Is my life a shambles?

[clickyourredshoestogether3times]

There's 4 of us. 2 adults 2 primary children. All children ours no blended families

Hubby works but is self employed so understand has quiet periods

I was working in retail but lost my job last year and have been on the hunt ever since but it's tough going

We privately rent but a lot of our monthly money is UC as my earnings are nil and his can be low like around 1200

We do manage but I feel like will it ever get easier?

Also would u judge me based on the above

I judge you for listing 'no blended families' in your first sentence, like that makes you superior.

Why would someone judge you? I'd judge them for judging you.

Good luck on the job hunt. Hope you find something soon.

I wouldn’t judge you, but I think that it’s very important that you’re working as DH is self employed. Financially you need to be the one in a permanent job, paying pension. I hope he has a private pension?

What do you mean judge you? Judge you in what way. Your life is what it is. I’m assuming neither of you chose to rely on benefits, it is what it is.

i don’t understand the no blended families comment, I judge you for that.

Not sure why no blended family is worth mentioning but you seem like a typical family working and providing for your family. Nothing shambles about it.

No I wouldn’t judge you. What did you do in retail? What would you like to do now?

I presume the OP mentioned no blended family to clarify there isn't Child maintenance coming in or out.

What area are you in OP? It sounds a struggle (as life is for many at the moment) but I'm wondering where you are that it's impossible to find another retail job, as there are loads of vacancies in many areas and it's hard to recruit staff

That’s an odd response, she doesn’t work, she lost her job, and he earns significantly below min wage, so they rely on benefits, that’s the whole point of her op. They are not working and providing.

It sounds tough actually, I'd be worried about your financial insecurity if I was your friend.

I worry you haven't managed to secure another retail job in a year, places are crying out for staff

I mentioned about the blended families thing cos so many ppl on here seem to have that set up so I was just merely explaining my own situation. It wasn't meant to be goady I was just outlining my own personal situation

I'm open to doing any jobs. My main experience is office but so many I've found want days or hours I can't do due to childcare which is why I've settled in retail as I can do a few days in the week plus a weekend day. I'm also considering care work and have been looking into it this weekend

Hubby does not have a private pension. I do but he doesn't. He's very relaxed about money and lives week by week whereas I plan more. My private pension won't include him as anything can happen but I've told him if he needs help setting one up with a DD etc each month then I'll help him with the admin but ultimately I'm not his mother and he needs to get on with it himself

Why do I think ppl would judge me? Cos this is Mumsnet and it's what happens and safely so many ppl on here have much higher salaries than us well into 50k and above and most seem to have their own houses etc

Try working at McDonalds. Don't be fussy about what type of retail, I mean. I keep seeing HIRING on their wiondows.
A friend ended up on quite a good wage as a manager of an outlet.
Is there any way you can value add to DH business?

@vodka4mum it hasn't been a year, I said I lost my job last test but I didn't say when. I've only actually been out of work since just before Xmas so not all that long

Last year not last test! lol

So if you divorce he will be entitled to half of your pension. He needs to get his own so that you are entitled to half of his too. Otherwise you will lose out financially.

If you're married doesn't he have a 50 50 claim to your pension anyway? Esp if you divorce.

Ooh interesting that I didn't know about divorce impacts etc. that's useful to know. I know this might sound crazy but I can't see him dying before me. All his family have lives well into their 90s

Also he hasn't got a pot to pee in so I won't be worse off it'll just be similar to now and then I'll draw my own pension when I retire

Get into care work if you can, they are crying out for staff and to be honest you will be virtually guaranteed a job I you apply (I've done it when inbetween jobs, as long as you say the right things at interview about why you want the job it won't be a problem). Once you get started you will be offered/pushed to do far more hours than they originally advertised but it will be a good chance for you to build your finances up whilst you look for something you want to do.

Why would I judge you? You were made redundant, you're looking for a job. That is exactly what the benefits system is for - a safety net while you sort yourself out.

I had the same during covid. We've all been there.

I do think you need a more secure job if your dh' income is variable. Public sector? NHS admin? Not the best paid but generally more reliable. Hope you are sorted soon.

Not sure why you're getting grief for putting no blended families! Op didn't put a value judgement on that, it's just context. With blended families comes multiple life factors relating to income and relationships, by ruling those out she's giving a complete picture and avoiding drip feed.

Op, I wouldn't judge you. Based on your op you sound like you and your DH are supportive of each other and are recognising your responsibilities and providing for your kids.

If I met your family and your kids were loved and well looked after and you were genuinely doing everything you could to find work I'd think you were a decent person and how things felt easier for you in the future.

I'm sorry things feel tough right now and hope that changes for you, but don't add feeling bad about yourself too your worries. I'm sure your kids feel loved and you're friends and family appreciate everything you are, those are the most important things to be proud of. Not everyone manages financial comfort. I grew up in poverty, my parents loved me and our finances were not something that particularly affected me as I wasn't the one worrying about them. My parents are ok now, both their kids are solvent and don't need help and they have their head above water. They still love each other and their strong relationship is an example I aspire to.

You have lots to give your kids even if you aren't financially comfortable.

Care homes always need staff OP any care work for that matter. Have you applied to NHS?

Is DH' s business realistically going to bring in sufficient income? If not he needs to be looking for employment too and like you see what casual shifts might be available. The main thing I notice from what you have said is that you take financial contribution and security more seriously than he does.

No, I most definitely would not judge you! We all go through tricky phases in life, hopefully you will find a new job soon. Not sure how you feel about working with children? I see lots of childcare settings crying out for staff, many are offering training on the job. Long hours and not great wages though.

Sorry OP, I thought you were being goady about the blended families thing! My bad.

Have you got your CV checked over properly. Get it tailored to retail focussed if that's what you're applying for.

I'm sorry you're going through this. We've been through it lots of times too. It's very tough. I hope you find something soon.

@Valtine2 yes I've tried nhs but nothing suitable hours wise or location last time I looked but i will checking obvs