To think there's an off/bad vibe out there?

[ARichSeamToMine]

Does the world feel "off"?
Sorry if this seems ranty, I'm really interested in the vote though.

I'm feeling like there's a weird vibe out there.

I live in London, meet a lot of people through work and am not just judging by my circle.

I've been struggling to articulate this.

I'm late 40s and have seen recessions etc before.

Was out in the City tonight and I would say bar and restaurant were busy for a Monday night, so good there. The street I was on had several completely closed offices, pubs and two gyms, which was sad.

I understand that changes in social habits have been affected by working patterns etc.

I just feel there is something else at play

I increasingly find that people are a bit...strange? We saw groups in the bar, who presumably went out together from choice, just gazing at their phones. I was never anti tech but I'm starting to wonder if there is something in the idea that it affects communication skills.

my friend is worried about her dad because he constantly watches videos of fights - this is a TV show in the US now I hear.

I know a lot of people in my age group feel very "meh" and have little enthusiasm for things, but it's not just middle age. I don't think so anyway.

I'm happy if people are happy, but starting to wonder if they are happy. I meet a lot of people who don't want to go out, are up at 5am walking a dog, they take care of themselves with a good diet, often vegan, don't drink alcohol.

I'm not saying any of these things are bad. I can see if the City is reasonably busy on a Monday night, hospitality must be recovering, which is great.

But something out in the world feels off...like people aren't interested in much.

My online creative writing group has almost no posts. The tutor is regularly cancelling workshops and looking to do online only.

I'm in touch with a couple of exes and we are staying friends but they seem to do nothing but gaming. One in particular has no friends and is not bothered.

I might get flamed but I do wonder if men are particularly prone to doing less stuff if they are single.

Again, that is fine if they are happy. But I get this sense that people aren't happy.

Social anxiety seems very much on the rise.

Just curious to know if others get this vibe.

YABU - people are fine and just living life as usual

YANBU - people are losing communication skills and becoming unhappy

It’s hopelessness.
I used to be such a positive and optimistic person, but so much negativity has happened to us all I feel like it beaten out of me.
I feel very worried for my dcs for the same reasons - will they get good careers, how will they afford a house and AI has already effected my profession so what will it be like in just another 5 years?

Social anxiety is one of the side effects of reduced interaction with other live humans, and the rabbit hole of unpleasantness

I completely agree. My work never went back to the office and it has massively affected my social anxiety.

I can now see that spending my days with other people helped me to manage my anxiety as I being constantly around other people and seeing them interact normally and pleasantly with me, helped to fend off my anxious feelings.

Now I don't have that my anxiety and frankly paranoia have spiralled and this gives me much more unpleasant feelings about other people.

Its been really bad for my mental health.

I don’t want to cheapen the term for those who have suffered life-changing trauma, but I can’t think of another way to describe it. It sometimes feels like we’re suffering from collective PTSD. Maybe after Covid? Also Social Media and AI are fundamentally damaging to society imo. It’s addictive, and there’s a blurring of lies and truth which is going to have an effect on our perception of reality. Boundaries have been trampled, with the availability of all sorts of aberrant behaviours almost normalised and ready to view. I don’t think people feel they have much agency or ability to change anything, either. Awful things happen which you are witness to, but feel you can do little about. Maybe life felt too complicated and stressful and a lot of people have just withdrawn into a bubble of their own construction, because it’s easier?

Thanks for this.
It really cheered me up. I love watching the seedlings come up in neat little rows. You've reminded me to just get out and breathe! x

Another thing I often think is, have we lost sight of what makes us truly happy? Simple things- being in Nature, sandy beaches, gardening, caring for pets, baking and so on?
We are constantly fed the Hollywood lifestyle and it makes people feel like they need to be beautiful, incredibly wealthy and having glamorous life’s.

As others have says gardening or nature is incredible for mental health. Maybe leading a simple life is seen as old fashioned, twee and boring but maybe it’s what a lot of really need.

This is just what I was about to say @6pence I haven't read everything here, but what strikes me most is the very noticeable decline in kids' behaviour at school. My two are quiet boys (year 11 and year 7) and they just want to get home from school every day as they say everyone just goes crazy all day, kids arguing with teachers, one teacher trying to cover two classes, supply teachers just getting through an hour of a lesson until they can move the class on to the next lesson, basically chaos every day. DS16 can't see a future for himself even though he's on target for all 8s and 9s as the job market seems so unstable and he is worried about AI taking away the need for people to work at all. Also, and I'm upset about this, one of the supply teachers told his class last week to make sure they all found good jobs as there would be a world war soon and they could be enlisted to fight if they weren't working...... I hate that this has been put in his mind. I look back to when I was a kid and the cold war absolutely terrified me and those thoughts are really coming back to me now the way the world is. I don't want my kids to have these worries.

I do think something is off @ARichSeamToMine It's very particular things, and it's also just a feeling you can't quite understand. I feel like I'm limping through life, waiting for the end of each day, although at the same time I am positive in terms of getting outside and exercising and looking forward to my running every weekend. It's a weird conflict. I just want a bit of peace and happiness and love, but it all seems out of reach.

I’d agree. People seem to be more selfish and rude in public.

I think people are feeling poorer too and more pessimistic- feels like 1948 out there, rather than 1968.

I don’t read the news or consume the news in any way. It’s helped me so much with stress and general gloominess.

I started this a bit when Brexit was announced and I doubled down on my resolve during Covid. The one exception I made was looking for the latest restrictions specifically. No need for that now so I don’t consume the news.

My bf tells me for example “Russia has invaded Ukraine” and other massive deals like that. But I don’t feel the need to read about it every day. My world is so much lighter and peaceful.

The mere fact that this thread is running with most people agreeing to some degree suggests a sea change in itself.

I've seen so many threads before where the OP has described the shit show going on in their lives due to difficulties with employment, housing and other issues compounded by institutional fuckwittery where the immediate response has been to suggest that the OPs mindset is at fault, they should practise gratitude and "it's always been like this" or "you're living in golden times and check your privilege because you don't have to kill a mammoth for breakfast" or "you sound depressed - see your GP (ha), get pills and where's your resilience?".

I've been muddling along for 55 years and feel qualified to say that things are objectively worse on so many fronts, because the opportunities to get out of bad situations are diminishing. I've gone through various traumatic experiences in my life and previously I've had hope that things will improve, but my current personal circumstances are close to having me rocking in a corner permanently because the institutions I'm dealing with are tied up with tick boxing over actual action, computer says no situations and focus on finance over humanity.

Technology is certainly the biggest factor in this to my mind. There are those virtually wet wired into it, and those who are trying to pull away but can't because in every area of life "there's an app for that" which you are obliged to use or go without.

Not sure if there's an end game in all this but like others I'm glad I'm over the hill. If I get a terminal illness or dementia, I'd rather off myself than be at the mercy of the collapsing system to be honest.

You’re not wrong, there’s a lot of fear and anger in the world atm. Looking at the pattern of history, it’s probably time for empires to start collapsing. I’ve been discussing the weird vibes for some time with my more spiritual friends and it appears to be a real thing across the globe.,dawning of a new age.

@MaroonMidnight (great name 😁) I totally agree. I'm not an advocate for a return to a pre-tech age - the genie is out of the bottle there anyway - but so many of us have completely lost touch with the natural world and I don't think we realise the negative effect on our mental health. The benefits of being out in nature are so well researched but so much in our normal daily lives mitigates against it.

WFH has been so revelatory for me on that level. I realise I'm in a privileged position there, though. It's not so easy when you're living in an inner-city towerblock, working two jobs, worrying about how to put food on the table. I don't know what the solution is, but I do know that we would all benefit hugely by getting ourselves back to nature sometimes, however that might look for each individual.

The smoking ban killed a lot of the pubs as well. Whilst I enjoyed being able to get public transport without smelling cigarettes or coming home from the pub without fag burn in my clothes and hair reeking, it really did kill off the pubs. People started socialising more with friends at home with cheap supermarket alcohol, or the smokers were outside every 5 minutes having a chat leaving the non smoker (usually me) on their own in the pub.

I agree with this, but would also add in the fact that teenagers can't get into the pubs for a drink whilst underage anymore. Whether or not this is a good thing, I think it's had a massive effect in that they have found other things to do in those formative years of 14-18.

I think that the pub ban has also led to the rise in drug use in the teenagers.

For me having to go back to the office has battered my physical and mental health. In lockdown I ate healthy homecooked meals and exercised daily. I had time for myself. Now I feel like I can pick maybe 2 out of 3, but one of the 2 is going to work, so its cheap/quick convenience food or not exercising. I'm out of the house for 11.5 hours for the working day including getting to and from work, with a 30 min lunch break and that's it. If I then want to do an hour workout, even from home, i'm eventually sitting down for dinner at about 9pm. It's not really sustainable. Someone earlier said they think people have too much time but I think it's the opposite. Everyone is rushing around everywhere. I'm not in London. We don't have so much cafe culture etc here, certainly not during the day for workers, it's all industrial estates and the like.

Personally I'm beaten down with living because I've grown up being made to feel like an untrustworthy citizen because I have a medical condition. Heaven forbid I want to do anything 'oh we need a doctors note/report for you to do that' little do they know I can't even get an appointment to care for the physical condition, less so for them to write a note to say I'm capable of doing something, or need to carry XYZ on me at all times (how the fuck do they know anyway, once a year, if i'm lucky, I can maybe see A doctor, but it's not always my named GP, they have no idea of what I'm capable of). It's like I'm not allowed to know my own limits myself so I'm constantly being told i'm not able to make decisions for myself, and this has to be honest carried over into my day to day life and I do struggle with self esteem and confidence. Most of it is from repeatedly being told I can't do something that I know I'm more than capable of, and that's exhausting too. Not disabled enough for any help though...

I also can't have kids, and all my friends now are at the age when they are having kids and things are moving to daytimes whilst they are off work, so I'm not able to join them, and to be honest most of their conversations are about their kids and whilst I can feign interest for a short while, it's really not for me, it feels like yet another reminder I have a flawed body and can't we just talk about the Masked Singer (other shite on TV is available to talk about). All in all I probably am becoming more reclusive now than I ever was in lockdown or before.

I haven't really noticed a 'bad vibe', to me, things seemed much worse during the lockdown, which went on for far, far too long. The compliance with lockdown is what made me despair, rather than the aftermath. I am also disgusted with our corrupt politicians (I am in Scotland and our former first minister is a complete disgrace. People blame the Tories for everything, and while they have a point, the SNP are awful as well) I think what you are noticing as a negative 'increased selfishness' is just people knowing that they need to look out for themselves and their loved ones, and not to bother too much about some nebulous idea of 'community'. We damn near lost our entire way of life over the whole 'stay home, protect the NHS, save lives' nonsense and we won't be fooled again.

Nothing at all wrong with it! Just a noticeable change. I admire it and thinking to change my lifestyle - yes, I posted after a few drinks but that isn't my normal, honestly. As I was going to bed, I realised that sounded like a criticism, it isn't at all, my parents were raised vegan and alcohol free.

am amazed by number of replies!

taking nephew for a day as it's half term but will read all the replies later.

I was in the Co-op yesterday when a man had a giant tantrum because he couldn't pay for something and threw all his groceries on the floor! It was like a giant baby! With an undercurrent of threat. The lady behind the till was very shaken and said to us she hated her job.

I do feel an unease about life, everything hasn't quite gone back after Covid, but I also see lots of people starting out again, socializing, trying to get back out there. It's very very isolating staying at home and people say they love it but lack the skills then to go out again, it's weird, even my most sociable friends. I'm pottering along trying to make sure I get out in society, chat to people with dogs and babies and generally put neutral or good vibes into the world.

It's a collective dip in mood. I was a teen/twenties in 80s and 90's and perhaps I was young and stupid and just didn't notice the problems of the older generations.

I'm also concentrating on my family and my friends and pouring the energy I have into them, and that is great for them but not great for society.

Odd times, but they will pass.

I’ve been out in the city (London) a few times since December and I haven’t noticed this. If anything people seem more social. We went to a restaurant for my DH birthday last Saturday and there was such a buzz. The people were mainly older (we’re 46+) but I didn’t see any phones out. The bar we went to after also had lots of people chatting away. I find the bar and restaurant staff more friendly too and happy to chat.

went to the pub on Sunday and there were a lot of families and I did notice the bored teens on their phones while the adults chatted but who can blame them? I probably had a book at that age.

My 16 year old niece is on her phone a lot but when she’s with her friends they talk 10 to the dozen! It’s exhausting 😂

The prevalence of young children growing up with You Tube and a possible link with ADHD. They find it hard to focus on one thing for too long.

I agree people are becoming a bit less social. Or have become since covid. But I’m not sure it’s a bad thing. We used to be rushing off every weekend to see friends/ family/days out, but during covid actually discovered a much slower pace of life and enjoyed it. So now we try and keep days free just to wander around town or the beach and do family things. I drink a lot less and go out in the evening a lot less, but that could be my age and having small children.

I meet a lot of people who don't want to go out, are up at 5am walking a dog, they take care of themselves with a good diet, often vegan, don't drink alcohol.

This isn’t a bad thing surely? I agree it’s a huge shift but a good thing in many ways.

People going out and just sitting on their phones however is depressing! This luckily never happens in my groups, I think i’d have to say something if it did!

I meet a lot of people who don't want to go out, are up at 5am walking a dog, they take care of themselves with a good diet, often vegan, don't drink alcohol

That's a good life to lead. I guess the thing is if we all see ourselves as individual units, and try to optimise ourselves, a lot of sociability is lost along the way. They call the my grandparents generation the collective generation, see the book 'Bowling Alone'- in the 50's people used to bowl in clubs and societies, they then moved to bowling with their one or two friends or families. It's a different unit of living.

I thought about setting up a litter picking event, but then I just settled for litter picking outside my own house and my near neighbours. I just couldn't face organizing it, that's what an individualized society does, and not a collective one. I don't feel bad, I'm guessing many people wouldn't join in- or would want to but are tired and exhausted from running families with two incomes just to pay the rent or mortgage.

Something very globally unpleasant is going on for sure and people are picking up on it and it's causing anxiety and uneasiness. There seems to be little hope in the future. The cost of living crisis is causing so many difficulties for people.

I'm a Christian and I feel as though evil is running the show now. I'm supposed to have faith in The Lord and not worry, but it's really difficult as it's in our faces 24/7. I should come off social media and news sites I suppose. I'm spending the day in the garden today to try and detach.

@cookingwithabigail I hear you. I don't know why but I also have that sense. The glee with which antisemitism has taken off again has upset me immensely (and Jewish people even more). It's like people were looking for the scapegoats (it was the Chinese in Covid, even in my children's schools kids were teased, students shouted at in the streets).

On the phone thing, I don't allow my late teens to go on the phone if we eat out- too much money to be sitting on phones! My friend groups don't go on the phone either, except to check for messages. I do see it in my children all the time though and it's not a good thing.

Have a look at the book Reframed by Stuart Shanker. I think you'll find it very interesting.

I don't know about an an off vibe. I am an introvert and have never been a big social person. I've worked from home since 2014 so for 10 years and DH and I probably stopped going out as much when we bought this house in 2017. It is a nice house in a quiet area at the very edge of a small town next to greenbelt. The local town is very run down and not much is there I only go in once a month to change my library books and collect my prescription. Its much more of an effort to get to the closest city these days as transport links are bad across this whole region and expensive as is parking.

The closest city is extremely run down, dirty, lots of empty shops, seemingly abandoned developments that make the city look like a building site and highly visible drug and crime use in the centre of town. About 10 years ago it felt like you could meet a friend and have a pretty nice day out for £20 - £30 but its so much more expensive now and I definitely feel that people are put off due to the cost. Even a meal out at an ordinary restaurant and a film / exhibition will be £60 or £70+and if you want to see a play or a concert it could easily be over £100 sometimes well over that.

I met a friend in the city centre last year, we went into an ordinary café and ordered a slice of cake and a tea each and it was £20 plus we were asked for a service charge even though it was counter service. Service is worse in general as well and yet we seem to be contracting tipping culture from the US lately but without good service to go with it. All of that makes a trip into town unappealing and I've never enjoyed shopping.

I used to do an evening class every autumn but even though there is a college and a university in my local town none of them offer evening classes anymore, they used to but I think all that ended when the national funding for life long learning was cut in 2014 I think. Even in the nearest city most of the classes are during the day or have moved online. DH and I do use a local gym but parking is expensive if you stay longer than an hour so we are very much just in and out and there are no public transport from our area to the gym, used to be but it was cancelled as it wasn't profitable enough.

A lot of people we know are deep in the early child years at the moment and just not as available, one friend I've known and been close to for years said she pretty much only had time for very local friends as she never knew when she's have time to meet anymore. Another friend now mostly socialises with the mum of a girl who her daughter is friends with (they live in the same tenement building) because its convenient. I still see friends now and then, I still go out, now and then but its less than I used to and I think others are the same. I am less sentimental and have stopped making the effort with people who make no effort in return or who consistently display shitty behaviour, perhaps that's an age thing though. I don't have social anxiety but I am done with going though the motions.

DH and stay home or visit family, we cook nice food, read, play board games, go for walks / hikes, watch movies, go to the gym. We are tech savvy and use it as a tool but we aren't scrolling all the time, we aren't on social media nor do we play video games. Sometimes I don't even turn my phone on for days, everyone who counts has my home number if they need me.

In general terms and especially for younger people it does seem like the changes are unprecedented. Very young men with access to hard core porn from 7 years old, gaming, addition to their devices, exposure to toxic and hateful thinking such as that spouted by Andrew Tate and probably much worse. Young girls are reportedly more unhappy than ever because of exposure to social media or exposure to porn either personally or through peers erodes their boundaries and expectations of what is normal and healthy. The fact that most kids have a smart phone now means that minor falling outs or bullying can escalate and follow them home. My friends daughter was recently very upset when after a minor falling out with a popular girl at school which would have likely blown over in the past and been forgotten about the next week ended up with lots of other girls sending her horrible video messages over WhatsApp that weekend. I've also noticed that childhood for a lot of kids seems to end really early these days. Kids in my family seem done with toys and imaginative play by 6 or 7. My SIL was saying how she wanted to splash out on toys for her son as this will be the last year he really wants toys, he is 5 😕The girls all seem to be obsessed with tiktok and by 8 or 9 are like little teenagers who want skincare, make up and various trendy consumer goods and their playing is mimicking tiktokers. Its so weird to me that parents who are so concerned about where their kids are and worried about them playing out or walking home from school alone also give them a device which gives every grim, perverted, exploitative facet of humanity access to their kids. I know not all parents do this but a large chunk do.

I think perhaps human connection is in some kind of crisis, people seem to be struggling to find and maintain romantic relationships even though arguably technology gives us access to a bigger pool of potential partners than ever before, which is of course probably part of the problem. Many younger and older women seem fed up with men's behaviour and are choosing to be single and many men seem angry and bitter about this but choose to blame women as opposed to looking at the issues that make women reject them.

Clickbait, stuff that winds us up and pushes out buttons is more profitable, we tend to spend longer looking at stuff online that worries, which is just part of how our brains are wired and the tech giants exploit that. I notice anywhere I am online how its so hard to have a conversation now without people being nasty and jumping down your throat. Someone could post on here about how excited they are it has snowed and shortly someone will be along to tell them how they are an idiot, that people die in bad weather didn't they know, and what an empty pathetic little life they must have if all the have to be happy about is a bit of snow. Its like people are just waiting for the opportunity to piss in other peoples cornflakes and the more we are exposed to this kind of nastiness the more likely we are to respond in kind. Its just negative energy feeding on itself and spreading.

Sorry for the essay!

@cookingwithabigail I'm very interested to read your comments. I've always had the experience with religious people (in-laws and wider family) that they're always optimistic and trusting that God will make sure everyone's ok. Does the current situation make you question your faith? Do you feel differently about things? Do you genuinely think there's such a thing as evil, in spiritual terms, not just human nastiness?