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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

If money was no object, how many kids would you have?

150 replies

Trueqe · 18/02/2024 22:40

I have a friend who said to me the other day that there is a window for childbearing and in her opinion the goal is to have as many as we can whilst we can….money is no object for her as she is very rich.

I always end up feeling less maternal as I don’t agree with this at all. I have two kids and want to give them the best of me, having more than that, I just feel I’d be outnumbered and knackered and even if money were no object I really think I’d feel the same way.

Curious to see how other people feel?

YANBU - I’d stick with the number I’ve got if money was no object
YABU - Hell yeah, if I was loaded I’d have more, the more the better

OP posts:
greenmarsupial · 18/02/2024 23:14

I have three but would have liked four if I could have afforded to, I can imagine a big ramshackle farmhouse full of children. It's not just about money though, I had a specific career as it worked ok around the children and have just had a career change. I would have been too old if I had waited for number four to be old enough.

Original poster
Trueqe · 18/02/2024 23:16

Some really interesting replies here. Seems like it’s really 50/50 so far…

My reasons for not wanting more are

  • I’m fatter after our second and don’t want to be obese after a third!
  • I guess I’m a bit highly strung so just feel more than two would put me on edge with the constant noise, mess and ‘full on’ house. I absolutely love the busy-ness of two, it feels perfect and enough for me.
  • I wouldn’t want to hire a nanny to do the daily grind even though it’s hard I feel like I’d want to do it all myself
  • More than anything else, I just don’t feel the desire. In fact the opposite, I feel really happy with two and completely done. I love them to bits but have absolutely zero desire for more. I wonder if sometimes it’s a hormonal thing that makes women want more? Or is that too simplistic a take on it?
OP posts:
Tatonka · 18/02/2024 23:18

Probably one. Two at most. More than money, you need tome & energy

ducksinarow123 · 18/02/2024 23:18

I've always said if I could afford a surrogate and a nanny I'd have more children so if money was no object I could see myself with another 2 at least

MonsteraMama · 18/02/2024 23:19

I'd stick with the one I've got, she's great, and she's off to uni in a couple more years so if money were no object I'd be off to bask in the sun somewhere gorgeous and tropical drinking mojitos and being waited on hand and foot by beautiful men.

Cornishclio · 18/02/2024 23:20

Still only two.

ChelseeDagger · 18/02/2024 23:22

The thing is;

No matter how much money you have there are still sacrifices to be made as a mum of 3/4 plus.

If you want to be present as a parent for all of those children then you necessarily won't have time for the same social life as your friends with less DC.
My friends are always having dinner dates and nights out whilst I'm home with my DH and DC or ferrying somebody about. Now, I'm fine with this but money wouldn't change a thing quite frankly.

It's about the life you want. You can't have a career, lots of DC, a good relationship and a full social life with lots of friends. Something has to fall by the wayside and due to priorities it will be your social life, unless yiu aren't career minded; in which case, where is the money coming from?

Chickenkeev · 18/02/2024 23:22

I would have liked a second but couldn't afford it. We had to think of future costs for the one we had. And tbh I think it was the right decision.

Allican · 18/02/2024 23:23

We have 3 but I’d try for number 4 if money was no object

guineasgalore · 18/02/2024 23:23

Got 3 but if I'd started earlier would have liked at least one more - not sure DH would have agreed though...

Fizbosshoes · 18/02/2024 23:24

2 reasons i decided against having a third child were that my mum had died and I was unsure I could do it without her support (mainly emotional rather than childcare) , and the age of DH (he is older than me). No amount of money could change either of those things.

Lizzieregina · 18/02/2024 23:27

I wanted 4 but stopped at 3 due to miserable pregnancies. Money wouldn’t have changed that.

Xmasbaby11 · 18/02/2024 23:29

I have 2 and that’s what I wanted. In another life, where I was richer and met dh 10 years earlier, maybe I’d have wanted more. It’s hard to imagine. I find 2 a lot of work but also I felt a strong sense of completion when dd2 was born.

I am envious of parents who can handle 3 and take it in their stride - I don’t think I have it in me regardless of money!

TeenLifeMum · 18/02/2024 23:30

Three but finances meant we planned two… then number two was twins so we got three and seem to be doing fine.

BiscuitDreams · 18/02/2024 23:30

I would absolutely love a second and feel that if I contributed financially more DH would be more on board with having two. But I'm getting on now so it's probably not going to happen now anyway. :(

If I were actually minted I would seriously look into adoption though. I don't think it's something we could do currently as my income isn't particularly steady.

Astridastro · 18/02/2024 23:32

I have four and if money was no object I would still only have had four, I don’t think my body or my mind could have had anymore four was my number.

TheChosenTwo · 18/02/2024 23:32

We stopped at 3, not for financial reasons but because the third took a toll on my body (not aesthetically although it definitely did that too! but physically I was in a mess). We always had the idea of 3, I’m one of 3 as is dh, 3 felt like just the right number for us.

Pigglyplaystruant99 · 18/02/2024 23:33

Two and as much help as I could afford.

HangingStars · 18/02/2024 23:34

We had always been on the fence between 2 and 3, had 2, then had a surprise 3rd a few years later…..not a chance in hell would I have any more, my capacity for meeting all their needs is stretched so thin that I sometimes think 3 is too many. Much as I love them all, they are bloody hard work. But stress about money is a large factor I guess, so if money was no object I would stick with 3, but would probably enjoy it more!

daysfilledwithdappledlight · 18/02/2024 23:35

Time was what I lacked and was the greatest factor in the number.

I had one, but if I'd been able to start earlier I'd of loved to have had 3 or 4.

CheshireCat1 · 18/02/2024 23:36

I’ve got three and looking back I wished I’d have had six, regardless of the money situation.

jhy · 18/02/2024 23:39

If money was no object I've have 2. I have one but am unable to carry another. So I'd pay for the surrogate route. My only child would love a sibling.

ASundayWellSpent · 18/02/2024 23:39

I would have chosen to have 4. Money constraints meant we stopped at 2.

theduchessofspork · 18/02/2024 23:40

None

But it is too late

haha

Namemchangeforthispostonly101 · 18/02/2024 23:40

This reply has been withdrawn

The OP has privacy concerns, so we've agreed to take this down now.