To think there's an off/bad vibe out there?

[ARichSeamToMine]

Does the world feel "off"?
Sorry if this seems ranty, I'm really interested in the vote though.

I'm feeling like there's a weird vibe out there.

I live in London, meet a lot of people through work and am not just judging by my circle.

I've been struggling to articulate this.

I'm late 40s and have seen recessions etc before.

Was out in the City tonight and I would say bar and restaurant were busy for a Monday night, so good there. The street I was on had several completely closed offices, pubs and two gyms, which was sad.

I understand that changes in social habits have been affected by working patterns etc.

I just feel there is something else at play

I increasingly find that people are a bit...strange? We saw groups in the bar, who presumably went out together from choice, just gazing at their phones. I was never anti tech but I'm starting to wonder if there is something in the idea that it affects communication skills.

my friend is worried about her dad because he constantly watches videos of fights - this is a TV show in the US now I hear.

I know a lot of people in my age group feel very "meh" and have little enthusiasm for things, but it's not just middle age. I don't think so anyway.

I'm happy if people are happy, but starting to wonder if they are happy. I meet a lot of people who don't want to go out, are up at 5am walking a dog, they take care of themselves with a good diet, often vegan, don't drink alcohol.

I'm not saying any of these things are bad. I can see if the City is reasonably busy on a Monday night, hospitality must be recovering, which is great.

But something out in the world feels off...like people aren't interested in much.

My online creative writing group has almost no posts. The tutor is regularly cancelling workshops and looking to do online only.

I'm in touch with a couple of exes and we are staying friends but they seem to do nothing but gaming. One in particular has no friends and is not bothered.

I might get flamed but I do wonder if men are particularly prone to doing less stuff if they are single.

Again, that is fine if they are happy. But I get this sense that people aren't happy.

Social anxiety seems very much on the rise.

Just curious to know if others get this vibe.

YABU - people are fine and just living life as usual

YANBU - people are losing communication skills and becoming unhappy

It's not about wanting to go out, it's about being able to afford it for many people!

In the City, we didn't often head out for a beer until Thursday, occasionally Wednesday but Friday was a 100% certainty, probably a liquid lunch as well. This was the 1990s through the 2000s.

Where did you meet a partner ? a hook up ? a date ? an unexpected shag ? It was in a bar, a club, a restaurant, etc.

We talked to people, we got rejected. Yeah, can you imagine that, having the balls to ask someone out face to face and getting the "no thanks" or the occasional snigger of disgust.

heck, we didn't get the police called if we bought a girl a drink and attempting to wasn't classed as 4th degree harassment. And a shag with regret didn't turn into a rape accusation because we'd both had a few drinks !

Stop the world, I want to get off.

YANBU. People are not really interested in other people. I would even say not many people care about other people. They are wrapped up in their own lives and I agree that many spend hour upon hour gaming or looking at influencers. There's also the war vibe going on at the moment. Escaping into virtual worlds may be preferable to real life.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=m5ldKDfV3hE

They were different times. Fun times.

Women were tougher then. We could tell a bloke to piss off and he'd leave us alone. No hard feelings. Everyone just wanted to have a good time. They were quite boozy years too when I look back on it.

I do think young people have made things so much harder and much more complicated for themselves: I wonder if there is so much anxiety and mental health issues because of this.

The late 80s & 90s & 00s were so much fun!

Unexpected shags - blimey, is that a thing ? Just imagine…

It would be kind of weird, given what is happening currently in the world and what has happened to us all worldwide over the last few years - ie, two major wars, that threaten to spill over into world wars, and the first major global pandemic in a hundred years, and not to forget, climate weirding - if people weren't a bit freaked out, a bit shutdown, a bit sheltering themselves from further input, and coping in the ways they best know how.

Used to be a thing, go out have a few drinks, snog some random, decide to take it further. It sounds bizarre now but it’s how lots of people met their partners back in the day.

I had a relationship lasting two years on the back of one of those nights and a couple that were just fun for a night. Blokes weren’t as weird though, no questions about Anal, choking , spitting or whatever. Just a bit grateful for a shag.

Yep I think it’s probably a good bot /AI with a glitch.

No. It’s what happens when you use a weird backwards apostrophe rather than the proper one. like this

like this!

Clever!

There's a lot of homelessness in London in the suburbs and people who are mentally ill on the streets begging now , also shoplifting has gone up massively

A friend who works with homeless people predicted this would happen with the Tory government

It's a combination of lockdown / lack of socialisation and the use of tech. I see many people just with their heads in their phones or listening to music rather than interact with someone next to them. Even groups who go out together seem to spend a lot of time on their phones rather than talking to the person opposite them. Even at work we communicate via Teams now rather than in person even if that person is in the same office sometimes.

@lovescats3 it's not even a homelessness/mentally ill/shoplifting increase.

Since covid or maybe it was there before, people are far more aggressive. Definitely black on white sometimes (but you can't say that here really!) but just aggression everywhere. No one moves for you, teens don't say excuse me or just stand as some did the other day messing around in front of a chicken shop and almost causing me to trip over.

But, there's a new incentive in schools apparently in London, to make lives less harsh, less detentions, exclusions etc as apparently kids excluded go on to offend and end up in prison. Good idea or not?

Many young people even before covid had mental health issues/anxiety etc.

It was all about woke/triggered etc. Which on some levels I agree with but on some levels me and other 80s/90s/00s people just think, can't you just move on and live your life?! My nana and grandad and their parents etc lived through WW1 and 2!

Also a lot of putting others down to make yourself look good going on.

Imho, it's a combination of things:

1. the weather and lack of proper quality sunlight really affects mood and shouldn't be underestimated this time of year.

2. we're all in a state of limbo given how fast our lives have changed in such a short period of time in terms of working (which is a huge part of most of our lives). Before it was the norm that most people would go into the office. Now we're a hybrid of wfh and office working, it means when you do go into the office, it's quiet and you never know who's going to be in so it's not like before. Wfh is great, but it's hard to feel connected to others or switch off (I do wonder how good it is for us really even though I love it...). For those who start new jobs in this new climate of mostly wfh, it's hard to make those real connections/friendships at work that do matter for our well-being/sense of belonging.

3. COL - we've become used to how cheap we're had things in terms of food and electronic goods. So many people are struggling to afford rent/food/basic bills so there is an undercurrent of worry all the time.

4. Inequality in the UK - the gap between the rich and poor is growing - I'm seeing malaise and apathy amongst young people I work with because they are realising that everything that they were told is not true - i.e. that they should work hard, go to university, get a job, buy a house etc. It comes down to inheritance and who you know in terms of being able to secure a 'good' comfortable life.

But it's not all doom and gloom - people are still nice and chatty! I wonder if it's a generational thing as those who are younger are feeling a sense of despair about their future prospects....

I think referring to London does skew perceptions though. The level of investment in infrastructure and public transport in London is orders of magnitude higher than everywhere else in the UK. It might as well be a different country for those of us living in regional villages, towns and cities. The malaise is very much there regionally due to chronic underinvestment. We used to get a lot of EU funded projects, now we don’t. The whole sea-defences in Whitby were built and paid for by EU funds - literally protecting the UK from eroding away. And there’s nothing to replace that.

I get you and this does seem unfair. But there's still lots of poverty in London. Where I work in Victoria there's lots of homeless people who usually have drug/alcohol issues, plus the beggars who are the organised crime gangs. I saw one woman being targeted by them and pickpocketed the other day in fairly broad daylight, luckily she noticed but got a tirade of abuse back.

Those of us who voted for Brexit are now reaping the consequences.

Also think London is a separate entity - it's like the golden child of the country and outlying areas are just scapegoats.

My town us allegedly "affluent" - South coast University town - and our council is in the top 6 for corruption.

One local enclave was scheduled for regeneration with grants and what not. It's recently been announced that after spending 300,000 on planning, the main focus - what could be described as a heritage building - will now not be refurbished because it would cost in the region of 11 million to do it. It's been batted around between private and public sectors for decades. The residential portion is empty, and the retail units are slowly emptying. Yeah, the bad vibe is strong with this one.

Totally agree, I think lockdown plus political echo chambers plus screen time has meant social skills have taken a real hit. I don't know if you're a reader but I read this book called "Living Together" by Mim Skinner and, inspired by that + feeling isolated has meant, me and my partner will most likely go live on a communal farm. Although that is just one of the types of communities there are out there - I really recommend that book if it's something that interests you. The one we are going for doesn't particularly have a big group think which is appealing to me, but there are communities based around all different stuff - entrepreneurialism, various religions and ideologies, naturism etc.

Apologies, not read the whole thread, but....
I think a part of it is that online, especially in anonomous forums, people will say what they think, whereas in real life people are more guarded, tactful, try to 'fit in' etc. What this means is that we're for the first time seeing what (some) people really think. In some parts this is a good thing - people have really opened up about grief, the 'me too' movement has started to bring about change in relation to violence against women, misogyny, sexism. People will talk about domestic violence, marital rape, child abuse which helps survivors see that they're not allone, and that there is the chance for justice. Politicians and their corruption are highlighted, and therefore challenged more.
However, the down side is the hate - that the misogyny has also found an outlet with incels getting together and swapping notes, racists, homophobes, transphobes, facists, extremists from all walks of life are being given a voice. I think it's made me realise that there are far more bigots out there, and for those people who probably in the most part thought their hatred was just them, they've found others feeling the same, and as such have become emboldened in their hatred as they feel like part of a clan. There are people who before may have silently seethed at home at their perceived injustices, who not will act on it, in groups.

Personally, there are a lot of people who I know casually, who I thought were quite nice before, whose opinions I've seen online, opinions that have really surprised and shocked me. I always thought of myself as a good judge of character, so maybe this realisation has led to me being less confident in my own abilities to identify the nice people.
In addition, global warming, hellish weather, wars in Ukraine, Gaza, the possibility of Trump getting back in, the feeling that politics here in the UK are really sliding, that they're all out to fleece the country and feeling powerless to do anything about it. Previously I'd (maybe naively) felt that most politicians were doing what they felt was right for the country, but now it feels like they're all just out to score points and get rich quick.

I honestly believe that this is the way people are supposed to live. Industrialisation, modern living, employment and cities have made us sick and reduced us to battery chickens, apart from the rich of course. If you can escape this hell, it's great. I'd love to live in a like minded community in the countryside🙃

With respect, I think you're mixing up two issues. Being sociable and going out in town spending money are not necessarily the same thing.

I too prefer the idea of a walk along the coast with chips than a fancy meal out. But I still like to be sociable, to spend time with others, laugh together, share thoughts. Enjoying the simple things - but together.

There was a brief window during 2020 that was quite lovely (for me personally, I know all circumstances were different). It was when the horror of isolation ended and we were allowed to socialise outdoors, or small groups indoors at points. But most places were still closed so people were meeting in the park, or having a bbq, or going for a walk together. The simple life, and inexpensive. (Obviously helped that it was summer!) It's this that's missing now - the desire to share and find joy in the small things together. There is a difference between a low-key quiet life and not being sociable.

I do wonder if some people in couples ever consider how life was before they met their partner, or indeed how and where they met, or what life would be like if their partner left or they didn't have one. Perhaps then they'd realise why sharing good times with more than one person matters.