To think there's an off/bad vibe out there?

[ARichSeamToMine]

Does the world feel "off"?
Sorry if this seems ranty, I'm really interested in the vote though.

I'm feeling like there's a weird vibe out there.

I live in London, meet a lot of people through work and am not just judging by my circle.

I've been struggling to articulate this.

I'm late 40s and have seen recessions etc before.

Was out in the City tonight and I would say bar and restaurant were busy for a Monday night, so good there. The street I was on had several completely closed offices, pubs and two gyms, which was sad.

I understand that changes in social habits have been affected by working patterns etc.

I just feel there is something else at play

I increasingly find that people are a bit...strange? We saw groups in the bar, who presumably went out together from choice, just gazing at their phones. I was never anti tech but I'm starting to wonder if there is something in the idea that it affects communication skills.

my friend is worried about her dad because he constantly watches videos of fights - this is a TV show in the US now I hear.

I know a lot of people in my age group feel very "meh" and have little enthusiasm for things, but it's not just middle age. I don't think so anyway.

I'm happy if people are happy, but starting to wonder if they are happy. I meet a lot of people who don't want to go out, are up at 5am walking a dog, they take care of themselves with a good diet, often vegan, don't drink alcohol.

I'm not saying any of these things are bad. I can see if the City is reasonably busy on a Monday night, hospitality must be recovering, which is great.

But something out in the world feels off...like people aren't interested in much.

My online creative writing group has almost no posts. The tutor is regularly cancelling workshops and looking to do online only.

I'm in touch with a couple of exes and we are staying friends but they seem to do nothing but gaming. One in particular has no friends and is not bothered.

I might get flamed but I do wonder if men are particularly prone to doing less stuff if they are single.

Again, that is fine if they are happy. But I get this sense that people aren't happy.

Social anxiety seems very much on the rise.

Just curious to know if others get this vibe.

YABU - people are fine and just living life as usual

YANBU - people are losing communication skills and becoming unhappy

In fairness @CopperLion no eye contact on the tube is pretty much the law and nothing new!

I agree with this, I live in an area where if your child is at preschool, playgroups, infant/junior school then you have a community you can belong to, it is all encompassing. I live in a city but there are pockets of communities centered around the infant/junior schools everywhere. The local hall regularly runs events for the neighborhood and the committees to run things have a cross section of events. For example, every week in the day, there is a homemade soup lunch and chat. There was a curry and music quiz night before Christmas, always Halloween, Christmas parties/discos for children, table tennis club for all ages. There is a new drive from parents with young children to limit the intrusion of technology on their childhoods, one thing they did recently was to have a children's film in the hall for a £2 and that included refreshments. They had successful street parties with some teenagers performing in their band. Last summer they had a band that played together back in the 90s, my DD with her friends were backing singers they were 11 at the time. However, we don't live as near to this area now, my DD is at secondary school and I definitely feel much more socially isolated. I'm an introvert and WFH 3 days a week, my DH is often away for work so my interactions are limited. I noticed when I went out with these friends at Christmas, how alive I felt again. At one Christmas party I went to the discussion turned to the 1974 work of performance artist, Marina Abramović where people could do whatever they wished to her with the 70 odd items laid on the table, including a loaded gun. The conversation was intellectually stimulating and absorbing as I knew nothing about this artist. I realised that my only source of Information outside my work and DH's and DC's everyday conversation for most of 2023 had been from my phone, the lack of social connections is really problematic for humans. I watched the Blue Zone documentary on Netflix and it pretty much outlines the necessity of social interaction and intellectual stimulation for a healthy and long life. Depressingly, my youngest is generation Alpha, the digital generation that have grown up with screens and where technology will define who they are. I see the hugely detrimental issues with that, the surveillance on these children at school with Ed tech, their performance, their behaviour, their every being is an assessment point. It is truly damaging and isolated the children and makes them feel inadequate as there is not let up. My eldest is nearly 17 and he does go to parties and socialise, he is studying Politics so does have an informed opinion and interest in what is going on the world but it isn't anywhere near I was doing as a 17 year old in the mid nineties. He does listen to music but loads of it is bands I liked or older, it's the same with his friends, where is their generation's collective interests, I just don't see it.

That was long winded but I think collectivism is what is missing, it is better for people's mental health. I am watching the Miner's Strike Documentary at the moment and it is interesting that the feelings about the situation were so strong as it wasn't just a job, it was about a way of life, the destruction of a community and the security that goes with that.

Because they've not been to a big city in a different country recently no doubt. Half the time they're also those "why would you ever want to leave the UK, there's so much here, a lifetime of things to do and nothing else in the world worth seeing" types.

You really are in complete denial about what happened in NZ and how it was perceived by the outside world aren't you? Everyone had been getting on with their lives for months in Europe and the rest of the world whilst you were still refusing to let your own citizens back in to their own country 🥺

Sorry, yes it's derailing the thread so let's agree to disagree @IloveAslan

Personally I think the way we're being governed you'd expect people to be on the streets protesting at the utter shitshow the Tories have presided over and the collapse in public service and rampant cronyism and corruption.

instead the Only thing that gets people on the streets protesting is a conflict in the middle east we've got nothing really to do with and is never ending.

I recorded that ages ago. Keep meaning to watch. Being Welsh I remember a lot

Agreed 👍🏻 We need a total change in the way we are governed. I have no faith whatsoever in the two party system. It stifles change completely and change is what we bloody well need. Middle Eastern conflicts are horrible but, as you say, never ending and we should help ourselves first before helping others in the same manner that we’re instructed to put on our own oxygen masks first.

We absolutely do need to develop a strong national identity and rally round as a united community but, as I stated in my previous post, any show of pride in our country is frowned upon. We’re instructed to feel ashamed of our religion if it’s anything remotely Christian, our flag is seen as being on being on a par with a swastika and all our institutions and cultural practices are seen as abhorrent because they are ‘racism’, ‘colonialist’, ‘sexist’, transphobic’ and they might ‘exclude’ someone.

It’s actually impossible to be all things to all people so we need to decide what we do value about our country and spread the word without fear of censure. I’m all for building a community here in the UK. Everyone is welcome but we must exclude bad faith actors, those who do not share our community goals etc.

All religions should be free to practice their faith, provided they are not actively harming anyone and you should be free to have no religious beliefs. Acting for the common good, obeying the law and working to make the country a better place to live should be the goal of each and every one of us. We cannot rely on corrupt, uncaring, stupid politicians to help us. We need to form a collective backbone, find common ground and set to to build a country we’re happy for ourselves and our children to inhabit.

Anyone got a flag I could borrow? 🤣

My DH's Dad was from the North East, I never met him as he died quite young but it is a mining community, his Nan was actually born in Ireland, we went to her 90th party and my DC were young, it was an eye opening experience, miners bands playing at her 90th, a real warmth of feeling, well certainly compared to our existence in the South East. I feel I need my DC to know about their heritage and the efforts people went to, my parents were 1960s young socialists and my childhood was full of canvassing and social events connected with politics. I think that makes you understand the importance of collective purpose but I'm not sure my DC get that, despite my eldest studying politics A level, he's interested but I feel sad for them, like they're resigned to the world being the way it is.

That sounds a bit patronising on reading it but I think I meant it was just great to be a part of a community, everyone was really welcoming and chatty but in a way that makes you feel comfortable not in a monologue way.

I'm trying very hard not to do this, my kids aren't toddlers anymore and I'm trying to have a life outside of them, meeting up with friends without kids at weekends occasionally etc. They are the biggest part of my life, but they aren't my whole life, and one day they'll be grown up and I need a life of my own, life with my husband, work etc.

I have a friend who is completely consumed by her kids and it's not fun to be around. She's obsessed by them and expects me to be too, it's very intense, not having normal chats about kids like I do with other mums, but pouring over every tiny detail.

Living through your children is not healthy IMO

I think the whole ‘me and my little family’ culture doesn’t help.

Absolutely. I read a lot of threads on here from people who focused completely on their kids when they were younger, and then all of a sudden, their kids are grown and they have nothing because they spent years neglecting all their friendships.

I know a lot of people IRL who never seem to do anything without their kids and partners and while I understanding loving your family, it's surely not very healthy to spend all your time with them?

I watched a YouTube video about, covid vaccinated people have become more angry. Not sure if its true, just putting it out there.

I think it’s because you can make being a mum a full identity now in the way you couldn’t before. It can be your job, hobby, and purpose all wrapped up in one. When I was a child there were no mumfluencers, no organic cotton clothing, no online communities of home schoolers, gentle parenters, baby lead weaning, breastfeeding and cosleeping types. You had to be odd and a bit of a hippy to be interested in all that, most people didn’t overthink it and just got on with the day to day.

With the internet, virtually anyone can transform themselves into a ‘parenting expert’ and gain attention, followers and general life validation.

I’ve just been reading about Angels. That’s bullshit too.

Just putting it out there.

I had a very similar experience.
We decided to move here after Brexit (my husband is British, I’m not), and I was very nervous after all that I had read online. I thought I would encounter lots of hostility as an immigrant.
That didn’t happen at all.
I think some people in the UK tend to put themselves and the country down, as if it was the worst place, where nothing worked and people were hostile. That’s not necessarily true though.
A friend from Berlin visited recently and was surprised how friendly and helpful everyone was - and that was in London.

Yes exactly you definitely can't make eye contact on the tube!!
I remember my dad joking back in the early 90s if he accidentally made eye contact with someone you'd both internally panic and start looking anywhere else but at them again!

It was how life must have felt years ago when we didn’t grind out daily commutes on packed roads, but lived and worked in our communities instead. I spent so much more time with my children, and that time wasn’t spent coaching homework, getting them to give me their washing, going on financially extractive days out or any of that. It was slow paced, creative, collaborative stuff. Sometimes involving tech - whole family Minecraft challenges - but we had time for it. I used to leave home 6am every day and get back at 8:30pm or later. And then I didn’t have to. I had time for the people who matter to me and we had fun.

Well said

Work/life balance is getting worse, everyone is tired and cold. It's hard to justify spending money on a lot of things people used to enjoy as prices have become too high. Also time of year doesn't help. I'm just waiting it out for the warmer longer days.
It's easier and cheaper to play video games with friends than it is to meet up and do something. It's hard to juggle work/social/chores/rest. So many reasons. Ultimately I think its money and time sprinkled with cold dark days.

I've been ill for a while and finally got to go out after 4 years, I absolutely agree. I'd go further, people seem more confused over basics, it's really strange. My son described it as its the same people but as if they've changed and most of them don't even realise it. Sometimes like your post someone will talk about it and it's a relief to know it's not just us bunch that see it. Maybe it's a side effect of so many stressors all at once so they're on survival mode.

Actually I’m glad to hear someone else saying this, thought I was going mad, getting paranoid or just heading for depression 😕. There’s an apathy about that I’ve noticed from North to South, East to West. Apathy seems to spread faster than a virus.

Novels were the anti Christ in the Victorian era. Then TV. Then games. Now smart phones.

WfH is more practical for a lot of people, usually mothers in particular.

People are angry because despite working harder and longer, there is less and less to show for it except a few billionaires and the world being on fire.