My mum told my sister about my c-section

[Strawberry06]

I'm heavily overdue pregnant and on Monday after several emotional hours in hospital I made a tough decision to go for an elective c-section which is booked for tomorrow.

Me & DH made a decision not to tell anyone except I said I wanted to tell my mum so we agreed this. Not because it's a big secret and I don't want anyone knowing, just because it's tomorrow and I wanted time to process etc and not having people messaging me.

Anyway I found out today that my mum has told my sister because she keeps asking about me apparently.

For context I don't have a good relationship with my sister. She has mental problems and is insanely jealous of me and not once while I've been pregnant has she bothered to check in and ask how I'm doing, which is what I fully expected from her.

So I'm really angry that my mum told my sister and said to her why didn't she just tell my sister to ask me herself if she really wants to know rather than my mum being a go between. I feel it's my business and my mum had no right to tell her. My mum doesn't think she's done anything wrong and thinks I'm being ridiculous.

AIBU?

Me & DH made a decision not to tell anyone except I said I wanted to tell my mum so we agreed this. Not because it's a big secret and I don't want anyone knowing, just because it's tomorrow and I wanted time to process etc and not having people messaging me.

You didn’t tell anyone as you didn’t want people messaging you? Ok-they haven’t.

What you wanted to happen, was your mum not telling your sister (despite not telling her this), and your sister messaging you!? But you don’t want people messaging you.

You are giving out hugely mixed messages here. I’m not surprised your sister and mum are confused.

It really doesn't matter. Turn your phone off, have a bath and try and sleep.

^^^ All of this.

I understand you're upset, but I'd let it go. Your Mum is excited, nervous and worried about you and needs to share with someone. I can remember phoning my Mum after giving birth and I could hear the anxiety in her voice on answering the phone.

Not sure what all the secrecy around a C-Section is about.🙄

One thing I never thought about until after I had my birth was how stressed and worried my mum would be. My husband and I wanted labour to be a private thing just between us and didn't want to share any updates until baby was here. What I didn't realise was how worried my mum was, because for her this was something major happening to HER baby. All I'm saying is I'd cut her a bit of slack, she may just have needed some support herself.

I also know it's hard when you're overdue, stressed and have been in hospital for a while - it's awful and I really feel for you.

Good luck for your op OP! Hope all goes well and you meet baby soon

This. The whole thing hinges on this.

I had a c section (also decided the day before) and only told my parents. They told my brother and SIL which didn’t bother me at all.

Why are you pissed that she knows? So what?

I honestly think so many people are influenced by celebrities who hide pregnancies/births/newborns from the media and wider world understandably but normal people don’t have the worlds media interested in their baby so they hide it all from their families instead. All you see now is people keeping births secret or not letting people meet newborn babies, nothing will convince me it isn’t celebrity influenced whether they realise it or not.

Clearly this is an unpopular opinion, but YANBU. I believe birth stories and birth plans are private medical information that nobody should share with others without express permission. This includes within a family. (Clearly I have some baggage of my own here but that's another story!)

I mean this with a lot of kindness because I've been there, but when your baby is here and your hormones have settled down (it takes a while), you won't care about this. So don't let your mum know how pissed off you are.

YABU because the baby was obviously going to be coming out somehow so the main event is no secret. You’re allowed to be a bit unreasonable for a few more weeks though, so crack on. Have a lovely last evening of pregnancy and good luck for tomorrow.

If you didn't tell her not to say anything then, gently, YABU. It wouldn't occur to me not to say anything if you hadn't told me not to.

You have (or at least you ought to have) greater fish to fry at the moment 🙄

I think you need to let this go… it’s really not that big of a deal. Your sister asks about you because she cares about you, even if she doesn’t know how to get that across to you.

People who suffer from mental health problems aren’t always going to do things by the books, OP.

your mum is concerned, you didn’t explicitly say it was a secret, so YABU to expect her (your mum) to be a mind reader here. Write it off as anxiety and move on.

by the way, good luck in surgery! Pretty soon you’ll be holding your little baby and hopefully you’ll see how much of a non-issue these worries are.

She has mental problems
this kind of attitude is what stops people with MH issues reaching out for support.

You didn’t want anyone knowing so they don’t message you.
Your sister hasn’t messaged you.
I get that you’d rather keep it as a secret, but her knowing hasn’t had any impact on the amount of messages you’ve received about the imminent birth.

Wishing you a safe and speedy delivery op.

You will have more important things to worry about tomorrow!!

I think your sister can't do right for doing wrong. She knows your relationship isn't great. She knows you don't want her talking to you. So she's very unlikely to contact you and antagonise you at such an emotionally charged time. You can't even consider for one minute that she actually on any level cares about you.

I have a fractured relationship with my sister. We are civil to each other but not friends. If anything happened to her tomorrow, there is no doubt in my mind that I'd be distraught. She's my sister. I don't particularly like the person she is. But she's my sister.

You are being unreasonable. You told your mother you were having a section but didn't tell her it was a secret. There's no reason she'd assume it was a secret. You are both your mother's daughter. So you might not have a relationship with your sister but you shouldn't try to control your mother's relationship with her. Mothers talk to their children. All the time. She probably also told some of the neighbours/her close friends.

If you want something to be a secret then you don't tell anyone. Once you tell someone you have very little control over where that information ends up. Please don't be mean to your mother about this. It's your mistake. Don't ruin the arrival of your baby/her grandchild being annoyed about a perceived lack of interest and purely nosiness on your sister's behalf. With such a happy occasion would you not like to just assume everyone is happy for you? If they're not, then it's no skin off your nose.

You're overreacting massively and should have happier things to think about. Prioritise your new baby and look forward rather than continuing some sibling rivalry with your sister. She obviously does care or wouldn't be asking about you.

This is a bit petty. What it comes down to is that your sister got what she wanted (the info) and you didn't (her being kept out of the loop). You're not at primary school.

I don't feel I put her in a difficult situation at all. All she had to say was she didn't know and tell my sister to contact me herself. I don't think there's anything wrong with suggesting that?

If you didn’t ask her not to say anything then why would she tell your sister she doesn’t know how you’re doing and to contact you? Did you suggest she should say that before she told your sister or are you suggesting she should of said that after you found out she’s told your sister because if it’s the latter that’s unreasonable and to late

Strawberry06 · Today 14:17

@Notthatcatagain granted no I didn't but I still feel she had no right to tell her

I think then you are completely unreasonable. I could understand if you had specifically asked your mum not to tell your sister, but you didn't.

Focus on what's important - your new baby! - and let this go. It's deeply unimportant in the scheme of things.

Best wishes for tomorrow! It's very exciting!

kingfisher657 · Today 18:02

Clearly this is an unpopular opinion, but YANBU. I believe birth stories and birth plans are private medical information that nobody should share with others without express permission. This includes within a family. (Clearly I have some baggage of my own here but that's another story!)

That's anal though. Most people don't get on like that.

But she's asked your mum about how you are? And responded in a normal way for somebody who hasn't had a baby themselves or been around others who have, so wouldn't know that sections aren't only performed in cases of dire emergency?

I'm not really sure what the big deal is about having a c-section to be honest. Why so secretive? Baby's coming out one way or another! Anyway. This time tomorrow you will have a lovely baby and you'll have forgotten about this x