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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My mum told my sister about my c-section

102 replies

Strawberry06 · 20/02/2024 14:13

I'm heavily overdue pregnant and on Monday after several emotional hours in hospital I made a tough decision to go for an elective c-section which is booked for tomorrow.

Me & DH made a decision not to tell anyone except I said I wanted to tell my mum so we agreed this. Not because it's a big secret and I don't want anyone knowing, just because it's tomorrow and I wanted time to process etc and not having people messaging me.

Anyway I found out today that my mum has told my sister because she keeps asking about me apparently.

For context I don't have a good relationship with my sister. She has mental problems and is insanely jealous of me and not once while I've been pregnant has she bothered to check in and ask how I'm doing, which is what I fully expected from her.

So I'm really angry that my mum told my sister and said to her why didn't she just tell my sister to ask me herself if she really wants to know rather than my mum being a go between. I feel it's my business and my mum had no right to tell her. My mum doesn't think she's done anything wrong and thinks I'm being ridiculous.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Sparklesocks · 20/02/2024 18:59

Once you have gone to theatre and are holding your new baby hopefully it won’t seem like such a big issue. You’ll want to focus on your recovery and settling in with your new arrival so it most likely won’t bother you as much by this time tomorrow.

Runnerinthenight · 20/02/2024 18:59

Strawberry06 · Today 14:37

I'm not angry my sister hasn't messaged me! I just find it ridiculous she doesn't care about me yet is constantly messaging my mum to know my business. That's why I think my mum should just tell her to message me direct. Doesn't mean I want her to or that I'll reply!

Can't you see that this is just totally irrational? Even if you don't get on (is that more on your side than hers, I am beginning to think?) she's getting a new niece or nephew tomorrow? Maybe she is excited too?

Give your mum a break. You will need her.

NewUser1111 · 20/02/2024 19:04

I think you’re annoyed with your mum because she has let the anxiety you feel about your relationship with your sister into your final days of pregnancy. This is clearly someone who you have issues with and now you’re worrying if she’ll get in touch and also (perhaps?) worrying she might not get in touch. It sounds like there’s emotional complexity there that you didn’t want to let in, hence your desire to keep the info to a very close circle. YABU to blame your mum though, as others have said. She wasn’t to know.

Sleepysleep19 · 20/02/2024 19:04

Andthereyougo · 20/02/2024 14:19

I think you have better things to think about, packing your bag, looking forward to meeting your baby.
Maybe your mum is worried about you have a Caesarean and talking to your sister was just diluting her worry a bit?
Best wishes for tomorrow.

This. Good luck for tomorrow.X

fleurneige · 20/02/2024 19:07

Sleepysleep19 · 20/02/2024 19:04

This. Good luck for tomorrow.X

Show quote history

yes

Babyboomtastic · 20/02/2024 19:12

Good luck for tomorrow. Planned sections are the absolute bees knees 😀

As for your mum/sister, your didn't tell her to keep it quiet, and whilst I appreciate it feels like a big decision for you now, a planned session when very overdue is pretty normal, not some hush hush thing.

By this time tomorrow you'll be holding your baby 🐥

buzzlightyearsaway · 20/02/2024 19:18

You are being a bit silly . It's your sister

She's hardly put a notice in the Times

Just concentrate on having your baby

TidyDancer · 20/02/2024 19:23

I agree with your mum. You're being really silly and I think you'll look back on this in a few months time and probably feel a bit embarrassed about how much importance you put on it. Especially since you didn't even tell your mum not to say anything.

Just try to relax tonight, if you've been rude to your mum apologise and enjoy your last baby free evening.

CautiousOptimist · 20/02/2024 19:47

You're being unreasonable OP but you are allowed to be, you're overdue, emotional about your altered birth plans and having a baby tomorrow. Good luck! Enjoy meeting your baby. Don't be angry at your mum. Hopefully your new baby might bring you all closer, if you want it to.

CatherineofAmazon · 20/02/2024 19:51

Good luck for to tomorrow OP.
In the future don’t tell your Mam anything you wouldn’t like her to pass on to anybody else.

teazle · 20/02/2024 20:03

I’m sorry you’re upset but you are being unreasonable. It is natural and normal for family members to share news like this unless you have specifically asked them not to. Best of luck for tomorrow, hope all goes well. I bet when the baby arrives you’ll stop caring about your mum telling your sister about the C-Section :-)

Direstraightsagain · 20/02/2024 20:06

YABU you don’t want to fall out with your mum now. You have enough on. Your mum made a mistake it’s wasn’t deliberately spiteful. Leave it. Ignore sister and focus on your health for the next few days.

viques · 20/02/2024 20:07

Best wishes for tomorrow, try to concentrate on meeting your lovely new baby rather than the upset of the last few days.

Hoolahooploop · 20/02/2024 20:08

YABU, I’ve had EMCS and honestly once baby is here you’ll have bigger things to worry about. I would let this go, pick your battles and pick more important ones!

Soontobe60 · 20/02/2024 20:11

Strawberry06 · 20/02/2024 14:29

For those saying why did I tell my mum, well I wish I hadn't now! Or yes I should have said don't say anything.

I don't feel I put her in a difficult situation at all. All she had to say was she didn't know and tell my sister to contact me herself. I don't think there's anything wrong with suggesting that?

I just feel it wasn't her news to share, especially as it was a big decision for me and DH hasn't even told his mum that's what we are doing.

I only found out when I spoke to my mum again today and she told me she told her. My sister hasn't messaged me. And all my sister had to say about it was 'oh I thought they only did that in emergencies' - she doesn't care about me which is why I'm a bit pissed she knows but yes I'm not going to let it ruin my last day.

So really you wanted your mum to lie to her daughter? YABVVU. Really, you’re focusing on the wrong thing.

Zone2NorthLondon · 20/02/2024 20:12

Firstly good luck with your birth, you’ll see the baby very soon. Prioritise that
Regards the disclosure, well it’s done now, you didn’t explicitly say don’t tell and when direct enquiry was made your mum discussed it

momonpurpose · 20/02/2024 20:14

shreknjumps · 20/02/2024 14:27

You don't want people messaging you but your mum should've told her to message you and ask you herself?

Fucking hell OP. Your poor mum can't win here, she's just worried about you.

Agreed. Focus on having your precious baby soon that's what's important

pictoosh · 20/02/2024 20:14

Think you're being unreasonable here. A c-section isn't something to be covert about is it? I can't imagine it crossed your mum's mind to withhold it. You may have a bad relationship with your sister but your mum still gets on with her and wants to share news. Don't make your mum take responsibility for the strain.

pictoosh · 20/02/2024 20:14

And all the very best with baby. xx

Salaaaaaaaah · 20/02/2024 20:16

Your mum did nowt wrong OP. Your sister asked, and she answered.

Anyway as others have rightly said, this is trivial, you have much more important matters at hand. Good luck!

mondaytosunday · 20/02/2024 20:17

You may not have a good relationship with your sister but does your mother? It would seem perfectly natural for her to tell her. In fact it would be weird not to.
And you say the reason you didn't want people to know is because you 'didn't want people messaging you', but then go on to say your sister is one person very unlikely to!
You told your mother you were going to have the baby via section. You did not tell her to keep it secret. So I do not understand why you are annoyed she told a family member. It seems you deliberately want to keep your sister at a distance, fair enough, but don't involve your mother, who may be quite distressed already that her children don't get along.

pictoosh · 20/02/2024 20:22

"So I'm really angry that my mum told my sister and said to her why didn't she just tell my sister to ask me herself if she really wants to know rather than my mum being a go between."

Why did you expect her to say that? That is very specific. How was she supposed to know?

Sorry to post a third time but honestly, you can't fall out with people for not reading your mind. Not fair.

Devonshiregal · 20/02/2024 21:38

Strawberry06 · 20/02/2024 14:13

I'm heavily overdue pregnant and on Monday after several emotional hours in hospital I made a tough decision to go for an elective c-section which is booked for tomorrow.

Me & DH made a decision not to tell anyone except I said I wanted to tell my mum so we agreed this. Not because it's a big secret and I don't want anyone knowing, just because it's tomorrow and I wanted time to process etc and not having people messaging me.

Anyway I found out today that my mum has told my sister because she keeps asking about me apparently.

For context I don't have a good relationship with my sister. She has mental problems and is insanely jealous of me and not once while I've been pregnant has she bothered to check in and ask how I'm doing, which is what I fully expected from her.

So I'm really angry that my mum told my sister and said to her why didn't she just tell my sister to ask me herself if she really wants to know rather than my mum being a go between. I feel it's my business and my mum had no right to tell her. My mum doesn't think she's done anything wrong and thinks I'm being ridiculous.

AIBU?

If you specifically told your mum not to tell anyone then, yes, she is in the wrong.

Separately I would ask you to consider that the fact your sister has such severe mental health problems is an incredible injustice thrust on her at birth - count yourself lucky you are able to think straight…it is a gift

JFDIYOLO · 20/02/2024 23:43

You told your mum.

Even though you're excited, your mum's worried.

This is family and it's important - not something that's generally kept secret among close family, even if there are mh issues.

My mum's worried for another reason that may be the case here - that when she's gone my brother and I and his family may lose touch. Mums do that, keeping the family news shared.

You didn't tell her not to tell your sister, so how was she supposed to know?

Even tho you say you're not worried I think there's some of that in play here.

All the best for your procedure. Maybe the new baby in the family will help you and your sister get perspective and deal with your issues.

Noseybookworm · 21/02/2024 00:24

Your mum is not a mind reader. If you didn't tell her not to tell your sister, I think it's very unfair to be cross with her.