Is my life a shambles?

[clickyourredshoestogether3times]

There's 4 of us. 2 adults 2 primary children. All children ours no blended families

Hubby works but is self employed so understand has quiet periods

I was working in retail but lost my job last year and have been on the hunt ever since but it's tough going

We privately rent but a lot of our monthly money is UC as my earnings are nil and his can be low like around 1200

We do manage but I feel like will it ever get easier?

Also would u judge me based on the above

What are your qualifications and can you do a higher apprenticeship which leads to a qualification and on the job training. It seems to me you need to retrain in a sector with more long term job prospects. Retail is always going to be transient and not secure unless you get into management and earn £££.

It sounds like you both need to get full time work and get your shit together re childcare like most FT employed people do.

I wouldn't judge you at all. I'd think you sound humble and nice. But for your own financial security, I hope you find suitable employment soon, in a area you enjoy and with hours that work for you.

I think people are too concerned about material wealth and external measures of success / status. As long as you're financially secure / have enough to meet your needs, etc.

How are you allowed to claim benefits as a lifestyle choice. Seems like lots on MN do.

Things are very tough out there. I have been working as bank staff for a care agency for about 8 months, but have recently had my hours cut, so now I only take home £600 a month, as opposed to £1000.

Nothing to judge and it's chuff all to do with anyone else

As a tax payer and widow who works bloody hard to provide for my child, I heartily disagree.

I wouldn't judge you but I would really encourage you to spend your time writing three different CVs and a list of core skills and experience for the different sectors (office, retail and care).
Sit down and really think about the transferable skills so your excellent admin skills from the office environment helped you with learning procedures, til, cashing up, stock control etc in retail.

Don't stick the same one in for everything.
Also if you get a job offer, then ask for flexibility, even if it isn't specified up front. The worst they can say is no but if it's 'can I work 7-3' rather than 9-5 so your husband does morning drop off and you do afternoon it might make little difference to them but they wouldn't advertise it at that.

Make them want you before asking for reasonable adjustments - don't do it in interview.

I wouldn't judge you OP. Life isn't easy or straightforward and I personally don't think having both parents in FT work is the best way for every family all of the time either. If your kids are happy and loved and you're trying to find suitable work, you're doing better than many.

It does sound like your DH could step up more with the kids if his business isn't bringing in FT work. That would free you up for more potential jobs/hours.

I wouldn't judge you OP. Life isn't easy or straightforward and I personally don't think having both parents in FT work is the best way for every family all of the time either.

Surely you can see the benefit of one parent in a steady job, though?

@bringmorewashing thank u and I am actively seeking work Altho many posters are being quite judgey when I've only actually been out of work 2 months and an actively searching but thanks for a nice reply from yourself and I do agree for someone to be at home which is why I'm only looking at part time work

OP, it's a bit like you're not listening to a lot of the replies though. Given that your partner seems to be unable to bring in a full-time salary, why can't he be part-time and provide the necessary childcare, while you're full-time?

Ok, I'll bite. You both sound rather work shy and happy for the state to support your family. I don't know how people have such little self-respect that they are happy to be dependent on government largesse.

In your shoes I'd be looking for FT work. Your husband can work around the children's care needs.

Sorry but wtf do you actually mean, you "agree someone should be at home".

No one thinks this. Why are you both so work shy?

Yeah no….
You already have one part time worker at home - your dp. You say your kids are primary aged so both at school. You can’t justify both of you being part time.

It is nice if it works for everyone for someone to be able to work part time or be at home, but you’re both part time and frankly you can’t afford that anyway. I was a sahm and am now working as a TA but dh earnt enough that we could afford to do that comfortably, otherwise I would have stayed at work.

Why am I getting so much abuse? There's ppl out there who don't work at all and rely solely on the state. I am not that person so why the hatred and abuse??

McDonald's is good for part time hours.

Looks like your thread has deteriorated to black and white thinking and mud slinging op. You don't have to entertain it. Good luck.

I don’t understand the bit where you were only working on his none working days? Both part time? Why can’t you both work full time?

So, do you, in turn, OP, judge people who don't work at all and rely solely upon benefits, as I'm one of those?
I don't work currently due to disabilities and even I judge people for claiming benefits when they're perfectly capable of increasing their earning potential.
You've started a thread, asking if anyone would judge you, then taken umbrage when anyone has said they do...

You work 3-5 days a week between you, your husband's earnings are less than nmw and he isn't keen to change that and you're putting barriers to to full time employment.
You both need to work more.

I missed the bit where you explained that you want someone to be at home.

While that’s the dream you can’t afford to do this.

This. If you're happy for him to stay very part time then he at least needs to pick up the childcare. You can work full time.

I was a gardener for about 10 years, and it was great as I could work it around my daughter, who was in primary school, so no child care costs. I had a very wealthy lady customer who thought I was brilliant for working so hard and felt as I was gardening, I did not need to hear about her patronising cooking recipes for the unemployed, which she so wanted to dump on every one while she enjoyed her swimming pool. According to her, because I was not wealthy, I may have needed to learn how to cook proper meals for my family. How out of touch!!! . You can charge a good rate, more than Macdonalds, but obviously if you don’t like gardening your stuffed 😁 my husband does all the cooking by the way. Sorted 😂

The problem isn't you, it is your husband. He earns very very little, is unwilling to increase his earnigs and expects to limit your earning capacity in order to do the bulk of the domestic work.

UC drops off as your children get to 18, unless you change your attitude now you will be in for a very nasty shock.

Your dh needs to step up. He needs to earn a decent wage to support his family if you're not working due to childcare.
Or he takes on the childcare around his part time hours and you become the main earner.