I'm doing, which is what I fully expected from her.

So I'm really angry that my mum told my sister and said to her why didn't she just tell my sister to ask me herself if she really wants to know rather than my mum being a go between. I feel it's my business and my mum had no right to tell her. My mum doesn't think she's done anything wrong and thinks I'm being ridiculous.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Notthatcatagain · 20/02/2024 14:15

Did you ask your mum not to tell her?

Ohnoohohhoohh · 20/02/2024 14:15

She checked in and asked after you though, albeit via your mum which given your fractured relationship isn't unreasonable. She still asked after you. Take it in the spirit it was meant.

Original poster
Strawberry06 · 20/02/2024 14:17

@Notthatcatagain granted no I didn't but I still feel she had no right to tell her

@Ohnoohohhoohh I can guarantee she's not asking in a caring way more because she's nosey.

OP posts:
Blankname22 · 20/02/2024 14:18

Annoying, but it's a big issue to your mother. She is concerned, worried and nervous for you and people often share their worries.
Unfortunately, it's not with someone you wanted. But I'd let it go, you've got enough on your mind.
How did you find out, did your sister contact you?
If so, is that a step towards a better relationship? Babies can help warm up relationships, if you want that.
It is your business, but my advice is, don't answer your phone for the next 24 hours until you are safly on the other side.
Avoid conflict now and focus on your family.

Andthereyougo · 20/02/2024 14:19

I think you have better things to think about, packing your bag, looking forward to meeting your baby.
Maybe your mum is worried about you have a Caesarean and talking to your sister was just diluting her worry a bit?
Best wishes for tomorrow.

saraclara · 20/02/2024 14:19

If you didn't ask your mum not to tell her, you've no right to be angry with her! She's not a mind reader!

BoohooWoohoo · 20/02/2024 14:19

If this was predictable behaviour by your sister and mum, why did you tell her your c-section date? (I didn’t see any reference to looking after an older child or something)

She clearly doesn’t understand your reasoning so would tell whoever wanted to know.

Yuckyyuckyuckity · 20/02/2024 14:20

So your sister now knows... so what? Is it going to be detrimental to anything?

In 24 hours or so you'll be holding your beautiful baby and none of that will matter.

WYorkshireRose · 20/02/2024 14:20

Not because it's a big secret and I don't want anyone knowing, just because it's tomorrow and I wanted time to process etc and not having people messaging me.

So what's the issue? Has your sister messaged you?

ColleenDonaghy · 20/02/2024 14:22

It's the type of info that does tend to be passed along within a family, so if you didn't tell your mum not to say anything then she didn't do anything wrong.

Best of luck for tomorrow - nearly there now! Flowers

HappyintheHills · 20/02/2024 14:22

You said you didn’t want lots of messages, seems like your sister is asking after you and your mum has updated her without you being bothered by yet another message.

Dogdilemma2000 · 20/02/2024 14:23

Just ignore it, it’s the kind of thing families tell each other and you didn’t ask your mum to keep it secret

Mrsttcno1 · 20/02/2024 14:23

If you didn’t ask her not to tell anybody then you have no right to be angry with her.

I’m heavily pregnant and had been sharing details/updates with family including my mum and my nanna, I bumped into one of my nanna’s friends in the supermarket a couple of weeks ago and was shocked to find she also knew all the details of my appointments😂 I had never asked anybody to keep info to themselves though, so no sense being annoyed about it and no right to be annoyed about it, people who love you do mention you & pregnancy/birth is a big topic, I’ve just politely asked my nanna if going forward she would mind not passing on EVERY detail to her friends and she’s more than happy with that. No anger involved on any side!

NoCloudsAllowed · 20/02/2024 14:24

This sounds like the world's tiniest problem to be honest, so what if sister knows you have a CS booked in? It's not like your mum is posting pictures of your haemorrhoids on the web.

In all honesty I'd grow up and stop sniping. You've got a brief bit of time to enjoy doing whatever you want before the baby comes, this is a very silly way to spend it.

If your sister is asking about you, maybe she cares about you more than you'd think. And your baby is a new arrival in her family, whether you like it or not.

Thedance · 20/02/2024 14:24

You put your mum in a very difficult situation if you didn't want your sister to know you probably shouldn't have told your mum

Ponderingwindow · 20/02/2024 14:25

sometimes we obsess about something so that we can distract ourselves from the thing we are really worried about. It’s probably easier to be angry at your family than to be scared about surgery and your life changing dramatically by having a baby. You are about to discover though, that petty squabbles are going to drop precipitously down your priority list.

AstorianPlease · 20/02/2024 14:25

A gentle YABU.

I get it though, you're stressed about the c section and everything that's going on with that and you're probably directing some of that stress towards your mum telling your sister.

It's done now, be annoyed but tomorrow you have a beautiful little baby coming into the world and that deserves your energy much more than this.

shreknjumps · 20/02/2024 14:27

You don't want people messaging you but your mum should've told her to message you and ask you herself?

Fucking hell OP. Your poor mum can't win here, she's just worried about you.

PossumintheHouse · 20/02/2024 14:28

Are you over focused on this because you’re nervous about tomorrow? It really is the least of your concerns right now, OP.

Universalsnail · 20/02/2024 14:29

I think your are over reacting. Your sister asked about you. Your mum said you were having a C-section which you are. You said you didn't want people to know so they wouldn't be messaging you when you are processing what's happening, but surely your Mum refusing to tell your sister what was going on and telling her she should ask you means your sister would then be asking you when you said you wanted space?

You didn't ask her not to tell, and tbh it's just a C-section, a very routine thing loads of people have, and whilst your feelings about needing one are completely vanished, I am confused why everyone needs to keep it a secret.

Original poster
Strawberry06 · 20/02/2024 14:29

For those saying why did I tell my mum, well I wish I hadn't now! Or yes I should have said don't say anything.

I don't feel I put her in a difficult situation at all. All she had to say was she didn't know and tell my sister to contact me herself. I don't think there's anything wrong with suggesting that?

I just feel it wasn't her news to share, especially as it was a big decision for me and DH hasn't even told his mum that's what we are doing.

I only found out when I spoke to my mum again today and she told me she told her. My sister hasn't messaged me. And all my sister had to say about it was 'oh I thought they only did that in emergencies' - she doesn't care about me which is why I'm a bit pissed she knows but yes I'm not going to let it ruin my last day.

OP posts:
Spirallingdownwards · 20/02/2024 14:30

OK so you didn't tell her not to. So therefore yes YABU.

Your sister asked how you were getting on and your mum factually replied you had a c section booked. Please don't make this a thing.

SallyWD · 20/02/2024 14:31

saraclara · 20/02/2024 14:19

If you didn't ask your mum not to tell her, you've no right to be angry with her! She's not a mind reader!

Exactly. If I'm telling someone something in confidence I say "Please don't mention this to anyone else". It's perfectly natural that your mum would tell your sister this after your sister asked how you were. She clearly duydbt know it was supposed to be a secret.

Thelazygardener · 20/02/2024 14:33

Kindly….as somebody who had 24 hours notice before a Caesarian 3 weeks early for a medical issue….let it go….its not important.

Get off mumsnet, take a deep breath….relax and process what’s happening tomorrow and have a lovely evening with your DH in preparation for the morning. None of this will matter tomorrow I promise.

Good luck and congratulations. X

crumblingschools · 20/02/2024 14:33

I'm slightly confused as you didn't want people messaging you, but now seem angry that your sister hasn't messaged you but spoke to your mum. Surely, if you don't have a great relationship with her, this is the best outcome