DS and DH buffoonery

[Unusuallyirritated]

AIBU to feel really irritated by this?

Just went round to friends to play board games. DS 10 and DH were poking each other and play fighting almost constantly. Being really noisy. Having to be reminded when it was their turn. Not really following what was going on. DD 7 and DS 13 were brilliant. Hosts two kids were too.

I asked them to stop politely twice. I gave DH a look twice. I also then started to attempt to make jokes about it which wasn’t right but I was out of options. I felt really embarrassed and it ruined the night for me. I also think that DH was setting a bad example for DS.

AIBU to think that it’s rude? How would you feel as the host? They are really lovely and accepting people but I imagine even they were tested. But it might be just I have a low tolerance for that kind of behaviour.

They were invited to a boards game evening, the focus is on the board games, also I can’t think horseplay would ever really be appropriate whilst playing a game.

If we were playing a game with DS and he started mucking about (especially if he was getting bored) then he would be asked to stop the behaviour or leave the game. We could still have lots of fun, chat and giggles playing the game but if it got to the point other people couldn’t play as were having to wait ages for their turn and DS didn’t know what was happening in the game, then it was time for him to stop. I would expect the same for adults. They need to read the room, if people still want to play and they can’t due to other people’s behaviour then that behaviour needs to stop.

That would wind me up immensely OP. Rude and unnecessary.

If it is rude and there are mixed opinions about whether its rude, then its not your rudeness is it

This is the big problem I think (and Im just as guilty of this) in thinking that mens behaviour has to be placated by, apologised for, fixed by women

Its not my problem!!!

Embarrassing for you. If I were the hosts I wouldn't have reacted but personally would have been tense about annoying the neighbours and wouldn't want them thinking I'm inconsiderate. I probably wouldn't invite you back based on that and because I don't like that kind of loud, mindless activity.

I wouldn’t feel responsible for my husband’s rudeness in this scenery, but I would feel responsible for my child’s if I made no effort to check it. And it would be difficult to check the child’s behaviour without also expressing disapproval of the husband’s, which some posters were saying they wouldn’t do.

Not really, yes its implied, but then I am a parent of a child, I need to correct his bad behaviour. There is nothing wrong with that IF it needs correcting there and then, but as others have said you might choose to do that later

As I said earlier, its very difficult to navigate and calls for a judgement call. Not easy.

Problem solved by leaving him at home.

I’ve been in similar situations with other peoples’ children and it’s frankly embarrassing. Those behaving in that way exclude others and dominate the group in a bad way. It would strike me as inappropriate and exclusionary. I’d be extremely irritated too. Sulking would really wind me up. If he can’t see that this was not the way to behave at someone else’s house would make me think he has zero manners and doesn’t care about others and their comfort. Sulking is horrendous behaviour for an adult.

I guess I just find it a little strange that out of three other adults and at least three other children (your other kids plus theirs) - not one of them showed any sign of being irritated or annoyed except you.

I don't find that strange at all. I have often spent an evening having to bear with utter gobshitery on the part of a friend's husband or girlfriend or child or group thereof and just gritted my teeth and plastered a pleasant expression on my face because really, what can you do? I'm not talking abusive behaviour here, just the sort that makes you think "I would kill myself if I had to endure that every day".

I can kind of see adults plastering on a smile, but I would have thought most children would react to that kind of goofiness - probably by loudly complaining that they were trying to play a game

It sounds really rude to me & now he's not talking to you?

JFC!

Sounds as if he doesn't know when to stop.

Ds not to blame here for anything - children take their social cues from the adults around them. Sounds like dh is socially awkward and needs to grow up a bit.

My sisters DH can be like this at times and as their boys get older is almost re-living his youth being the fun dad regardless of time and place. Most recent extended family dinner he was chugging beers with the eldest (21) much faster than anyone else was drinking and then arm wrestling at the table.
The rest of us were

I agree. I would particularly try not to seem annoyed if I could see that the unfortunate wife/mother was totally mortified.

Is he still being a sulky baby to you?

Yes I agree, just very rude in another family's house.

They should not agree to play a game if they don't want to, no one playing can enjoy a game with that going on.

It's rude to everyone there but particularly to the hosts. A person can choose not to join in but they shouldn't wreck the game for the majority like a dog in the manger.

On the other hand...... I did have to play a fantastically tedious word game over new year with a child and it went on so long that a part of me died and it wasn't fun because the child was officious and irritating. No fun. But I okayed properly as if agreed to play.

I wonder if people are just losing patience in taking turns because of being on their phones all the time.

Ditto respect for your use of 'buffoonery'

Speaking of bad behaviour - my SIL gets absolutely smashed out of her gourd at Xmas and becomes incomprehensible, falls asleep on the table and has no idea and we all just put up with it and pretend it isn't happening. It's such a grim imposition on the group.

Honestly you sound boring. Every board game night I've been to others would be joining in with the goading and poking etc having a right laugh. We often need to be reminded when it's someone's turn especially when there's that many people playing waiting for your turn can be tedious.
If no one seemed annoyed but you, have you thought that maybe they wanted to join in but you berating your DH and DS meant that they were scared to?
You say your easily irrated at the moment - maybe that has meant you've inadvertently brought the mood down. And maybe the abrupt end was because they could see you were uncomfortable rather than them being.

Honestly you sound boring. Every board game night I've been to others would be joining in with the goading and poking etc having a right laugh. We often need to be reminded when it's someone's turn especially when there's that many people playing waiting for your turn can be tedious.

@Pangolin101 I think this comment is a classic illustration of the point someone made up thread about there being different schools of thought on board games and how it can be difficult to navigate if the participants hold different views.

You sound like you are more in the camp of the board game being a secondary event to a social evening with friends. That's fine if you all feel the same. For some people though the board game is the focus of the evening. I have to be frank and say that if I was at a board game with you and your friends behaving like that I would find it very irritating and would probably decline any future invitations.

I am guessing that as the OP's evening out was planned as a board game evening, rather than a social evening where a board game just happened, then maybe they are in the "play it properly" camp.

I do not think she sounds boring at all. I think her DH sounds like a colossal, immature twit.

We play the games properly - we just have fun doing it. We play proper board games, Catan, Risk, etc. Where it can be 25/30+ minutes between turns there's no way we could sit there in silence for that length of time.
We're adults so probably wouldn't be poking each other we'd have a laugh in other ways - that would be weird but we definitely wouldn't be sitting there not talking about anything but the game like the OP wanted!

I don't think there's an expectation to sit in silence - chatting and laughing and joking would be expected.
But two people loudly clowning around together without any interaction with the larger group is rude regardless of setting.

I think we are perhaps closer in approach than it first appeared! We play "proper" board games too and we certainly don't sit in serious silence between turns. We will have a joke and have fun (and probably wine) but would take a dim view of anyone clowning about and disrupting the game in the way OP's DH did.

He’s very sensitive to any criticism but happy to deal it out. Not the best marriage at the moment. Thanks for your support.

This jumped out at me, alongside his inability to parent.

I know a man like this. Sadly, he's an emotionally controlling, manipulative ass whose exW has put up with an astonishing amount, and is still doing so because he is a perpetual child who cannot take responsibility for things, can't act appropriately in public and yet tells everyone he's the victim. I once was at her house watching a big sports match and he was there with their DC.... the behaviour was MIND BLOWING. He was actively encouraging their DS to act like ac complete idiot, blocking the tv, screaming at inappropriate moments etc. At one point another guest shouted at both of them to "sit the fuck down" it got so bad.

it wasn't a fun evening for any of us and DH and I were out of there as soon as we could after....

Erm. When did I say I wanted silence? I’m all up for banter and chatting. They were wriggling about on the sofa, poking each other, wrestling and goading each other about who was the strongest. Constantly. No gaps. Not really chatting with the rest. In their own little bubble.

Yuck, people marry these weirdo men and make babies. He sounds like a dick, I doubt it's just happened, presumably he's not ever been fully normal but you chose him.

Rude