To think there's an off/bad vibe out there?

[ARichSeamToMine]

Does the world feel "off"?
Sorry if this seems ranty, I'm really interested in the vote though.

I'm feeling like there's a weird vibe out there.

I live in London, meet a lot of people through work and am not just judging by my circle.

I've been struggling to articulate this.

I'm late 40s and have seen recessions etc before.

Was out in the City tonight and I would say bar and restaurant were busy for a Monday night, so good there. The street I was on had several completely closed offices, pubs and two gyms, which was sad.

I understand that changes in social habits have been affected by working patterns etc.

I just feel there is something else at play

I increasingly find that people are a bit...strange? We saw groups in the bar, who presumably went out together from choice, just gazing at their phones. I was never anti tech but I'm starting to wonder if there is something in the idea that it affects communication skills.

my friend is worried about her dad because he constantly watches videos of fights - this is a TV show in the US now I hear.

I know a lot of people in my age group feel very "meh" and have little enthusiasm for things, but it's not just middle age. I don't think so anyway.

I'm happy if people are happy, but starting to wonder if they are happy. I meet a lot of people who don't want to go out, are up at 5am walking a dog, they take care of themselves with a good diet, often vegan, don't drink alcohol.

I'm not saying any of these things are bad. I can see if the City is reasonably busy on a Monday night, hospitality must be recovering, which is great.

But something out in the world feels off...like people aren't interested in much.

My online creative writing group has almost no posts. The tutor is regularly cancelling workshops and looking to do online only.

I'm in touch with a couple of exes and we are staying friends but they seem to do nothing but gaming. One in particular has no friends and is not bothered.

I might get flamed but I do wonder if men are particularly prone to doing less stuff if they are single.

Again, that is fine if they are happy. But I get this sense that people aren't happy.

Social anxiety seems very much on the rise.

Just curious to know if others get this vibe.

YABU - people are fine and just living life as usual

YANBU - people are losing communication skills and becoming unhappy

Our government is blatantly and unashamedly pillaging the country for personal gain. There's not even any attempt to hide how MPs are lining their own pockets and hoarding wealth whilst normal people struggle to pay rent/mortgages and feed their children. There's a definite feel of impotent despair, "what can we do about it?"

We could take note of the French, a general strike to make the govt take notice, and call for a general election, and if that doesn't work, we may have to seriously consider some kind of revolution or coup. There is enough money in the economy to give everyone a decent life, but it's being spaffed on PPE and fracking contracts to Tory cronies. It's got to stop.

The planet is in a bad way; we had Covid; we have a crap government; we are still suffering from Brexit (though the government will never admit it). On top of that, we have the dreadful situation in Ukraine and Gaza where evil seems to prevail over the lives of populations; some people can't afford to heat their homes and we constantly hear about the need for food banks. Now the press are banging on about World War 3. It's not surprising people are acting in the way you describe. I am a senior and never likely to see the happy times we had pre-Brexit, in what remains of my lifetime. I worry for the future of my grandkids. I wish everyone would stop the fighting and spending vast sums putting rockets into space and instead use resources for the good of the planet, but that 'aint going to happen. I agree with Just Stop Oil - they have a point. Yes they do cause disruption, but if they don't who will listen?

Another area that think just adds to the feeling of ‘meh’ is attitudes at work. We are now expected to work unpaid overtime, any ‘social’ events at work never include friends and family any more (when previously it was seen as a thank you for the odd times when work encroached on home life) plus we often have to pay for elements of all of the work organised ‘fun’.

Attitudes at work seem to exclude any common courtesy, compassion or even acknowledgment of employees being human and not resources/assets to be sweated. Lots of cheery posters and mission statements about being kind and watching out for others not being matched by deeds of senior management - in fact company culture pulling in quite the opposite direction.

Our lot seem to think it’s fine to ask us to pay for drinks at our Christmas do because the company is watching the pennies due to CoL - while delaying our annual pay review! Is the CoL not affecting employees then?

YABU. I have a good social life with lots of friends. I am guilty of scrolling a lot and I also play games, but not to the detriment of other things. Where I live there are lots of restaurants and bars, they are very, very busy at the weekends, not so sure during the week. We tend to go local on weeknights and pubs with quizzes are really popular with all age groups. I don't scroll on my phone when I'm out and I don't see people doing this. I do however remember that the last time I was in London I did notice how many people were glued to their phones when out. Maybe it's a London thing OP.

I totally agree , it’s odd , I’ve tried to say this to people on a round about way and people don’t get me .

ive also noticed road rage is so much worse and angry drivers , I’ve been driving years so have deffo seen a change , just something feels off …. Going go and read what others are saying about it now

God that’s made me feel so old 🤣🤣🤣

I am a bit of a people watcher, I don't stare obviously, but I notice people and how they appear. And I have noticed in the last couple of years, that people seem closed off, less engaging? They walk along like zombies, looking totally blank. There seems to be very little in the way of conversations/banter, in shops, not in any way like there used to be.
A lot of people seem like automatons, just going through the motions. It puzzles me. It's like their life force has been sucked out of them?
I tend to notice this more, because our county is one that has always been noted for being friendly. That seems to have gone now.

There seem to be so many things which you can't do anything to change except recycling! Electronics have widened our horizons but shut down communication. Having to put phones in a basket at the table seems impossible to enforce. Watching the world being taken over by China, India lending money that countries can't afford to payback then taking their ports instead. The world as we knew it is disappearing fast but you don't hear much about it. News broadcasts are nothing but depressing and you don't even have a clue it's real or fake.

This. Everything feels slightly unreal but almost too real, overwhelmingly so, at the same time. It's a weird cognitive dissonance, and a lot of people I engage with don't seem to be coping well with it.

A lot of people got used to staying at home over the multiple lockdowns and have lost the motivation or confidence to socialise in person. SAH, WFH has become the new normal. In the early days, April/ May/June 2020, everyone was clamouring to get Teams and Zoom up and running and in use. We struggled to acclimatise to not being in the same room. Now it's rare to have meetings or training in person. It used to be very much frowned on not to travel for meetings. Now it's the other way around.

I've tried twice in the last couple of months to organise a team get-together. Both times, people either said they couldn't come or didn't bother to respond at all. Our team used to love getting together outside of work as the job is so stressful. No longer. People who initially railed against not working in the office now don't want to leave their homes. We are losing touch with each other.

Conversely, my online friendships have remained strong and supportive. Some online communities who ban politics and religion talk seem happier places to be than the ones where people are talking about the various wars/ occupations/ human rights atrocities and the political dumpster fire so much of the world seems to be experiencing, unsurprisingly, but there does seem to be an exhaustion with it all that pervades all groups, as if being content or even happy is a fleeting thing amongst all the other weirdness and stresses. I don't think it's age. I think it's over-exposure to traumatic events over a long time period with no respite. I think we're all just waiting for the next shoe to drop, existing in pre-fight or flight mode. And that is exhausting.

I find the number of people sleeping rough in tents in parks, high streets and under bridges really sad and no one seems to be doing anything about it. Also scores of teenagers are dying in knife crime each year in this country and again nothing concrete is being done by the government.

You described me - up at 5am walking my dog, take care of myself etc but I feel meh
I don’t have the same energy to put into work in particular as I have for most of my life.
I recently quit a wfh job and went to one that meant I was out more and quickly realised I’m not up for that. So have gone freelance to carry on wfh

Im not sure what’s wrong, I like people and used to love going into work

I certainly can’t be bothered to go out much either

I have felt this for a while, I used to think it was just me. I feel people are just worn down by everything that's happened, Covid, wars, economic hardship for many and people are behaving in a post trauma state.

For me personally, Covid times changed the way I was. No longer spending time with people that I’d previously spent time with. I became used to not seeing them or not going out. It just became the norm.

I feel the terror of covid time , had left us with a kind of ptsd , I’ve noticed it to a huge change in everyone, my 20 year old said all the younger people out and about are intensely angry.
we all need to heal , but that’s difficult when the country is going to hell in a hand cart
unfortunately I think labour will make it worse when they get in
wish the Green Party would get their shit together

I posted earlier in the thread and have been thinking further. Two thoughts I've had are:

Polarised politics have fed off the echo chamber of social media, and social media is feeding off polarised politics. We've never been further apart from each other, while in each other's company. People are so worn down by CoL, the stress of war and the pandemic and Brexit, they don't have the energy to stray from their comfort zone. And there's plenty encouraging them to stay there, welcoming them deeper into that zone, making them more isolated.

My tween DD has been dealing with one friendship that she can't get her head around. She's known this girl since they were toddlers, been at the same pre-school and school albeit not best buddies. They'd become closer immediately post-covid, spent quite a lot of time together. But she's reporting that the other girl's responses and reactions to things are weird, unpredictable, come out of nowhere, volatile. I suggested that maybe she had stuff going on in her home life, and to be there but not pry. Subsequently bumped into the mum and it seems everything's going from strength to strength at home. It just hit my like a brick that this girl is probably living a lot of her life online (given what's going on at home), and she's become out of kilter with the real world. She's bringing online attitudes, tendencies, issues, stances into her real world - and they just don't jive. It wouldn't be a stretch to think that gone unchecked, this could be a serious problem just a couple of years from now.

we scroll through news of war, invasion, mass killings alongside celeb news, social posts devoid of any meaning, ads. our brain is learning to gather meaning and dissociate at increasing speed. real life speed is not as stimulating as the screen.
the world is in a horrible state, social ties that held people together are gone, economically and morally there is sense of injustice, no change in sight. of course there’s a bad vibe out there!

There felt like a selfish shift during covid times. Where people looked out for themselves, they stopped interacting in shops because of masks and now other people are an inconvenience in your way.
people used to smile, apologise or say thank you.
now it’s tuts, aggression and being blanked.

it’s carried on since Covid and just got worse.

@MoonWoman69
I'm beginning to think I live in a different world to you (and lots of other posters!). Here, people say hello to each other when walking past, shop assistants chat (sometimes I need to open a conversation, but I'm a bit gobby!) and last Saturday we hosted an afternoon cake tasting for the new neighbours to meet older neighbours. Our church had 130 attendees last Sunday morning and there are after service English lessons for a largish group. Social interaction is the norm around here....

I’m still blaming covid! I hardly see my friends now and lots of bars etc near me are closing. Me and my husband were out collecting food from a restaurant in our local town recently and both were thinking back to 10yrs ago they place would have been heaving!! I also think the way people dress on a night has changed too. All very casual now.

Totally agree @ARichSeamToMine I am very mindful of going out - not sure why? But maybe more ingrained following C19. I feel bad for my sons who were living away at Uni prior to Covid but who have completed their degrees have now come back home to live due to CoL issues. Their friends have done the same and friendships including girlfriends are suffering from non contact and I guess that this will be a long term scenario. They are reluctant to go down the dating app route and I worry about the long term effects on relationships going forward.

It's not fuddy duddy to want to look into someone's eyes as they're talking.
We haven't evolved to deal with only tech contact.......and there is a price to be paid.

@Grimchmas - your comment re: listening to audio books so you could multi task really hit a nerve with me. I think we (including myself) are under so much pressure to be productive at all times we've forgotten how to do things just for pleasure. Scrolling is not allowing our mind to relax like heading out with friends nor is it stimulating our brain like a good book. I first started commuting into the city over 20 years ago. Back then the 8:10 train was the busiest in the morning know it's the 7am train. People used to sit and read a paper or book or chat to fellow commuter friends. Now most people are working or on their phones.

I also think the constant doom of rolling news doesn't help. I remember the start of the last gulf war and it was much easier to avoid if you wanted to. Equally I remember the last Tory government and the sleaze era but again you could avoid it all without much effort.

Added to all that is the fact that most of us are more skint than we've ever been and it all makes for a pretty bleak time.

Obviously I try to keep it buoyant for the sake of DC but I do find myself longing for the before times.

It's the end of a long winter. No good weather in sight. The world is at war. The UK keeps striking. But Jan and Feb are always the most miserable/ highest suicide months in the calendar.

I think the world was caught up in a belief you ought to do things.

When I was a kid, being on the PTA or a governor of a school was a real honour. I was so proud when my Dad was chosen to be treasurer. Twenty years ago people competed to be on a Committee. Now you have to beg people to take an interest. People were on committees etc because they felt it was the right thing to do and it was what you did.

I've found the same is true of Theatre Societies. It's really difficult to get casts now and where there used to be ten people auditioning for a part you've got two. People just don't feel they must be part of something anymore.

It's possibly a selfish apathy. The world is definitely in recovery post-Covid. We are just exhausted. I think the idea of social exhaustion - something associated with ASD - has actually affected everyone. The relief of being able to say you don't fancy going out. It's become far more socially acceptable to not want to go to the pub but stay in instead.

We've also got a generation of kids who've learnt to communicate online and been educated virtually. They don't go out to pubs in the evening or go out on dates. They meet up with friends online or go out for coffee.

And I grew up with grandparents who used to watch a TV programme then turn it off. Now you can pretty much always find something to watch. So the need to leave the comfort of your home is diminished. We've also got into a habit of home entertainment due to lockdown.

It is a brave new world out there and we've created kids whose lifestyles are completely different to ours. So much is no longer legal before 18 that most aren't doing what we got up to 😂. I don't know if it's better or worse. Sometimes I feel we've slipped back into an earlier age in terms of relationship development.

I remember a line from a Martin Amis book saying that sensation over feeling was being prioritised, and it seems to me he was making a prescient prediction.