To think there's an off/bad vibe out there?

[ARichSeamToMine]

Does the world feel "off"?
Sorry if this seems ranty, I'm really interested in the vote though.

I'm feeling like there's a weird vibe out there.

I live in London, meet a lot of people through work and am not just judging by my circle.

I've been struggling to articulate this.

I'm late 40s and have seen recessions etc before.

Was out in the City tonight and I would say bar and restaurant were busy for a Monday night, so good there. The street I was on had several completely closed offices, pubs and two gyms, which was sad.

I understand that changes in social habits have been affected by working patterns etc.

I just feel there is something else at play

I increasingly find that people are a bit...strange? We saw groups in the bar, who presumably went out together from choice, just gazing at their phones. I was never anti tech but I'm starting to wonder if there is something in the idea that it affects communication skills.

my friend is worried about her dad because he constantly watches videos of fights - this is a TV show in the US now I hear.

I know a lot of people in my age group feel very "meh" and have little enthusiasm for things, but it's not just middle age. I don't think so anyway.

I'm happy if people are happy, but starting to wonder if they are happy. I meet a lot of people who don't want to go out, are up at 5am walking a dog, they take care of themselves with a good diet, often vegan, don't drink alcohol.

I'm not saying any of these things are bad. I can see if the City is reasonably busy on a Monday night, hospitality must be recovering, which is great.

But something out in the world feels off...like people aren't interested in much.

My online creative writing group has almost no posts. The tutor is regularly cancelling workshops and looking to do online only.

I'm in touch with a couple of exes and we are staying friends but they seem to do nothing but gaming. One in particular has no friends and is not bothered.

I might get flamed but I do wonder if men are particularly prone to doing less stuff if they are single.

Again, that is fine if they are happy. But I get this sense that people aren't happy.

Social anxiety seems very much on the rise.

Just curious to know if others get this vibe.

YABU - people are fine and just living life as usual

YANBU - people are losing communication skills and becoming unhappy

I think maybe we think we are powerless to change things, but maybe we are not. Maybe if we all do our bit, like instill good manners in our kids and show them the importance of being nice and respectful to others etc and vote etc, things will change. Maybe we can put the contract back in place, there is a lot to be said for people power......

I tend to socialise with my family and don't spend much time with friends but that doesn't mean I'm lonely. Just that my favourite people are my family and I prioritise spending time with them over anyone else.

The poster may be fine, but this behaviour contributes to others being lonely, and to the fragmentation of the social world generally.

I think this is such an important point. I also love spending time with my immediate family, that doesn’t make me oblivious to the fact that not everyone is in a happy little bubble.

Also, circumstances can change quickly - what if you or your partner get seriously ill? Or become unemployed? Or you separate? And need support from outside?

Personally, I think it’s important to maintain a network outside one’s immediate family and look out for each other. It’s not always just about one’s own wellbeing.

Son was at university in Leeds after a lockdown, they went to a pub to celebrate. They weren't allowed inside. He was sitting on a wall shivering in the cold, suddenly thought what the hell am I doing drinking beer out of a plastic glass in freezing cold weather, his friends agreed so they went back to halls.

Shopping was the same in Cheshire oaks hand sanitizer at the entrance to every shop, someone guarding the entrance, with a clicker, one in one out, following lines and footprints round the stores. This was every store. Masks up and down every time. It was a miserable experience. The only upside was a boozy lunch. We spent very little in the shops that day.

The short answer is yes.

I think there are many factors at play here.

Tech advancements have been playing a part for a while as tech gets bigger and more immersive it was breaking down personal interactions already as was seen in younger generations. This was exacerbated further by COVID, add into that the fact that social media allowed people to say what they wished with little to no consequences. Now we have filters and AI advancement making us question the validity of anything we see. Add into that inept government at all levels with no prospect on the horizon of anyone remotely 'capable', war, COL, doom and gloom plastered to us on every level. We are told we need to be more politically correct and aware of others wants, wishes and needs than ever before, but its having the opposite effect and becoming toxic so that people are pushing back against it. We are more open to propaganda one every level than ever before thanks to our 'always switched on' position and its not doing anyone any favours.

This has led to people being suspicious, selfish, entitled, unable to have reasonable debate, unable to compute that their opinion it not the only one that matters or is valid and always looking for someone to blame rather than being capable of self-reflection. There is a complete lack of compassion, empathy, self-awareness and understanding for others. It is expected that when people demand things they will happen immediately thanks to our 'always on' culture.

It's an utter bloody shit show right now and I firmly believe that they are not wrong when they say that the human race will obliterate itself! I feel for my SS and I am grateful I have never had my own children right now.

I'm not sure I am mixing up the two issues. I was responding to a point saying an M&S meal deal is unromantic. It's not if both parties think it is romantic.

I don't see romance and socialising as the same thing. I am more than happy to share good times with the people close to me, my family and friends. That doesn't mean that to be romantic I have to be sociable. I can't fathom how spending an evening in a busy pub/restaurant surrounded by stranger could possibly be romantic. Some people love being out for a meal and consider being treated to that romantic. I do enjoy going out for a meal with my family to celebrate things and socialising with them. But it's not romance for me. Romance is shared with my partner. And takes many forms.

I also am well aware of what my life was like before I met him, and what it could look like without him. Doesn't skew my idea of romance though. I still wouldn't consider wine & dine romantic.

Personally, I think it’s important to maintain a network outside one’s immediate family and look out for each other. It’s not always just about one’s own wellbeing.

Pre covid we had after a period of bad luck a serious accident with Dh - leaving us very vulnerable - that network I'd spent so much time and energy on disappeared like it never existed- even our families were slow and begrudging with support. It hurt us - made us more insular and less incline to put effort in for a long time after - a move away helped there.

I know DH Uncle who had a large network of friends during covid no-one but his sibling bothered to phone him to see how he was alone and not a year since buying last parent who he'd been a full time carer for for over a decade - left him severely depressed. Even my IL very social people just didn't see some people and since then make less effort with those people.

I saw on here people talking about pruning their friends groups post covid - that plus it being often harder for a time to go out and ever more expensive - maybe people with less energy and time are making rational choices are where they spend them.

We were in holiday mode but we spent some time in London in summer in tourist bits and it did have a good vibe - though Liverpool year before also did and we realised it was first time in a shopping are post covid we'd seen actual crowds.

I'm sure people said the same at other points in history. In the 1980s people feared nuclear war and obilteration but I wasn't aware of it at all as a little kid. In the 1990s there was genocide in Europe and the IRA were still murdering people. In the 2000s there was 9/11and multiple other terror attacks. There's always something shit going on.

I don’t think friends are only useful if they rush to your aid during hard times though, I don’t see them as an insurance policy. I think the act of socialising itself is valuable - having fun, staying connected to other people, keeping your social skills sharp, having somebody to go to events with.

I agree. I’ve seen several posts on here (and elsewhere on social media) where people seem very anxious and at the same time very self-centred when it comes to interactions with others, way beyond establishing healthy boundaries.
I remember there was a thread on here where OP’s young child approached another child in a supermarket and the other mum had reacted in a seemingly standoffish way.
OP got several responses saying she should keep her toddler under control and that “nobody wants to be approached by a random kid while shopping”. It was a bit sad, really.

@Biddie191 I think your analysis has a lot of merit, scratching the surface has left a lot of views and experiences exposed, many of which are not pleasant.

But if there are still places in the world where community is strong and people don't feel things are 'off', then it isnt universal. I'm sure if mumsnet had existed in black death times, there would have been pages of doom sayers wringing their hands

I don't disagree but lack of reciprocal help when you been there for them - and then keeping distance being very flaky around going out for a long time afterwards - you do start to get jaded and wonder what the point and prioritize new friends or people who were there and do give you something back - even if that's being dependable to make plans with.

Some people have always had difficult opinions, that is not new. But there used to be more tolerance. I have a few friends who believe things I would argue about online with strangers. One believes covid was overblown and no worse than a cold. Another one believes various conspiracy theories.
I think today people expect incredibly high standards from friends that are unrealistic. You are not going to agree on everything. Sometimes you agree to disagree.

I would never ask for help from friends as I have close immediate family around me, and have never had the sorts of friends locally I would run to in an emergency, nor have I ever needed to be that sort of friend myself. Friends are for meeting up socially for a good chat, hobbies and good times afaic, not for burdening with all life's problems.

They would’ve been justified, half the country died!

@shearwater2 some people have no family. All my family are now dead, apart from my nuclear family.

Good post! If more and more of us act decently and raise our children to do the same the world could change for the better. The endless tirades across all forms of social media against those who have a different point of view from ourselves only serve to divide us. We should be prepared to listen to others and accept that it’s ok to think differently from them but we can still be friends even if our opinions don’t always coincide.

Anger and negativity are rife but instead of waiting for the government, any government, to change things we need to adopt more positive attitudes and start helping ourselves.

Please don’t say that I lead a charmed life, am rich or in good health because, sadly, none of those are true. I’m determined not to wallow in misery and wait for the government to rescue me though. Help, as they say, isn’t coming!

Erm, don’t you think the Black Death was a little bit inconvenient to say the least? You must have a very Pollyanna like attitude to things 😮 Takes all sorts though 👍🏻

Yes that will apply to many. But I think my situation does too, lots of people don't have super close friends either.

I was just wondering if people were hunkering down before adjusting their social networks.

I was thinking about time I could have done with max 30 minutes of help for school child as couldn't guarantee get back with transport and hospital visiting times and end of school- and there were no places in after school club or child minders and it was difference between seeing seriously ill husband or not - and had to go with not bar first few days when I took eldest out of school early.

Given that I'd done hours at weekends and evening of having their kids for friends in a bind - I was taken aback not just at lack of help though people are busy- but even more so at being avoided even after DH was out of hospital and on mend not invited to social events previously would have been- then 6 month later oh can you help me out by having my kids all day Saturday then having their shock at my polite no.

Then MN it's your fault for not having a different family and having any expectations of friends - when in RL I did what most did focused on my immediate family DH and kids got better and went out and found better people to spend time with.

Yeah, the Black Death would have been a bad vibe for sure, what with half the population dying in front of you, if you survived. In comparison....

I do think we're most definitely experiencing difficult times. The cost of living is through the roof at the moment and many, many people are struggling. I know quite a few people who are fortunate and doing well but I do wonder how one earth the majority of people are managing. We have a fairly high household income but our savings have rapidly plummeted as we adapt to the higher cost of living.
There's also the global political unrest that's making people nervous - Russia, Ukraine, Palestine, a geriatric president of the US and the possibility of Trump coming back. The dissatisfaction with our own government and lack of clear policies from labour. I think all this is very unsettling.
Add to this Covid and lockdowns which turned many lives upside down. People are still suffering the knock on effects of this.
I also felt this country changed a great deal after Brexit. Xenophobia became socially acceptable all of a sudden, there's now a skills shortage because many Europeans can't or don't want to work here. The image of our country suffered around the world. I feel there's a huge divide in this country between those described as "woke" and the more right wing side of society.

@RhubarbGingerJam I have some friends that do help others. But I also found out who was selfish, and I will go out and have a laugh with them, but I never help them with anything.

I very much agree with this. Husband and I late 30's/early 40s and we love to entertain, have people round, have other kids round, but it is rarely reciprocated. Families seem more insular and in their own little bubbles and people are no where near as social/welcoming as previous generations. Is it COVID, Tech, COL? i dont know

I agree cost of living is a major issue. Our income has plummeted and we are using savings.